Out for Blood: A Billie Joe Story

I walk in with Susan and sit down, feeling suddenly nervous.

"So," she says. "Mike told me you couldn't come yesterday due to a family emergency. What happened?" I take a deep breath.

"My ex wife and two sons were killed in a car accident two days ago. We found out yesterday, and Ellie had an asthma attack. She went to the hospital and passed out in the ER from lack of oxygen. She slept all day in that hospital bed, but she woke up early that night and we went home." I bite my lip as I remember something.

"What else happened?" I sigh.

"When she woke up, I wasn't in the room. I walked in, she saw me, and she had a panic attack."

"Do you know why?"

"Yes," I answer too fast. "I mean no... I guess, but... I don't know."

"What else happened before she went to the hospital, Billie?" I rest my elbow on the arm of the chair and put my head in the palm of my hand.

"I killed them," I admitted. "I set the crash up so Adie wouldn't go to the cops and tell them what I've been doing to Ellie." Susan looks shocked.

"You set it up?" I nod. "Just so Adrienne wouldn't go to the police?" I nod again. "How'd she find out?"

"Ellie left after we got into an argument when we got home from our last appointment with you. She went to her house, but told me she just went for a walk."

"How do you know she wnt to Adie?"

"I followed her in my car. I saw her walk in." Susan sighs as she writes things down in the manila folder.

"Anything else?" I swallowed back the bile that formed in my throat as I remembered what else happened that day. "Did you rape her again?" I sake my head.

"Worse. I did something worse," I say. She uncrosses her legs, but then recrosses them. A sign of uneasiness.

"What did you do to her?" The words caught me by surprise. She never asks me that. Tears form in my eyes.

"I ate her out," I whisper as the tears streak my cheeks. "And the night we came home from the hospital, I..." I stop mid-sentence.

"What else?" I cough.

"I watched her sleep, and I rested my hand on her leg. Without knowing it, my hand drifted from her leg to that one part of her body that I have complete control over. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I pulled my hand away, but she was already awake."

"What did she say to you, Billie?" I take a deep breath again.

"She didn't say anything. She just gave me this look."

"What kind of look?"

"I can't describe it. I've never seen her so terrified, it's like she thought I actually did something."

"Why do you think she reacted like that if you've already done something equal to or worse than rape?"

"I think she's more afraid of me doing something to her without her knowing it than when she's conscious and she knows exactly what's happening. I don't ever want to see that look on her face again." Susan sighs as she looks at her watch.

"Our time is almost up, but I want to know something before I talk to Ellie." I look at her expectantly. "How do you think Ellie or anyone else could help you stop?" My heart plummets in my stomach.

"I don't think I can." The timer goes off, and her facial expression turns sympathetic.

"Think about it, and give me your official answer when I'm done talking to Ellie."