All I Ever Wanted

My mom keeps me on the phone for an entire 20 minutes telling me all about her 2 weeks in Hawaii. Then Jake came into the living room and I made him take the phone. I sit across from him as he fills her in on what’s been going on around here and what bills came in the mail. I’m just waiting for him to tell her the big news. Then I can go upstairs.

“Uh yeah, Mom, I miss you too. But you’ll be home soon, right?” There’s a hint of hope in his voice. He hates being the one to take care of all of us. It makes him feel old.

I look down at my notebook and blink. I seem to have written Alex’s name all over the top of my paper. I quickly erase all of the spots that I wrote his name on and go back to the math equation I have to solve. Math is my favorite subject, actually. No matter what, the formulas don’t change. There’s a way to solve the problem and there’s only one answer. I wish life was like that.

“Hey, Ma, listen. There’s something important I have to tell – Oh… Yeah … I understand. No, it’s fine… Alright, I’ll talk to you soon, then.”
I hear the phone beep, meaning he just hung up.
“What happened?” I ask.
“She had to go meet Dad for lunch or something. I’ll tell her next time they call or when they get back. It’s no big deal.”
“Yes it is! It is a big deal, Jake! You’re getting married, you have to tell her.”
“I will, Lex. She’s busy, so I’ll just tell her next time.”
I roll my eyes. Of course he will.

‘Hey I had a really good time last night’
I read that one sentence over and over to myself as I’m lying in bed. In the months since Danny broke up with me it has taken a lot to make me smile. But Alex can do it with one simple sentence. I got the text message at 7, after dinner, and I wrote back ‘I had a great time too’ within five minutes. Usually I make sure I respond at least an hour later, but I couldn’t help myself. I want him to know I had fun. That I like him.

It’s Monday. 9:45 to be exact. I’m in the senior hallway, attempting to make my way to study hall. I’m slightly confused as well, because when I waved at Jessica when I saw her before 1st period, she got a weird look on her face and bolted the other way. Maybe she didn’t see me and was running away from someone else? Whatever, she can often be a little spastic. One time when we were 12 she stopped talking to me for an entire week because she thought she had Yellow Fever.
“Hi Alexis.”
I look to my right and see Jimmy, my lab partner, standing next to my study hall table.
“Hey Jimmy…” I respond, taking out my physics book. My teacher gave us a ton of homework. We have to outline 2 whole chapters. Talk about stressing the senior class out.
“So did you do the history homework? You have Mr. Kline, right?”
“Yeah, but no I didn’t do it yet. I was going to do it in my second study hall.” Oh, the parks of being a senior who doesn’t have to take gym.
“Oh… well okay then. Never mind. Good luck with the physics homework.” He tells me, gesturing to my textbook. “I can’t believe he gave us so much to do!”
“Yeah, I know. Me either.” I smile slightly when he shrugs and turns to walk away. He’s been pretty nice to me lately, and I have no idea why. He’s one of the ‘popular guys’. They don’t usually talk to me. Not because they don’t like me or anything. Just because I’m so quiet and don’t talk to them.

For lunch I usually sit with Jessica. But she’s nowhere to be found today. Maybe she had to finish up something in the library or whatever. So instead of sitting and waiting for her at our usual lunch table I decide to sit outside. It’s the middle of October and it’s a little cold, but I have a jacket so I’ll be fine, hopefully.

I sit down on a low wall that separates the lunch courtyard and the soccer field. I brought the rest of my physics work so I’m not just sitting here like a loser. While I’m nearing the end of my chapter outline, I hear a few voices at the other side of the courtyard. When I look up I see Jimmy and his two football teammates Kyle and Patrick. They’re tormenting some other kid, whose name I don’t know.

I feel bad witnessing this, just watching as they call the boy names that I would never include as part of my vocabulary and try to shove him to the ground. I can’t believe I’m just watching this happen, but what can I even do? If I get up from where I am, they’ll see me and it’s not like I can just go inside. They’re standing in the middle of the yard. And, I don’t want to be ‘the girl who told on Jimmy and his friends’. It’s selfish, yes I know.
I pull out my blackberry and text Alex. It’ll keep my mind off the guilt.

‘Hey, what are you doing later?’ I type and push send, slipping the phone back into my jacket pocket. Okay, that took up literally 7 seconds of my life. I feel so stupid, just sitting here. Whoever that kid is, he’s in trouble and I’m doing nothing about it. I need to help. This will bother me for forever if I don’t. So I grab my books and walk right over to Jimmy and his stupid friends and stand about five feet from them. They don’t notice me right away.
“Jimmy? What are you doing?”
At the sound of my voice, Jimmy’s arm freezes. He was about to punch the kid, I’m guessing. But I’m not an expert on this stuff, so I could be wrong.
“Oh, hey, Lexy. How’s it going?”
Lexy? Lexy? Really?
“What are you doing?” I ask again, glancing between Jimmy and his two buddies.
“Oh, you know, kidding around and stuff. Hey, did you eat lunch yet? Because we were about to go out to get something-”
“Jimmy that’s such a BS lie and you know it. Do you think I’m an idiot?”
“What? No, of course not!”
Kyle and Patrick start laughing when Jimmy’s face turns red with embarrassment.
“Alright, whatever… I’ll see you later Alexis.”
The three of them walk back towards the cafeteria doors, but not without turning around and glaring at me first.
I look at the boy who was the victim of the ‘confrontation’ and see that he’s blushing and breathing heavily. He’s cute, and tall, with short black hair and green eyes.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes… Thanks, Alexis.”
“Um, sorry. What’s your name?”
“Luke… I’m in your physics class. And math class.”
Hah, wow. I’m obviously oblivious to the world around me. I was convinced I had never seen this kid before and thought he was in the grade below me.
“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t know that.”
“It’s okay… People mostly ignore me these days anyway. But most of our grade at least knows who I am. It’s actually kind of nice that you don’t know me.”
He shrugs and walks 3 feet to his right to pick up a notebook he must have dropped earlier.
“Why do people ignore you?” I wonder.
“Because I’m gay. And Jimmy and the rest of the guys he’s friends with tell everyone to ignore me.”
When he says that, something clicks.
“Wait… You were friends with Jimmy, weren’t you?”
“He was my best friend until last year. When I told him I was gay he flipped and stopped talking to me. He even got me kicked off football, because he told coach to.”
“Why would you be kicked off just because someone said to?”
“The coach is his dad.”
I nod in understanding. That sucks. I slightly remember this happening at the beginning of junior year. But it was a short-lived story, I guess, because it wasn’t really talked about for the rest of that year.
“Oh… I’m sorry, people suck.”
He laughs and shrugs. “Yeah, they do. But hey, life won’t suck like this all the time. I can’t wait until we graduate.”
I nod as my phone vibrates in my pocket. Alex!
“Hold on one second,” I say to Luke and pull out my phone.
‘Hey I’m not doing anything later… would u want to come over?’ I read, and I blush. He’s inviting me to his house. This is big. I need to find Jessica.
“You wouldn’t happen to know where Jessica Lyons is, would you?” I ask Luke and he nods. Awesome.
“She’s right there.”
He points at the closest cafeteria window and I see Jessica. She’s sitting at a table with Kelley Peterson and Dana McGovern. What the fuck? She HATES those two girls. They’re the most stuck up people and she’s eating lunch with them? Oh, that’s fantastic. Now I know that that weird look she had in the hallway was definitely for me, and for some reason she’s either pissed at me, or going through some weird phase.
“Did you eat lunch yet?” I ask and Luke shakes his head ‘no’. “Do you want to sit over there with me?” I offer. I need somebody to talk to. I can’t just sit and be anti-social. It doesn’t work for me.
“Yeah, I guess so…”
So, I spend my lunch period with Luke O’Conner and was stared at by every person passing through the courtyard. But whatever, who cares? Because seriously, just because someone’s gay doesn’t mean you can treat them like shit.

*

“So, you like this guy a lot?”
“I like him, yeah. And I’m going to his house later… I’m so nervous, Luke, you have no idea.”
“No, I understand. It’s okay to be nervous. He’s probably flipping out right now, too.”
“I doubt it. He doesn’t seem to me like someone who would ‘flip out’.”
“You’re probably going to have a great time, and meet his friends. You said he lives with his friends, right?”
“That’s what he told me… I met one of them the other night. His best friend, actually. He was nice.”
“Well, think of it this way. You’re only meeting his friends. They don’t matter too much. It’s his parents you want to be really nervous about.”
He’s right. But who knows if I’ll ever meet them. We may not work out. Who knows? Currently it’s 3:10 and I’m standing with Luke in front of my car, waiting for the buses to leave so I can drive home. When I went to math today, I made sure I said hi to him and after 9th period we walked outside together. I look over Luke’s shoulder and my eyes narrow when I see Jimmy walking towards us. When he gets closer, he shoves Luke with his shoulder.
“Fag,” he spits as he walks past. Luke looks at the floor.
“Does he always do that?” I ask.
“Yeah, and his friends do it too,” Luke states. There’s a hint of sadness in his voice. I don’t blame him.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault. But I’m gonna go to my car. Its way down there,” He says, pointing to the opposite end of the parking lot where there aren’t many cars. “Let’s just say I’ve learned my lesson and will never park too close to Jimmy or any other football player again.”
“That’s terrible!”
“Its life,” He shrugs and walks away, leaving me by myself.
I could take the next 5 minutes to text Jessica and try to figure out what her problem is, but I’m not going to bother. She’s done this to me so many times that I’m done trying to figure out what her problem is. Jessica has always wanted to be popular, and obviously, she’ll do anything to get there.

*

“Hey, Lex, have a good day?”
“Yeah, it was fine. How about you?” I ask Max after putting my backpack on a kitchen chair.
“My day was fantastic, thank you for asking. Anyway, I’m going out tonight, and so are Jake and Steven, so it’ll just be you James and Danny for dinner.”
“I’m going out too.”
“Oh… Where are you going?”
Max takes my backpack and puts it on the floor. He’s a neat freak and everything has to be in the spot he thinks is correct. So annoying.
“I’m going to Alex’s house in 20 minutes. Is that okay?”
“Yeah. Sure. Just be back by like 10. It is a school night, after all.”
“Yes sir. I’m going to go get changed and stuff…”
The second I close and lock my bedroom door I start to panic. I’m going to his house. I’m going to (probably) meet his friends. What are they going to think of me? I know nothing about what they’re like and who knows if I’ll make a fool of myself somehow. I bet I will. It’s just what happens to me. When I met Rian in my junior year, I actually fell on top of him at a party. Talk about embarrassing… But Rian thought I was embarrassing enough to be cute, I guess, and asked me out the second he helped me up from the floor. I doubt that that will be the case with Alex.
I get out of my uniform and thrown on a pair of black skinny jeans (that’s all I really own) and a t-shirt that says ‘Paris’ on it. I wish I could visit Paris. That’d be like my dream vacation. So would Italy, actually, seeing as I am Italian. I search for my shoes, but they’re MIA. Crap. That means I have to dig through my closet… This will be scary and life-threatening.
I throw about 4 pairs of sandals from my closet and I’m going to assume that they landed somewhere under my bed, but I finally find my cute pink sneakers and get them on quickly. They’re so comfortable and cute. My favorite pair of sneakers ever.
“Hey, I’m leaving. Goodbye.” I tell Max and grab my bag from the counter and get out the door as fast as I can. The less time I spend with him the better. He’ll just ask questions.
I am so nervous right now. I don’t exactly know what to expect. The directions he gave me sound familiar, and I’m pretty sure I’ve been in his neighborhood before. It’s freaking nice. Like, almost as if it were designed for rich people and only they can afford the houses there. But what do I know?
I pull into the driveway of Alex’s house and stare at the front door. It’s open but
the screen door is there, letting me see inside. There’s a staircase right in front of the door, so I guess I will have to go inside to see anything else. God, I sound like a creeper. I turn the car off and get out before I can make myself sound weirder than I already did.
“Alexis!”
I look up at the door and Alex is standing there on the front steps and pulling a sweatshirt over his head. Once he gets it completely on he waves and steps down to the sidewalk to meet me.
“Hey, Alex.”
“They guys are out right now. They’ll be back in like an hour with dinner… So we can just chill in my room or something till then.”
“Oh yeah, sure. That sounds good.”
“So um, how was school?”
He leads me into the house and I take my shoes off at the door. My mother always told me to do that, and for some reason it stuck with me.
“It was alright… I can’t wait until it’s over, though.”
“Really? When do you graduate?”
“June 7th. But my last day of classes is in May.”
“You’re lucky. So do you want to go upstairs or…?”
I nod and he smiles. It’s awkward, but that’s to be expected. It’s not like we’ve known each other for very long. There will, naturally, be awkward moments. Right?
When he opens the door to his room, I’m kind of caught off guard. It’s spotless. I expected it to look like a bomb hit, much like my brothers rooms. But I’m wrong. The bed is made and against the wall on the right and there’s a dresser on the opposite side which has framed pictures on it. The walls are dark blue and there are band posters covering most of them. It’s cool, and completely unexpected for a guy’s room.
“This is your room?” I ask as I walk inside and take a look at all the posters he has up.
“Yeah… I’m a neat freak, but only when it comes to my room. I don’t get it, either.”
“That’s cool though. My room looks like a disaster area.”
“Really? I would have thought you were pretty tidy.”
“Not at all. I’m a mess.”
He sits down on his bed and shrugs.
“But I bet even though it’s a mess, you can still find everything. Right?”
“No. Totally wrong. I should really clean it, actually. It’s just hard cause when my mom’s not home I slack off on my chores and stuff.”
I sit next to him, as close as possible.
“You know what?” he asks quietly. He takes my hand and I turn to look at him.
“Yeah?”
“I really, really like you.” The term ‘butterflies’ can’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling right now. “Would it be okay if I kissed you?”
I don’t remember doing so, but I think I nod because he’s leaning in towards me for a kiss and I’ve never wanted something more in my entire life.