All I Ever Wanted

“Are you nervous?”

“Only a little,” I respond to Alex and I flip through the pages of a medical magazine. I’m sitting in the waiting room of the doctor’s office, waiting to be called. If I’m right, which I think I am, we should be next.

“You’re coming in with me, right?”

“Of course I am.”

I nod in response and concentrate on reading. Getting out of the house this morning without anybody noticing was impossible; everyone was awake at like, 7. I managed to create an excuse (Alex wants to see his mom and I’m going with him) and escape their continuous questioning.

Now I understand how nervous my brother Steven gets when he goes to the doctor. He explained it to me once as ‘nervous because I have no idea what she’s going to say’. I never understood it before because I never thought to worry about what she would say. But now, I’m really freaking out inside. This doctor could tell me, hey, you’re pregnant! Or oh, you’re having twins! It’s a little early to know if I’m having twins, though.

“Alexis? You can go in now,” the nurse shouts across the room to me. Everyone else who’s waiting turns their eyes to me, watching as me and Alex walk to where the exam rooms are. The nurse points to the second door on the right, and I feel everyone’s eyes on me. It’s as if they know exactly why I’m here. I thank the nurse and walk inside.

I sit down on the exam table and the stupid white paper that they put over it crinkles as I sit. The white paper was always so annoying to me as a kid. It’s just as annoying now.

“I’m nervous.”

I look at Alex and roll my eyes. He’s nervous? I’m fucking dying.

I nearly fall off of the table as the door opens and the doctor walks in. But I sigh with relief when I see who it is. Dr. Milton has always been my doctor. She’s the nicest doctor I’ve ever been to… well the only doctor I’ve ever been to, actually. But anyway, I’m fucking ecstatic that she’s in today, because I think I’d feel really awkward around another doctor and telling them I might be pregnant.

“Hello, Alexis. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

She laughs and holds out her hand to me and then to Alex.

“You’re not a Giordano. Unless you are and I just don’t recognize you. What’s your name?”

“Alex. I’m Alexis’ boyfriend.”

“Oh.” She looks over at me and then back at Alex. “I think I know why you’re here then…”

“I just want a pregnancy test,” I confess, and she nods.

“Alright. I’ll take some blood and you’ll get the results back tomorrow.”

“Oh… okay.”

Tomorrow? I’d rather know today…

I feel Alex take my hand and Dr. Milton goes into the hallway to find a nurse.

“It’s okay,” he tells me, and I almost believe him for a minute.

*

The minute after I sit down after accepting my High School Diploma, I find myself almost falling asleep. We’re just finishing up the ‘F’s and just getting into the ‘H’s. This is fucking boring.

I start laughing quietly to myself, recalling the amount of applause I got when my name was called. Alex brought an air horn, so throw that in there too. Jack was screaming something, I think, but I’m not sure.

An hour later we’re finally at the Valedictorian and Salutatorian awards and whatever. They give awards to them and then some to people who excelled in a particular subject.

The first award is for Fine Arts, and when I hear Ryder’s name called, I sit up a bit and pay more attention. I didn’t even notice that they didn’t call his name earlier. I clap along with my classmates as Ryder walks down the steps. I catch his eye and he just blushes and gives a slight wave. He looks really hot today, not gonna lie. His brown hair is long enough that you can see it peeking out from under the graduation cap.

After that, I zone out completely, snapping back to reality when everyone starts to stand.

I meet up with my family and Alex outside, and Mom insists that I take a ridiculous amount of pictures with pretty much every single family member. Then she makes me take a few with Alex (so she can show my grandma…) and then with Jack, Zack and Rian who I didn’t even know were coming.

*

“Are you happy, Lex?” Alex asks me as Mom forces us to take pictures in front of the house.

“Yeah. I’ll be even happier when I get a call tomorrow from the doctor.” I whisper back and then smile for the picture.

My mom finally says she has enough pictures and that I can take the graduation cap off. Thank God. But I think now my hair is a total mess.

“I know me too. But let’s forget about that now and just have fun, okay?”

“Okay, you’re right. But Alex, what if I am?”

“We went through this already.”

“I know, I mean, how do we tell people? Like my mom?” I glance over Alex’s shoulder and see my mom laughing about something with one of my aunts. “I don’t know how she’d react…”

“We’ll deal with it when we have to, Lex. Now come on. Stop worrying…”

*

Every single time that the phone rings, my chest tightens and then realizes again. The doctor wouldn’t call here; I gave her my cell phone number to call. And it’s 3:30 so why the hell hasn’t she called? It can’t possibly take this long!

“Alexis, are you okay?” Jake asks from the computer desk in the living room. I’m sitting on the couch with my cell phone in my hand, glaring at it.

“Yes.”

“Okay, sure.”

I glare at him, too, and then leave, walking up the flight of stairs and to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I lock it and then sit down on the bed.

Five full minutes go by. Then, as if I wasn’t expecting it, I drop the phone in shock. It drops to the floor where it sits, buzzing and playing my ringtone – ‘Thunder’ by Boys Like Girls – while I just stare at it. It takes me another second to realize that it would be in my best interest to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Alexis? This is Dr. Milton.”

“Oh, hello.”

“How are you today?”

“Fine. You?” Just tell me if my life is officially over or not.

“I’m doing wonderfully, thank you. So you had a pregnancy test and we just got back the results this morning.” I sit quietly, because well, duh, that’s why I’ve been waiting for you to call for like, 4 hours. “So you wanna know?”

“Uh – yeah, yeah I do.”

…I have no comment.

“Well, the test tells me that you’re not pregnant. So I guess congratulations are in order?”

“Thank God,” I say, so quietly. I know she heard me, though, because she laughs.

“Be more careful, Alexis. You’re a bright beautiful girl and you have such a great future ahead of you. Do you want to think about birth control pills?”

“No. I’m good. Thank you so much, Dr. Milton.”

I hang up before she can respond and I scroll through my recent calls until I get to Luke’s name.

“Alexis, I’m trying to-”

“I’m picking you up in like 2 minutes and you’re bringing your fake ID.”

“Are you using me only for my ID? Are we hanging out or something?”

“No, after you buy me alcohol I’m dropping you at home and I’m going to see Alex.”

“Lex, alcohol is bad if you’re-”

“Luke, I’m not pregnant!”

“Oh. Oh! Wait, that’s great!”

“I know so be ready in like, legit, 5 minutes!”

I hang up on him and right after I put my phone down, I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m not pregnant. My life is not ruined and therefore, I can have all the fun I want without worrying.

I pick Luke up exactly 5 minutes later. He’s standing in his driveway waiting.

“So how does it feel to know that you’re free to drink as much alcohol as you want?” he asks as after he closes the car door.

“You have no idea.”

“I can’t believe how lucky you are, seriously. I may have said that only 11% of people get pregnant the first time they have sex, but, seriously, I would have bet that you were.”

“I know. I can’t believe my luck.”

“Alex must have a really low sperm count.”

“Only you would think that.”