We All Roll Along

“Holy shit, Dei, are you serious?” I heard Juliette* squeal over the phone. I could almost picture her - phone in hand - jumping up and down on her tiled kitchen floor; her thick wool socks pulled up to her knees, American Apparel style shorts and a baggy racerback with a bandeau underneath. Typical Juliette. “So, when did he ask you?”

I sighed as I explained all the details to my best friend. Juliette still lived in Arizona, with her boyfriend Stephen. We didn’t see each other as often as I’d like to, but that didn’t stop me from running up our phone bill with calls to her every month. Once we got talking, we could go on forever.

“So, have you been talked to John or anyone lately?” Juliette asked, nonchalantly.

“Juli - you know that answer perfectly well!” I laughed. She at least once in all of our conversations asked if I’d made any contact with Pat since Christmas. “The only boys I keep in contact with are Kennedy and Garrett,” I reminded her for what seemed like the millionth time. “So, what are you up to this weekend?”

“Oh, not too much. I think that Saturday Stephen and I are heading over to his parent’s for dinner. Not too much besides that.”

“Will John be there?” I asked, referring to Stephen’s adorable brother.

“You know it, why?”

“You guys want to come up? To Cali, I mean,” I bit my lip, readying myself for what would be an eruption from Juliette. Like I said - we didn’t get to see each other often, and I had this weekend free.

“Oh my gosh yes!” Juli yelled on the other end of the line.

“Alright, I gotta go now - but don’t tell Stephen’s family about me and Zack. I want it to be a surprise when they get the invite, okay?”

“My lips are sealed,” she said. We said our goodbyes and I hung up, knowing perfectly well that at the very least, Stephen and John would find out.

“You ready to go?” I turned around to see Zack standing at the door, his shoes on, waiting for me to accompany him - we were going to pick out flowers.

“Yep! Just let me grab my glasses ‘n stuff,” I held up one finger to him, indicating how quick I’d be and dashed from the kitchen down the hall and hung and left into our room.

I picked up my white Ray Bans off of my bedside table, my floppy hat and, lastly, my phone on my bed. I was just heading out the door when I looked down at the screen of my phone, flashing one new message. I slid it open and looked at the text - Our days are numbered and you know we’re not getting any younger. I miss you.

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused. I looked at the number it was sent from, but didn’t recognize it. “Weird,” I mumbled to myself, as I walked out of the room and to Zack, putting my phone in my pocket.

“What’s that?” Zack asked as we headed out the door.

“Oh, nothing, just some funny text.” I said, giving it no thought as I put on my sunglasses and hat; getting excited for the rest of my day. Noah was at Jac’s for the afternoon - most likely spoiling himself on ice-cream and too much TV - so Zack and I had the afternoon together, a rare occurrence.

Zack and I strolled around, hand in hand, on the board-walk looking at all the little shops selling tiny trinkets of shells and sea glass opposite the glittering ocean. I could taste the salt on my lips and the wind pushed my hair away from my face, tangling it in lazy knots. “Any kind in mind?” I asked Zack, kissing his cheek.

“Hm?” he nodded towards me, “kind of what?”

“Flower!” I reminded, giving his hair a playful tussle.

“Oh, right right. Um, no not really. Whatever you want babe - it’s your wedding.”

I felt my stomach contract and my throat tighten. Those were words I never wanted to hear. It wasn’t my wedding - it was as equally mine as it was his. He’d been the one to decide on getting married in the first place, he must at least care a little.

“Okay,” I muttered, pulling Zack with me into a minute flower shop. “How many do we need?” I asked Zack, showing my agitation a little.

“Um, well there is your bouquet and your brides-maids. So - you said you wanted Jac and Juli, right? So just three.”

“Okay,” I felt a little guilty for acting rude to him, so I pecked his cheek and smiled bright; I was getting married.

I looked around the store a little; filled with every flower imaginable. “Do you have anything simple?” I asked the shop keeper. I was never one for flamboyance.

“Like what?”

I closed my eyes, not wanting to say it in front of Zack. But they were a part of my past; I could feel my heart tugging towards them. I could never disobey my heart. “Do you have any daisies?” I cautiously asked.

“Oh, yes, give me a minute love.” I stole a glance at Zack while the florist fuddled off in the back with something. He didn’t look too impressed.

His face reeked disappointment. I knew that he wouldn’t be happy; maybe a little upset. But I didn’t want him to be disappointed with me. Mostly because I didn’t want him to think this was about Pat; it wasn’t at all. John, Jared, Garrett and Kennedy were some of my best friends. Sure, some of us had our ups and downs* but in the end I still loved those boys. They had taken me away for a summer that changed me. It was a summer where I had learned, ultimately, about - well - life. How to commit and not give in and be true to the people you love. And because of them I’m a better and stronger person. And I could never thank them enough for that.

“I’m sorry Zacky. I love them too much not to. It’s sort of my way of having them there; supporting me.”

“What do you mean?” Zack’s face changed from disappointed into confusion, “I thought that after all this time of waiting to get married you’d at least pick something a little more. . opulent, I guess.”
I stuck out my tongue at him; glad that he didn’t understand the connection of daisies with my past in Arizona.

Zack and I placed our order and left; continuing our wandering by the ocean. I pressed my shoulder on his arm and closed my eyes, letting his body guide mine - this is what love felt like.