We All Roll Along

I sat on my back porch and took in a deep breath of salty ocean California air. I dug my bare toes into the chilly sand, wrapping my fingers tighter around my cup of hot chocolate. I sat there, only in a black racer-back and scuffed up straight leg jeans. Inside, with Noah long asleep, Zack sat with a can of Stella Artois in his hand, surrounded by our friends; Alex, Jack, Rian, Matt, Grieco and Vinny of course. Jac was also there, so it was nice to have another girl around for once. I put down my now empty cup and pulled out my lighter and a cigarette. I closed my eyes as I inhaled; I’d been so stressed from the gift from Pat and that short phone call, it felt good to let the nicotine work it’s soothing magic.

“What’s up, kid?” I turned around to see Jac close the sliding door before taking a seat beside me.

“Ugh, not much. How drunk are those bastards inside?”

“Well, there is only one bastard,”

“Shut up,” I gave her a little slap on her arm. She was wearing jean shorts, a loose white tank top, covered by one of Alex’s hoodies, the hood up and her bright blond hair flowing out around her well structured face. “It’s nice to have you around sometimes, you know? I don’t see Juliette that much anymore, since she’s still in Arizona. I can only deal with all guys for so long.”

She just smiled at me, and put her head on my shoulder. “Here,” she said, handing me and unopened bottle.

“Thanks,” I said, gladly taking it. I butted out my cigarette and took a sip; my eyes focussed on the steady lull of the ocean’s waves.

“Hey! Chickas, get your skinny butts in here!” Jac and I turned to see Alex yelling at us from the door frame, Rian’s arms wrapped around Alex’s middle.

Jac and I shook out heads and got up, going back inside. Inside there was no order. Zack sat in the same chair but sideways, Rian and Alex on the couch with Jack sprawled out overtop them.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Alex said suddenly, pushing Jack’s legs off of him.

“You’re leaving me?” Rian said, looking overly sad.

“Only for a minute.” Alex turned around as he walked away and blew Rian a little kiss.

“Man, I need something to drink,” Jack then announced after Alex had been gone for some while. No one really paid any attention as he stumbled off into the kitchen, opened the fridge and stared mindlessly with glazed over eyes.

I walked over to the couch and snuggled up against Rian. I think that out of all the guys, not just the band, Rian was my favourite. He put his arm around me as I kicked my legs up onto the couch and put my head on his lap.

“What about me?” Zack called from the other side of the room, throwing his hands in the air.

“What about you?” Rian retorted, smiling as he took a sip of his beer.

Zack just shook his head; I knew he didn’t mind, Rian was one of his best friend’s and mine too. He always complained about it, but he’d told me once that he actually doesn’t mind. Because he trusts me.

“Hey, where is Alex?” Jac asked. No one had really paid any attention until now, but Alex was taking a hell of a long time in the washroom.

“Where’s Alex, don’t you mean where’s Jack,” Zack responded. Though his words were slurred, he was right. It doesn’t take fifteen minutes to grab a beer.

“Mommy!” I sat up, not wanting Noah to see me so close to Rian, and rushed over to him.

“What is it hunny?”

“There are some funny noises coming from your room.”

I tried to stifle my laugh, as I knew exactly what was going on. “It’s okay, sweetheart, Mommy knows what it is. Go back to bed.”

“Are you sure?” He furrowed his eyebrows and put his hands on his hips, imitating Jac’s upset stance perfectly.

“One hundred percent sure. Now, get your butt back in bed.” I tousled his hair a little before tapping his back, Noah then running back into his room.

“Goodnight!” I whispered to Noah as I passed his door, but he was already fast asleep.

“Jack! Alex!” I knocked on my closed bedroom door, listening with my ear close to the door. They obviously didn’t hear me, so I just barged him.

“Aw, shit,” I spun around and covered my eyes when I walked in. Jack lay shirtless on my bed, Alex on top. Jack had one of his hands down Alex’s pants, the other of Alex’s back. Alex had his legs spread wide, on either side of Jack, whilst his mouth attacked Jack’s neck.

“Guys! Come on!” I yelled at them, but they took little notice of my being there.

“Come on, Mommy, five more minutes?” Jack eventually turned his face to me, putting on a pout.

I couldn’t help but laugh at his childishness. “Fine but don’t forget to -” I was cut off by a loud moan from Alex, a smile covering Jack’s face as he pushed his hand farther down the front of Alex’s jeans. “Okay, you know, what? I’m going now, this is awkward.”

“Did they get into your clothes again?” Jac asked when I got back to the living room, shaking my head. Sure, I’d seen Jack and Alex make out before, but I’ve never walked in on something that intense.

“Ugh, no. They are back in our room . . .playing doctor,”

“Ahh,” Jac nodded her head and rolled her eyes from were she sat on the floor between Matt and Vinny. I felt a little bad for her. It was a little, no, a lot, obvious that she had a crush on Alex. Alex would flirt back with her; I could see how happy she got when they talked. But then this would happen - pretty much every time. I always wondered why she didn’t move on.

This time I seated myself on Zack, who wrapped both arms around me and kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his warm chest, quickly falling asleep.

❖--❖

My days went on, normally as life with Zack is. Alex came over more often, as he’d started to give Noah guitar lessons. My days turned into weeks. And I thought less and less of Pat, or of the CD. Luckily, Zack had asked no questions and Noah had forgotten. As the weeks turned into months, I’d completely forgotten about Secrets Don’t Make Friends CD. Next thing I knew, Noah had finished an entire year of kindergarten and it was summer; over a year since I’d heard from Pat and only a little less since I’d thought of him.

I’d also become more confident. Not that I’d had a low self esteem before, I was just unsure what other mothers would think of me. My style had always been a little - rough, I guess. I liked studs, and still do. My - fake - leather jacket was a must. It wasn’t total hardcore biker-chick leather jacket. I guess if someone were to put a label on my style it would be hipster and borderline scene. I used to wear my lip ring daily, same with my nose. I when I got dressed up, I loved to play up my eyes with liquid liner, creating a cat eye look; other then that I usually wore a bit of mascara and a bit of shadow.

But when you are a new mother, carrying around your baby wearing cut up bleached jeans, thin white tank top, moccasins with my favourite headband, mothers are not always so accepting. So I took out my piercings; I let my dark brown hair grow out to it’s natural shade of red. I didn’t feel like myself, but I at least felt accepted.

But Noah was older now; a whole five years. I didn’t care what those other mothers thought anymore, and don’t understand why I did care. Zack and I raised Noah properly, and better then some of those stiff-blondes who’d originally stuck up their nose at me.

“Do you think he’s too young?” I asked Zack as we lay together on the beach, Noah off at his friends.

“For what?”

“Guitar.”

“Nah, you can’t never be too young.”

“Double negative.”

“What?”

I smiled and poked him in the chest; Zack knew very well I was correcting his grammar. “I suppose so. You still want to show him bass?”

Zack laughed before replying: “Yea. I know Rian was excited about drums, too.”

“Well, that only leaves Jack then,” I teased, hearing about all the people who were so anxious to teach their own personal passion to Noah.

“Babe, I think Jack needs to learn how to play his own instrument before he can teach anyone else.”

I glared at Zack, for making Jack the butt of every joke, before bursting into giggles, settling myself closer to him. “I love you,” I said.

“You too, Deidee. I love you.”

I closed my eyes and listened to the beating of his heart in my ear.

“Dei, are you still awake?”

“Mmmm,” I hummed in that hazy lull before you fall asleep.

“I’ve got something to ask you.”

“Shoot.”

“It’s sort of important.”

I sat up, propping up my body with my elbow in the sand and looked Zack in the eye, “better?” I asked, slightly annoyed.

“Mhm,” he nodded his head and smiled at me. “Deidee.” Zack just looked at me for what seemed like eons.

“Zack, what?” I said, breaking the silence.

“Marry me.”

My eyes clouded over; tears spilt out of my eyes and ran over my face, soaking my cheeks and pooling the corners of my mouth. They were the sweetest tears I had ever tasted. “Oh, Zack, yes; Of course.” I closed my eyes and pulled him into a tight hug, feeling happier then I had ever felt before. I didn’t think things could have gotten any better. But I always seem to be wrong.