All I Ever Wanted

“How long has it been since you’ve talked to him?”

I sit down in between Luke and Ryder and count the days in my head.

“A week and a half.”

“Shit, seriously? It’s been that long?” Luke asks, tripping over his words slightly. It’s 3am and we’re in the local SmartMart. Luke insisted that he needed to get chocolate in order to be happy.

“Yes.”

“He hasn’t called?”

“No. I told him not to call me because I would call him when I’m not mad.”

Ryder looks at me like ‘then why are you pissed at him for not calling’ and I have to defend myself.

“I’m still mad so I haven’t called. But you would think since it’s been over a week that he would be like oh maybe I should try and call?”

“No,” Ryder says, picking up a Hershey bar. “He thinks you’ll get even madder if he calls. You said not to call, so he’s not.”

“I don’t know… I guess I’ll call him tomorrow.”

“Why not now?”

“Its 3 in the morning.”

“You said sometimes he suffers from insomnia. Maybe he’s up.”

“I’m not calling now. I’ll call tomorrow.”

“He didn’t mean to insult you, I’m sure.”

Ryder puts his arm around me and I want to tell him to not touch me, but for some reason, I don’t.

*

It’s the night before I leave for New York for my 3 day orientation and Alex isn’t answering my calls. I’ve called his cell phone 4 times and the house phone 6 times, and nobody’s answering. I’m concerned and pissed off at the same time. Here I am, 2 weeks after the fact, calling to make up and he’s not letting it happen. I would really love to leave for New York on good terms with him do I can have a halfway decent time. It looks like that’s not happening. My alarm clock blinks 11:54 and I’m starting to crash from the exhaustion of packing for the past 2 days.

I put the phone down on my desk and go over to finish packing my shoes, but once I kneel down next to the bag, the phone rings. I trip over basically everything in my path and reach the phone on the 3rd ring.

“Hello?” I answer without looking at the name. It has to be Alex.

“Hey, Lex. It’s Ryder. What time are we leaving tomorrow?”

My heart sinks and I sigh into phone. Stupid Ryder.

“Hey. Luke’s picking me up at 5:30 so do you want to meet up here?”

“Sure. That sounds good. Are you finished packing yet?”

“Almost. Just my shoes are left…”

“Alright. Well I’ll let you get back to it. See you tomorrow.”

I hang up without saying goodbye and this time I take my phone with me to the other side of the room. Alex has until 5:30 to call me back.

*

“Why do you keep staring at your phone?”

I look back at Ryder who’s sitting in the backseat of Luke’s car. I shrug, not exactly in the mood to talk about anything Alex-related.

“She’s waiting for Alex to call,” Luke informs him, earning a glare from me. I don’t even want to hear Alex’s name until he calls.

“Did you call him though?” I hear Ryder ask, and I really want to just punch him or something.

“Yes. 10 times.”

“And he didn’t answer? That’s not good…”

“Yes, Ryder, I know. Thanks for telling me.”

“Sorry…”

The three of us stay quiet for a while, the only sound in the car being the GPS system attached to Luke’s windshield. It says we have 2.5 more hours to go. Fantastic.

My phone stays completely silent the whole entire trip, although it doesn’t exactly have the best service. Maybe when we get to the campus it’ll tell me I have a missed voicemail. I can hope.

“We’ll be there in ten minutes, Ry, so can you stop complaining?”

“No, I really have to pee and I’m going to complain until I get there.”

“Yeah, but it’s really annoying.”

“I don’t give a shit.”

I roll my eyes as they continue to argue, although it’s pointless. I can’t help but be really upset about Alex not calling. He can’t possibly be mad at me still, can he? I had a good reason to be mad, and I’m over it. He needs to just call me. What if… what if this is his way of breaking up with me? What if he thinks I’d rather be with Ryder than him? That’s bullshit, but seriously, he could think that. Especially with the amount of time I spend with him…

It’s not Ryder’s fault but I can’t help but be mad at him. Because of him, in a way, Alex is pissed.

“Alright, we’re here.”

“Thank you, God!”
***

“I’m really, really bored,” Ryder says from his spot on the floor beside me. Luke is standing over us talking on his cell phone. It’s probably Max. My cell phone is across the room, completely silent.

We’re in Luke’s dorm room and his roommate isn’t here yet. We have an entire 2 hours to ourselves before we have to meet back in the main lobby to continue this ‘super fun orientation’. I haven’t met my roommate either, and I’m not sure if I want to. I’m nervous about it.

“Do you want to find like, a party or something? We’re in New York. There’s a party everywhere,” I say, looking over at the side of his face. He looks at me, too, and smiles.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here. Luke, are you coming?”

Luke nods and talks even fast to the person on the other line. Ryder stands up and holds out a hand to me. I take it and pull myself off, brushing off my shorts after in case the floors haven’t been cleaned, or something.

“Let’s find something to do, Ry.”

I lead the way out the door after grabbing my phone, acknowledging the calls from Luke saying that he’s going to meet us wherever we go.

“Okay, so should we ask around?” Ryder asks, putting a hand on my back to guide me down the hallway filled with people. There’re a bunch of girls in one corner and it looks like they’re smoking. A few boys line the hallway, tossing a football back and forth.

“Hey, what’s your name?” one of them asks, grabbing a hold of my arm. I try to pull myself free, but he’s too strong.

“Let go of her,” Ryder demands, pulling me from his grip. He glares at the boy before taking my hand and pulling me close as we walk further down the hallway. My hand feels weird in his, and I don’t like it. I don’t pull away though, because I don’t want to lose him in the crowd of people.

**

We didn’t end up at a party, or anything remotely exciting. We’re just walking around the city, looking at all the buildings. It amazes me how pretty it is at night. I can’t wait until I live here. It’s going to be the best four years of my life.

“Look at that, isn’t that ridiculous?”

Ryder’s pointing to the middle of the street where two cab drivers are literally screaming at each other. Welcome to New York?

“Yeah… Maybe we should get back. Luke keeps texting me saying he’s bored.”

“It was his decision not to come. He said he’d have too much trouble finding us.”

“I know, but-” I’m interrupted by my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. “Hold on.”

I take it out and read that it’s Alex. FINALLY.

“Alex?”

“Lex, I’m so sorry I haven’t been answering. My phone’s been acting up and I had to go bring it to the closest Verizon store to see what’s up. They fixed it, obviously. But anyway, I just want you to know that I’m so fucking sorry about all the things I said. I shouldn’t have. It was wrong, and I’m really sorry.”

“Alex, it’s okay. I forgive you.”

I hear Ryder laugh from behind me, but before I can ask him why, Alex starts talking again.

“Are you having a good time?”

“Yeah, I’m about to go back to the lobby because there’s a meeting or something.”

“Okay. Then I’ll call you tomorrow. Is that okay?”

“Yeah… I love you.”

“I love you too. Bye.”

**

“So you made up with Alex?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good. You seemed upset.”

“I was. But I’m good now.”

I give Ryder a small smile. For some reason he’s staring at me a little too closely. We’re in the middle of the lobby where there’s an ‘orientation dance’ occurring. The music is really upbeat, and it’s kind of giving me a headache. I see Luke talking to his roommate about 10 feet from where Ryder and I are standing.

“I’m getting such a headache,” Ryder tells me, putting a hand on his head. He laughs a bit and I nod.

“Me too.”

“You want to go up to your dorm or mine or something?”

I know – trust me, I know – that it’s a very bad idea. I should say no. But for whatever reason, I say yes and follow him all the way up to his dorm room and we’re up there for I don’t even know how long. It’s way past 3 when his roommate comes in and tells us he’s staying in his friend’s dorm. I think I know why, judging from the look he gives us.

Ryder is sitting annoyingly close to me, but again, for some reason I don’t tell him to move or just get up and move myself. It’s as if the thrill of being so close to him is exciting.

**

At 4:30, I know I’m screwed. Completely. My phone is what wakes me up. It’s vibrating on the side table and being extremely annoying. I grab it and find 4 text messages from Luke. Then I look next to me, and my heart sinks. Ryder’s asleep next to me, and I don’t think we were just sleeping innocently next to each other.