My Sunshine

I sat on the few cement steps in front of the door. I sighed before curling myself into a lopsided ball. I almost felt like crying, but knew better. I mean, anybody could find me here. I'd have to be retarded to do something like that.

"Rose? Are you okay?" Mrs. Jensen asked me quietly stepping out to sit beside me. I only nodded not pulling my head from where they rested on my knees. My head was turned to the right where she was sitting on my left. I was silently watching a butterfly make it's way through flowers bobbing up and down in the sky. "Are you sure?" This time I turned to look at her.

Before I could even open my mouth to respond she had her long arms wrapped around my small body and she was awkwardly trying to rock me back and forth as if I was a baby or something. I pushed her away before giving her a questioning look.

I had been so numb I hadn't even noticed the tears that escaped my eyes... well not until Mrs. Jensen decided to wipe them away. She looked back at me approvingly while absentmindedly wiping her hand on her apron. She looked the epitome of 'housewife' right then.

Her fading red hair was pulled into a bun that made her look much older than she was, her green eyes smiled as if she'd known the secret of the world for years and still held it dear. Her face was covered in laugh lines and similar wrinkles while old freckles lined the bridge of her nose. I smiled as her over chewed nails came into view. Both of us knew that nail polish would never fix those nails.

"Why were you crying Rose?" My smile dropped and I sobered up, if that's even what you could call it.

"Just remembering... things..." I mumbled barely able to hear what I was saying myself. "Every thing's changed so much."

Mrs. Jensen gave me a sad smile and a nod as if to say she knew what I was going through. Anger flared up inside of me and I just shook my head before standing up and walking around aimlessly. She must have gone back inside because when I came back around to the front of the house she wasn't sitting there anymore.

I only nodded, had I honestly thought she'd still be there?

After another hour or so of just 'exploring' the enormous yard I stumbled back into the house.

"Hey Rose." Mr. Jensen said smiling at me. I tried to smile back, but I couldn't tell if I'd succeeded or not.

"Hi Mr. Jensen." His nose scrunched up and reminded me of hat Zack used to do when I tried to feed him vegetables. I laughed and it made Mr. Jensen smile again.

"Mr. Jensen was my father." I cringed at the word father, never liked that word much. "You could at least call me Bill." I let out a small laugh before nodding.

"Gotcha Bill." I saluted to him and walked out barely catching his chuckle. I smiled knowing that I hadn't totally lost myself yet. Maybe I still had a chance. Maybe I could still get them back... all of them.

I took a refuge in my new room and grabbed my bag before flinging myself onto the bed. I bounced once before twisting and pulling a small notebook and a pen out of my backpack.

I had been writing for a while before Mrs. Jensen knocked softly on my door. She let herself in -- I'd expected that much -- and sat at the edge of my bed. I shut my notebook and sat upright.

"Supper should be done soon, Rose." She said quietly, not looking me in the eyes. I nodded and then looked down at my notebook again. I wouldn't open it until she left though.

She didn't leave.

"Sooo..." I said needing to break the thick silence that had developed. "How's life?" I asked nodding my head in a way that moved my whole body.

"I should ask you that." Mrs. Jensen said quietly before facing me. "Quite fine actually. I found this amazing young girl, and I believe I'm in love." I looked away.

Young girl, my ass. If I was so young than why will I be moving out within months? If I'm so amazing why did all this shit happen to me? If you're in love with me, why didn't you adopt Zacky too? Why couldn't you have been there earlier? Why does all the bad stuff happen to the people no one thinks deserves it.

But I deserved it didn't I?