We All Roll Along

“Ok, so we should be back around twelve thirty. I’ll call you if we will be any later, alright? Um, there is some juice in the fridge, Noah doesn’t need to be in bed until after we come home so -”

“She knows the drill, Dei, let’s go,”

“Alright,” I let out a sigh and gave a smile to our babysitter, Violet. Zack and I went out a lot, but I just get so flustered and rushed.

“See you later, Violet!” Zack called as we walked out the door, our arms linked together on the way to a movie.

“Bye, Mr. Merrick.” And with that she closed the door.

“So.” We stood in line looking up at the board of movies, “what are you in the mood for?”

I turned to Zack, who was wearing a grey tank top, his jacket layered overtop. His legs were clad in a pair of dark-wash blue jeans, hugging his fit legs. I had on a white tank top and a turquoise plaid tunic on top, buttoned half way down, belted at my waist. I had on tight, super-low rise black skinnies. And my shoes. They still had a little breaking in to do, as they’d been a Christmas gift from Zack; only in my possession for a few weeks. They were black, studded and amazing. I played them up by going heavy on my eyeliner and giving my lips a bright red stained look. My style was so much different from Zack’s; his more California surfer guy while I was a little more hipster. I mean, I am from Arizona.

“Umm. . .” I bit on my lip ring, something a rarely wore anymore, and squinted my heavily made-up eyes, “I don’t know, you chose.” Zack slipped his hand into mine, as always. I felt awkward holding his hand, what with my mind still on that CD.

“Sure, sure.” We reached the front of the line and Zack told the sales person what we’d be watching. To be honest, I wasn’t paying much of attention. I’d been doing a lot of that lately, since Christmas and I’d gotten that gift from Pat.

We took our seats at the back, having skipped the concession stand. I pulled out two VitaWaters from my tote bag and handed one to Zack before snuggling close to his shoulder. He lifted his arm and put it around me, his head resting on top of mine. Now my attention was in this moment. Not on Pat, or that gift, shoved under my bed. It was at now; with Zack.

“Mommy, Mommy!” Noah ran up to me when Zack and I came in the door, “Violet and I were playing hide and go seek!”

“That sounds like fun, sweetie. Could you find her?” I gave him a little pat on the head, and mouthed a thank you to Violet.

“Yeah, I found her alright. And look at what else I found!” Noah held what he’d found right in front of my face, grasping it with both hands.

“That’s Mommies,” I snatched it quickly from him and shoved it under my coat, hoping Zack hadn’t seen. Since Zack didn’t ask too many questions it was easy to have a private life. Having a child was an entirely different story.

“But I want it back, it sounds so nice.” My eyes widened in shock that he’d listened to it. Secrets Don’t Make Friends. He’d listened to it.

“Hunny, it’s time for bed,” I said, instantly turning my back to him and shoving a fistful of money to Violet, thanking her again before walking into the kitchen, trying to sort my thoughts.

Noah knew about the gift now. It was only a matter of time before Zack would ask about it. Sure, he didn’t ask a lot of questions, but he did care.

I paced back and forth, rubbing my temples.

“I’m going to put Noah to bed now,” Zack popped his head around the corner from the hall and gave me a quick wave before leading an upset Noah to bed.

“But Daddy, it sounded so lovely!” I heard Noah whisper to Zack.

“Don’t worry, bud. Uncle Alex is coming over for a visit tomorrow. Why don’t you ask him to make some music for you?”

“Will he play Stella for me?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his comment. Noah knew very well he wasn’t allowed to listen to Stella. Like I said, Noah repeated everything he heard. We’d always tried to avoid playing that song, but it was one of my favourites. He’s heard me singing it once and a while in the car. He hadn’t sung it repeatedly, just once. It was hilarious hearing about it, but highly inappropriate.
~
Zack had been grocery shopping with Noah, and he’d heard Zack humming the chorus when he asked “Daddy! I know that song!”

“Do you? I thought you weren’t allowed to listen to that one?”

“Well! I have! And I like it.”

Zack laughed, and picked up a pack of water and kept on pushing the cart, Noah sitting in it. “Why don’t you sing the words, Daddy?”

“Because I play bass, kid-o, Uncle Alex sings. You know that.”

“Daddy, when I grow up I want to sing just like Uncle Alex,” Noah had stated.

“Do you?”

“Yup yup yup! I already know the words!” And before Zack could cover his mouth, out came the words. Quite, quite loudly, Zack had told me. “You're only happy when I'm wasted! I point my finger but I just can't place it! Feels like I'm falling in love, when I'm falling to the bathroom floor!”

“Noah! Noah!” Zack tried to shush him, people all around giving him strange and horrified stares. “See? That is why you aren’t allowed to listen to that one. Do you know what wasted means?”

“Mhm, I do Daddy. That is when Uncle Alex and Uncle Jack and Uncle Rian and Uncle Matt and Uncle Vinny and Del. .. Delis. .”

“Delicious?”

“Yes! When they all come over and everyone gets happy and Daddy uses words I’m not allowed to use and Uncle Alex likes to dress up in Mommy’s clothes and,” Noah started to giggle hysterically.

“What, what else happens?” Zack asked, leaning his forearms on the cart, his face up close to Noah’s.

“And Uncle Rian gets a crush on Uncle Alex,” Noah whispered to Zack, barely containing himself anymore. He erupted into a fit of laughter - not singing.

“And my work is done,” Zack had muttered to himself, continuing on shopping.
~
“Babe, are you alright?” Zack came back into the kitchen when he’d finished putting Noah to bed. He rubbed my shoulders, then wrapped his arms all the way around me and sat his chin on my shoulder

I looked down at the CD in my hands, contemplating on weather or not I should show it to Zack. I made a rash decision on the latter, and stuck it into my coat. “I’m fine,” I said, trying too hard to sound cheery. I spun around to face Zack and put my arms around his neck, “I love you. Let’s go to bed.”

“Okay,” Zack grabbed one of my hands and we walked down the hall to our bedroom. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath; I could feel the CD rubbing up against the left part of my chest, a constant reminder of the boy who used to love me, as Zack kissed my neck. He fell on top of me as I collapsed into our bed. His hips pushed into mine, his hands groping at my chest.

“Not tonight,” I pushed Zack off of me and got up and began to take off my clothes before crawling into bed beside my stunned boyfriend.

“But. . .” Zack stuttered. He eventually shook his head, pulled his shirt over his head and dropped his pants to the floor.

I lay on my side, my back facing Zack. I felt the weight of the bed shift as he got in, the warmth of his body as he snuggled closer to me, the soft touch of his skin as he put his arm around me.

“I love you,” he whispered into my ear.

I blinked a couple of times before replying, “I love you, too.” And for the first time, I wasn’t sure if I meant it.