Out for Blood: A Billie Joe Story

I can feel my heart literally break as I turn my gaze on to my father. He looks stunned, emotionless. Everything was silent for a minute before he took a deep, shaky breath.

"Where will she go," he asks softly. Susan glances at me, but I'm still staring at my father.

"I will find a foster home for her. She'll be able to move out before school starts," she explains. My father closes his eyes, but opens them and looks straight at me.

"How do you feel about this, El," he asks, his voice cracking halfway through. I swallow back my fear of what was going through his mind right now.

"I think...," I start. "I think it'll be help you." He watches me for a few seconds, but then nods.

"How do you feel about this, Billie," Susan asks. He looks down at the floor.

"It doesn't really matter what I think, does it?" He looks back up at her with teary eyes. "If she thinks it will help me, then you're going to go with what she says." He looks over at me. "Ellie, I love you to death, I mean I live for you. You know you won't be able to change this once it's done." Tears come to my own eyes as what he's saying sinks in.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, "but I'm not going to rethink this. I'm sick of living in fear that you might feel like beating the shit out of me one day, but then love me the next. I can't live in this unpredictability anymore." We all stay silent as Susan turns to her laptop and types something in.

"So, is this set," she asks sympathetically. "You want to move out, Ellie?" My father watches me as she turns to catch my sorrowful eyes.

"Yes," I whisper, not able to bring my voice any higher. She types something else in and then turns to look at us.

"I'll start looking for a family that is willing to take you in for the next few years, and I'll call when you can leave," she says. My father stands up and walks out, while I just sit there, feeling numb. I thought I would feel relieved that it would all be over, but instead I feel like I made the worst mistake of my life.

***

The car ride home was silent and my father wouldn't talk to me. We waited for a week and a half before Susan called. She told me I would leave tomorrow. It was 9pm, and Mike and Tre were saying goodbye.

"I love you, El," Mike says as he nearly crushes me in a hug. "Don't get into any trouble." I smile.

"I won't," I reply as he lets go. He walks over to my silent father as Tre takes his place, crushing me the same way Mike had.

"Update your MySpace a lot, I still wanna talk to you," he says, sounding like he was tearing up.

"I promise I will, Tre," I tell him. He kisses my cheek and lets go. They leave and I go up to my room. Everything was packed, except for a pair of sweats. I pull them on and leave my shirt on, crawling into bed and drifting off immediately.

***4:21am***

I wake up to my own screaming and the sound of my door opening. I feel arms wrap around me and I hear myself crying hysterically.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, please don't make me go," I say over and over. My father rocks me back and forth, calming me down.

"Ellie, calm down, it's okay, shh, it's okay," he says in my ear. About ten minutes go by before I'm done crying. I lean back and look up at him.

"I'm so sorry, Dad," I say. He swallows.

"It's okay, hun," he says, moving hair from my eyes.

"Don't make me go," I whisper, not paying any attention to what I'm saying. He shakes his head slowly.

"You have to," he says. "It's for the best." I watch him as he stands and leaves, shutting my door behind me. I lie back down and think about why I want to leave.

***10:49am***

I wake up and look around, remembering what happened in the middle of the night. I pull a pair of jeans on and take my one suitcase downstairs. My father looks up at me from his spot on the couch.

"They're coming in a few minutes," he states remorsefully. I nod and look at the case I brought down the day before.

"Why did I do it," I ask quietly. "Why did I tell her I want to leave?" My father stands up and walks over to me.

"Because you're smart. You know this isn't the life you should be living. You deserve better than this," he tells me. I look up at him and he leans down to hug me. I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze as if I could make sure no one could separate us. His arms slid around my waist and did the same. We heard a car horn outside and he carried both of the cases to the car. A woman, Linda, gets out and smiles widely at me.

"Hi, Ellie! Are you ready to go?" I nod and turn to my father, who just closed the trunk. I hug him once more and then I get into the car as he walks to the front door. Linda gets back into the car and backs out of the driveway. I wave as we drive away. I watch the house disappear, along with everything I endured.