We All Roll Along

The last thing I saw before I fell was Zack’s hand groping at Jac’s tits. Her hands were on his ass. Their mouths quite definitely joined. When I fell I hit my head. Things went fuzzy. Then black. So so very black.

Then it was bright. It burnt my eyes. Black to white light. My eyes snapped open, my vision still hazy, though I could still see Zack sitting beside me, holding my hand with a concerned look on his face.

“What..what happened?” I asked. I could honestly not remember anything past leaving to use the washroom in the back of the church.

“Um,” Zack coughed. “I went to get a drink of water, and I guess I was late. You came looking for me and tripped over that ridiculous dress and hit your head on the railing of the stairs.”

“Oh my gosh. Oh my god. I’m so sorry Zack!”

How could I have done that? Something so embarrassing, on my wedding day of all days.

Zack leaned down and kissed my forehead, “don’t worry about it Dei - everyone understands. We’ll just postpone it to later on; when you’re feeling better. How does that sound?”

I smiled wearily at Zack; that did sound just fine. My head still throbbed though and I began to close my eyes. Just before they fluttered shut I saw Juliette run into my room. I tried to smile and open my eyes to say hello, but I was too exhausted. So exhausted that I thought I saw he yelling at Zack. Of course, that doesn’t make any sense - she loves Zack, too.

Despite my exhaustion I slept restlessly. I kept having these unnerving dreams of Zack cheating on me. And not with some girl he met out. Cheating as in a full blown side relationship. With Jac. I didn’t understand why or how my mind was making up such nonsense. It was scary, non the less. Zack told Jac that he was only marrying me because of Noah. He wants Noah to have the perfect life, but that he’s unhappy with me. I don’t give him what he wants. The dream kept getting more and more vivid; I saw Zack’s lips moving.

“I think she’s still in love with that scrawny kid from Arizona,” I saw him say to Jac.

“I think so too; she always seems so. . .disconnected.” Jac looked at Zack in a way that made my want to pull all my hair out. She bit her bottom lip and looked up at Zack from under her long lashes. “I’m not though, am I?” she whispered.

Zack just laughed. Meanwhile, I watched my dream further unfold, totally appalled by both my fiancee’s and one of my closest friend’s behaviours. Zack stepped forward and put his hand around Jac’s hips, pulling her body as close to him as humanly possible. He kissed her neck. My eyes started to burn. I saw her unclasp his pants. Tears fell from my eyes.

“Why?” I mumbled out loud to myself. Zack groped at Jac’s chest whilst she now had her hand fully down the front of his pants.

“DEIDEE!” I heard someone yell. It wasn’t anyone around me though. “Deidee!” I heard them call again.

“DEI!” Finally my eyes snapped open. My cheeks were wet and Juliette had both of her hands around my wrists, holding them down on my bed.

“What..wha?” I could barely form words. The reality in front of me was almost as terrifying as my dream. Zack sat in the same place, his hand on my thigh. His cheek was red, like someone had slapped him. Juliette wasn’t looking so great, either.

“Dei, why is he in here?” Juliette asked me, gesturing towards Zack.

“Um, well, you know,” I said obviously, “he’s my fiancee, so I sort of thought he should be here?”

“You mean you don’t remember? Nothing?” Juli let go of my wrists and sat down beside me, knocking Zack’s hand away from me. I tried to reach out to hold his hand, but Juli grabbed it first and put it back on my bed.

“Remember what?” I looked at Juliette and over to Zack, then back again totally confused.

“Shit shit shit.” Juliette got up, her hand on her forehead, pacing back and forth beside my bed. “What do you think happened?”

“Well, I went upstairs to find Zack.”

“Oh my god, you do remember. Then why is he still here?” Juliette shrieked.

“I still don’t understand why you’re so upset by Zack being here! He is my fucking fiancee, Juliette! The father of my child! There is no reason for him not to be here!”

“DEIDEE, HE CHEATED ON YOU!”

“What?” I screamed, something I hadn’t done for years. “No! What? That was a dream. Just now - but how could you know about it? Juliette! Fuck. Listen to me!” But she was too busy screaming gibberish at Zack. “JULIETTE!” Finally she turned around, as I continued. “I went upstairs to find Zack - he was having a drink of water! I came up the stairs and tripped on my dress, then hit my head on the railing as I fell. Simple as that.”

“Is that what you came up with?” Juliette said to Zack, shaking her head.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zack responded, now standing up. “I’d appreciate it if you could leave my wife and I until you’ve calmed down.”

“Wife,” Juli scoffed, “bullshit.” She stormed out of the room, passing Jac who was now coming into my room. “Why the hell are you here?”

“Juliette I’m so so sorry. Seriously, I can explain everything - but I need to talk to Dei first.”

“Damn right you’d better as Zack seems incapable.”

That is when everything I’d dreaded came true. “What is going on?” I asked, turning my gaze away from my friends at the door to Zack.

“Nothing, babe. Try to get some sleep, alright?” He soothed me, caressing my cheek.

“Dei! Dei! I heard what happened, are you alright?” Pat rushed into the room and sat on the bed next to me, opposite to the side Zack was sitting.

“Get out,” Zack said to Pat without even looking at him.

“No. You know something Zack? I may be small and you think that I’m irrelevant. That what I had with Deidee was some childish relationship. Sure, we were young and didn’t know what we were doing. But even at our worst, it never even crossed my mind to cheat on her. She deserves better than that Zack, and you fucking know it.”

“Zack?” I looked at him. The man I’d been with for so many years. Who I’d made a home, a family with. Who I could have married yesterday.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied, I’m sorry that I did anything wrong.” The words just tumbled out of his mouth as he got up and ran out of the room, stopping at the door to look back at me. “He’s right. You deserved more than me. Just because I’m a rock star doesn’t mean I can give you everything.” With that, he left.

“Will someone tell me what is going on!” I screamed. At this point, the only people in the room were Pat; holding my hand and resting his head on my shoulder, and Jac; sitting now in the chair where Zack had sat moments before.

“Zack and I. . .” Jac started. She took a breath and looked at me. I didn’t say a word; she was doing her best to be honest, something I could admire in anyone. “Zack and I have been having an affair, Dei, and I’m so fucking sorry. Like, I tried to resist at first. So hard. You are one of my best friends and I love you! But one night I was drunk. So fucking shitfaced. He came onto me and I didn’t stop him. I can honestly not remember if he was sober or not, but most likely he was. I woke up hangover at my apartment, with Zack still beside me. He talked. I talked. For hours. It was great. He told me how he loved you, but thought that he could never fully have you.” Jac turned her eyes away from me and towards Pat.

“He thought I was still in love with Pat?” I asked Jac.

“He still thinks you are. He got me to believe him. To honestly believe him. But then I saw you on your wedding day and you looked so happy and excited. When you left to use the washroom, I left to find Zack. I wanted to put a stop too everything. I didn’t want you to have a relationship like that any longer. But he’d been drinking and kissed me. He rambled on about how he was going to marry a woman who didn’t love him and wanted to know what it was like to be actually wanted before it happened. It was bullshit I know, Dei, but I believed him. I don’t know why, but I did.”

I was crying. Shaking. Pat had his arms around me trying to keep me still. It worked. Not him holding me down, but him being around me like that. I felt like I was at home again.

“It’s okay, Dei.” Pat looked at me closely. I looked back. From the corner of my eyes I saw Jac leave the room, in tears.

“No, Pat. No it isn’t.”

“But it is. You know everything now.”

“Pat, I don’t have fucking home! The father of my child cheated on me with one of my best friends! THINGS AREN’T OKAY!” I started to cry again, onto Pat’s shoulder.

I felt like I was eighteen again. Crying on his shoulder about something silly. “Can we try again?” I asked Pat.

“Try what?”

“Us.”