My Peace


The stench of the idled, dirty room continued to worsen as my weakening sense of smell tried to convince me I would never get used to it. Beams of sunlight tried to creep almost vainly through the tiny hole on my rusting roof of steel. I lifted my gaze, allowing light to meet my face. My eyelids immediately shut; I felt my cheeks eventually become warm.

And just as how vacant the space which surrounded me was, was how preoccupied my mind had always been. Thoughts came, and went, never written down, preferred not to be heard by anyone. My consciousness just let them pass by inertly, for almost every contemplation that came to me even more convinced me to stay… still, unmoving, hidden from the light which casts itself upon anything. Anything. Good or bad. Beautiful or otherwise. Justly or not. Shallow or just plain unfathomable.

The feeling of warmth being cast upon by the light on my cheeks was comfort that if tolerated, I found out, would bring about my struggle. It reminded me of the world beyond these walls—beyond these walls in which I trusted the very secret of me. It reminded me the world in which I was once known, though now forgotten and alone, the pretentious world which never found its way to bother the peace in which I chose to live.

And as to whether in that way I was living in peace or just pointlessly protecting myself not only from every bad thing but also from every good thing the world has to offer… was something my mind preferred never to contemplate.

I loved this place, this place protected me, just its own way of showing how it had loved me back. The stench with which I never seemed to get used to, gave me the feeling I was encountering something new. No one ever came near to me ever since I have chosen to live peacefully, just that beam of sunlight which seemed to creep only to try and expose my very existence to the rest of the conceited world.

This had always been the only peace I had ever come across since the oldest day I could remember. And the very end of me would be the day the sky decides to take away my roof for the sake of my exposure—yes, it would be my very end.

This is my peace.
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