Secrets
XI
I slid my shoes back on and headed home. This is all to much for one day, my head’s spinning. The walk home took longer than I thought it would. It was like those days that you want to go by extremely fast but they feel like they drag on forever. All I wanted was to take a shower and go to bed. There was so much on my mind.
I shut the front door behind me and shut my eyes and slumped against the door for a second. I sighed with frustration and sorrow and opened my eyes. I took long strides up the stairs and straight to the bathroom. I locked the door and started the shower and stripped out of what little clothing I was wearing and stared at myself in the mirror. I stared at myself in disgust as I glanced at the scars covering my wrists, how could my brother know about them? I snapped out of my thoughts seeing that the mirror was blurred from the steam and stepped into the blazing shower. The water was burning against my sensitive skin but I hardly noticed, I felt numb. This…this feeling is so unbearable. I feel so weak and not in control of my life, I feel as though I have no idea what’s happening anymore or what’s going to happen. Before I know it I’m sitting in the shower with my knees pulled tight into my body, crying. It makes me feel so childish and idiotic. I never cry and look at this, I’m crying again!
I forced myself to get a grip and pull myself together. My mom would be home soon and there’s no way in hell I’m telling her about any of this what so ever. She’d be a wreck and I’d blame myself for her pain. I shuffled back into my room with my towel wrapped around me and my damp hair pulled up into a messy bun. I stopped about half way to my bed and felt the blood drain form my face leaving my ghostly white. I was frozen in my steps. Right at the head of my bed, upon my black pillow was the picture that was in the note Joey gave me. The same picture I had put into the shoe box and under my bed. I scrabbled to my stomach looking under my bed to find the box was still there and everything was still in it. I got back to my feet scratching my head in utter confusion. How…how could that possible have gotten there?
I whipped my head towards my window when I heard a stick crack and some leaves crunch outside. I moved over to the window and slid my fingers into the space that was always left open and lifted it high enough to stick my head out and look down only to find nothing there but the dark of the night. I turned back to the photo of me and my brother and held it in my hands. It was warm, as if someone had been holding it their hand. Maybe…maybe Jeremy was here? Maybe my brother really has been watching over me and I just haven’t noticed it.
I changed into a sports bra and boxers after putting the picture back into the shoe box. I’d keep it out if it wasn’t for my mom. I lay in bed ad stare at my ceiling hoping that today was just all a dream, but part of me is glad that it isn’t. I roll over to my side curling up with my teddy and felt my eyes growing heavy.
I shut the front door behind me and shut my eyes and slumped against the door for a second. I sighed with frustration and sorrow and opened my eyes. I took long strides up the stairs and straight to the bathroom. I locked the door and started the shower and stripped out of what little clothing I was wearing and stared at myself in the mirror. I stared at myself in disgust as I glanced at the scars covering my wrists, how could my brother know about them? I snapped out of my thoughts seeing that the mirror was blurred from the steam and stepped into the blazing shower. The water was burning against my sensitive skin but I hardly noticed, I felt numb. This…this feeling is so unbearable. I feel so weak and not in control of my life, I feel as though I have no idea what’s happening anymore or what’s going to happen. Before I know it I’m sitting in the shower with my knees pulled tight into my body, crying. It makes me feel so childish and idiotic. I never cry and look at this, I’m crying again!
I forced myself to get a grip and pull myself together. My mom would be home soon and there’s no way in hell I’m telling her about any of this what so ever. She’d be a wreck and I’d blame myself for her pain. I shuffled back into my room with my towel wrapped around me and my damp hair pulled up into a messy bun. I stopped about half way to my bed and felt the blood drain form my face leaving my ghostly white. I was frozen in my steps. Right at the head of my bed, upon my black pillow was the picture that was in the note Joey gave me. The same picture I had put into the shoe box and under my bed. I scrabbled to my stomach looking under my bed to find the box was still there and everything was still in it. I got back to my feet scratching my head in utter confusion. How…how could that possible have gotten there?
I whipped my head towards my window when I heard a stick crack and some leaves crunch outside. I moved over to the window and slid my fingers into the space that was always left open and lifted it high enough to stick my head out and look down only to find nothing there but the dark of the night. I turned back to the photo of me and my brother and held it in my hands. It was warm, as if someone had been holding it their hand. Maybe…maybe Jeremy was here? Maybe my brother really has been watching over me and I just haven’t noticed it.
I changed into a sports bra and boxers after putting the picture back into the shoe box. I’d keep it out if it wasn’t for my mom. I lay in bed ad stare at my ceiling hoping that today was just all a dream, but part of me is glad that it isn’t. I roll over to my side curling up with my teddy and felt my eyes growing heavy.
♠ ♠ ♠
just a filler really "/