All I Ever Wanted

I admire women who are married. Honestly, I can’t even imagine living in the same house as Alex. It’s a mess all the time, and the bathrooms are never clean. No wonder Cat refuses to move in here. It’s gross. I would lend a hand and help clean it once in a while, but it’s gotten so bad that I don’t even want to go near their mess.

“Lex, where did Alex go?”

I look up from the papers I’m reading and give Jack a shrug. “I think he went to go pick up pizza.”

“Oh, good. I’m so hungry.”

He wanders over to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water before coming over to the table where I’m sitting.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Just filling out some last minute school things. I have to edit my schedule.”

“Oh. Sounds boring.”

“It is.”

“When do you leave for school, anyway?”

“One week. Classes don’t start for two, though.”

“Ugh. I hate school. I would never go back.”

“Yeah, well you have a future in music. You don’t need college for that.”

“True…”

I sigh and go back to figuring out what class to drop. They said I had too many classes and that I would never be able to finish all the work that came with them. I was pretty confident about it, but if they’re encouraging me to drop one, I’ll just do it.

I’m in between dropping Theology and Physics when I look up to check the time. Instead of a view of the clock, I get a full view of Zack.

“What ‘cha doing?”

“School stuff,” I say, again. I feel like I’ve explained this ten times today already.

“Oh. Cool.”

Across the room I see Rian spinning Jack around in the computer chair. It would be normal, except for the fact that Jack is literally tied to the chair. That can’t be safe. I give Zack a concerned look and he just laughs.

“Jack’s being an ass. He deserves it, trust me.”

“As usual?”

“Actually, he’s been less of one since he started seeing Shannon. It’s weird; he usually doesn’t change for a girl. But whatever, Alex changed for you, so I guess it’s possible.”

Excuse me?

“What do you mean?”

“Alex didn’t do relationships until you came along.”

“Didn’t do relationships?”

Zack catches on to the fact that I have no idea what he’s talking about and gets a weird look.

“Oh… well, I mean, girls never stuck with him so he never got too close. Do you know what I’m saying?”

“No.”

“Oh… well maybe I should let Alex tell you all about that… It’s not bad, trust me. He just wasn’t the guy who would have a girlfriend, you know?”

“Sure.”

Now I’m not only exhausted and stressed, but now I’m pissed off too.

“Hey guys, I’m back!”

I hear the front door slam and a few seconds later Alex wanders in to the room. Zack looks nervous, like he just gave away a big secret.

“Oh good! You’re just in time!” Jack yells as Rian stops spinning him. “Alexis and Zack were about to take it to the bedroom.”

I feel myself blush and Zack just laughs and pulls me in for a hug. I know Jack’s kidding, and I know that Alex knows he’s kidding, but it hits me pretty hard.

“Please,” Alex says, passing out paper plates. “They’d never do that to me.” He shoots me a smile and makes me feel like shit without even knowing it.

I force myself to laugh along with the, and agree with Alex before going back to my school issues. Theology and physics don’t make me feel as bad, and that’s saying something.

**

“Zack said something weird to me today,” I tell Alex, watching as he tunes his guitar. He’s sitting in his usual spot on the floor with a notebook open next to him.

He looks up, full attention on me.

“What’d he say? Was it inappropriate? I can tie him to the chair and spin him around like they did to Jack, if you want,” he offers with a small smile.

I laugh and shake my head. “No, not like that.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think Zack would be one to say anything like that. That’s more Jack’s area, and even if he does, he’s usually kidding.”

“I know. No, he said that you changed for me.”

“Changed? My clothes?”

Again, I shake my head. As serious as I am, I can’t help but laugh again.

“No. He was saying something about how it’s weird that Jack is acting like less of an asshole since he met Shannon. And then he said that you changed for me so it’s possible.”

“Oh.”

It’s quiet for a few minutes; all that can be heard is the occasional sound effect from the movie the boys are watching downstairs.

“It’s not like that, Lex…” he finally says, not looking at me at all.

“What is it, then? I was just confused.”

“He meant that before I met you, I never had a serious girlfriend. Well, actually, I had one, but she was the last one. She broke up with me because we were getting too serious and since then I just never got too involved. But I met you and I don’t know… obviously that changed.”

The words ‘too serious’ repeat in my head over and over. He reaches up for my hand and takes it. I just sit there, staring at him. I hear Zack laughing at something downstairs, and then Jack screams like a girl. Finally, I nod.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say. I move and lie down on the bed and stare up at the ceiling.

“I’ll be right back. I have a surprise for you.”

I hear him leave and walk down the hall. Another door opens and then closes behind him.

Again, ‘too serious’ goes around and around in my head, making me think and giving me the beginning of a headache.

A moment later, I hear Alex walk back in but I don’t bother to sit up.

“I was going to show you tomorrow but…”

He puts something on the bed and it moves. What the fuck? My eyes snap open and I shoot up on the bed. There’s a fluffy white…thing wriggling around next to me.

“Is that a dog?” It’s sad that I have to ask. I’m proven correct when it looks up at me and barks.

“Yeah. I got her yesterday. Isn’t she cute?”

I nod and move my hand over the dog’s head, a bit hesitant to pet her. I’m not a dog person, but I don’t hate them either. I just never had one growing up so I never really got attached.

“She’s cute… but why’d you get her?”

“I uh… well I’ve always wanted a dog, and you sounded really sad yesterday … I dunno…I thought that…this would be something we could do together before you leave…”

“Oh…okay…”

“You gotta name her.”

“How about Princess?”

“No.”

His answer is short and finite. Ok…

“Daisy?”

“No.”

“Bella.”

He thinks on that for a second before shrugging.

“Okay. So…” He puts his arms on either side of me and touches his nose to mine. “Have you started packing?”

“Yeah… A little…”

“I’m going to miss you a lot… You have no idea. But I’ll come visit you as much as I can…”

“I know you will. But I’ll be home before you know it,” I assure him, running a hand through his hair.

Now, along with the phrase ‘too serious’, I’m thinking about how he said ‘something we can do together’.

“You were right,” Alex says rubbing the dogs head. “Bella’s a good name for her.”

“What’d you mean when you said ‘something we can do together’?”

“Well,” he says, sitting up. “I mean, obviously this is positive thinking but… if we’re still together in like, a year or two, we could get married… start a family-”

Red flag.

“Alex, I’m only 18. You’re only 21. That’s-”

“No, I know. But, I mean, we’re in love and I’ve always wanted to get married young…”

He rambles on about how cool it would be and how taking care of the puppy would be like training for our future and I struggle to fight back tears. I have to do this now.

“Alex, I cheated on you.”