It Seems I'm Too Far Gone
A small price I'll pay to see that you're happy
"Billie that was so awful, you don't even understand," Adie said, laying next to him on her bed, in their usual spots. Billie had left after dessert was served and conversation was stemmed or simply didn't involve him. He'd gone home to change, leaving Adie time to shower and go to bed, only to show up at her window at the proper time. They were really getting good at this.
"I do understand- I was there. Though, I don't honestly think it was as bad as you think," he said, laughing with her.
"But, see, you don't know them as well as I do. You heard the things they said- some of them bad enough on their own- but I could also guess what was playing in their minds. It's just different for me," she said, putting her arm over her eyes. "You just couldn't understand."
"I think I understand perfectly, 80," Billie Joe said, sitting up, looking down at her. "I don't think you have as much faith in people as I do."
"O geeze, Billie, don't make me laugh," Adie said, propping herself up to look at him. The room was pitch black and they could see little more than a faint silhouette of each other, but still, they tried to meet each other's eyes. "The day you have faith in people is the day my mother forsakes all material things and becomes a nun."
Billie Joe couldn't see her when she said it, and she obviously couldn't see him, but still, the words silenced the both of them for a second. He knew she was right, and that he was simply speaking out of his ass when he'd said that thing about faith in people, but it was still a slight slap in the face for her to tell him something he'd never actually heard from a person before. Adie could sense his lack of comfort from the statement and tried to fill the silence.
"Still," she said, scooting over to be next to him on the wall, "It's cute that you dream," she chuckled and took his hand in hers.
***
"Personally, I think that April Fool's Day is the perfect day to drop out of school," Billie Joe said, picking at an unknown material stuck to his jeans. He, Adie, Juliette, and Mike were sitting in his basement recapping the day's events.
"Bill, you had like 2 months, tops, to go. Why just quit?" Mike laughed.
"Well, even if I had graduated, and you know, I can't promise that I would have, that diploma, those grades and shit, well they wouldn't have been worth anything. I mean, for me, they never would, but even for a normal person, I was shit at school. You know that, Mike," Billie said, trying to make sense to his friend.
"My parents will love this," Adie said, laughing to herself. "I'll just assume they know until my sister brings it up," she said, and looked at Billie Joe, humorously shaking her head.
"Why would your parents care, Adie?" Mike asked her, causing them both to jerk their heads in Mike's direction. Since they had never fully come out to their friends about their relationship, they were clueless as to what to say to him.
"Relax, guys," Mike laughed. "I'm just messing with you. I already know you two are practically dating. I thought that was old news," he said, leaning back in his chair. Truth be told, Adie and Billie thought it was old news too- to themselves. They weren't really sure what their friends thought of them, but they'd never done anything but flirt casually in front of other people, so they couldn't imagine that it was that obvious. So, if Mike knew... then what about Juliette? Thinking the same thing, they both turned to look at her, who rolled her eyes.
"Oh, c'mon guys, we all know you two are messing around. Only person respectfully clueless is your GIRLFRIEND, Billie Joe," she said, trying to bring Billie back to reality, for the sake of both of her friends. Adie's eyes silently went to the floor, but Billie Joe didn't notice, as he became a little defensive.
"What's that supposed to mean, Juliette?"
"Exactly what it sounded like. It's not fair to Adie that you have a girlfriend on the side. You're going to have to choose, and frankly, I don't even know why you still hang on to Baily. She's a bitch," she said simply. The only noise after that was a poorly stifled burst of laughter coming from Mike. Billie Joe glared at him.
"Juliette, stop," Adie told her friend, afraid of where this was going, and sick of hearing the same thing over and over. She was already thinking about their situation enough by herself.
"Well, frankly, Juliette, I think you're the last person to be giving me relationship advice," Billie Joe snapped back at her, hoping for his words to sting. And they did. Juliette was on her feet.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" she yelled down at him, her eyes mere slits she was so furious.
"Exactly what it sounded like!" Billie Joe stood up to yell in her face. For a spit second they were unmoving and silent. Adie and Mike were trying to step in.
"Guys stop, ok?" Adie said putting a hand on each of their shoulders.
"Well, guess what, Billie Joe, you won't have to worry. I won't be around much longer to give you any more 'relationship advice,'" she said, her voice wavering by the end.
"What do you mean?" Mike asked before Adie could say it.
Juliette shook her head.
"Whatever, this is stupid. I'm going home," she said, grabbing her bag and making her way towards the door. Adie pulled her back.
"What do you mean?" she asked, placing both of her hands on her shoulders. Juliette's eyes started to fill up and she slowly took her seat again and put her head in her hands.
"I'm leaving. We're leaving... Me and Adam," was all she could say.
Everyone else's mouths fell open. They couldn't believe what they were hearing, and even Billie Joe, who was just a second ago about to burst, sat down, unable to unscramble the mess laid out before him. Juliette finally put her head up, not able to put up with the horrid silence and wiped her eyes.
"We decided to skip town awhile ago. His cousin works for a good company in Chicago. We're hoping to get a nice place there and... I don't know... settle down. He's like you, Billie Joe- school's not getting him anywhere," she said, looking towards Billie Joe with sad eyes. Billie Joe frowned and turned away.
"That motherfucker's nothing like me..." he said under his breath, but loud enough to where everyone could hear him. Adie, not wanting Juliette to walk out for real this time, put a hand on Billie's knee to calm him down.
"All I'm saying is, I don't want to stay here, guys. I don't have a nice family. I don't have a band. I've got nothing. I mean, I've got a boyfriend, and a chance at a pretty good life. And I'm not letting that get by me. You've got to at least try to understand," she practically begged. Adie just looked at her, her own eyes starting to tear up.
"Chicago?" she asked, almost to herself, as if she didn't believe it. "Like... Illinois?"
"Adie, what other Chicago have you heard of?" Juliette said, and laughed, because she couldn't think of anything better to do.
***
Adie tugged awkwardly at the seatbelt that held her to the seat in which she sat as the passenger. Billie Joe drove the old van they were using to haul band equipment around. Tre and Mike sat in the back chatting absentmindedly. In the front, Adie and Billie were silent. Billie Joe looked over at Adie, who's eyes were glued downward, as if her whole being weighed them down. Keeping his eyes on the road, he reached over and grabbed her hand.
"Everything will be ok. Maybe she's right about him after all, and we're just being too judgmental," he said, in a vain attempt at hope. Adie just frowned back at him.
"Billie, don't do that. I don't think she'd let anything get too bad with him. She's strong, and we've made her even stronger. I'm just upset that I'm never going to see her again," and her eyes went back to their first position.
"Hey, there's still tonight. Maybe we can convince her to stay. And if not, well, it'll be the best going away party you've ever seen," he said, and the slightest excuse of a smile played on Adie's lips, even though she still didn't look up. Billie glanced over at her and squeezed her hand lightly. She looked over to him.
"She's going to love it," he said, and Adie knew it was true. Juliette would love it, and it was a complete surprise- sort of. It all started about 3 days after they'd had their outburst in Billie's basement. Juliette had come to Adie and told her that they were leaving in a week, once Adam got his last paycheck and he had everything planned out for the long trip. It was hard at first for Adie to accept that, but in the end, she knew she had to and that she had to be there to support her friend, who was going- like it or not.
So, she, Mike, Tre, and Billie Joe got together to plan a nice going away present for Juliette. Tre didn't really know her that well, but he had still decided that he liked her. Together, even though Billie Joe had done most of the writing, with a tiny bit of help from Adrienne, they had made her one last song, dedicated to her, and recorded on cassette so she could take it wherever. Even better, they planned it on the last night, when Adam would be too busy planning to come. The only trouble would be tearing Juliette away from him to get to the Gilman one last time.
They finally pulled up to Juliette's house and, luckily, they were in the garage, which was wide open.
"Hey, guys," she said as they all hopped out of the van. "Whatcha doin' here?"
"Well," Adie started, "We were actually about to head over to the Gilman. The guys are playing tonight, ya know?"
"Yah, I'd heard that. We're pretty busy though. Got to leave tonight so we've got to make sure we know what we're doing. It's just got to be before my parents figure out what's going on. They'll find the note tomorrow morning, I assume," she said last, which really killed the conversation for a minute. It was just the way she talked about what she was doing. Like she was going to the grocery store, and not running away, which is really what she was doing- running away like a little girl mad at her parents for not getting her the candy she wanted. But Adie shook the thought out of her mind. This was not the time to be angry with her best friend, when all she really wanted to do was just see her one last night. This had to work.
"Aw, c'mon," Mike jumped in. "Adam seems like he's got the whole thing under control. And you've packed and everything," he said, pointing to the bags waiting beside the trunk of Adam's car.
"Yeah," Adie said, noticing that Juliette was about to break. "One last show, for old time's sake. Whadaya say?"
Juliette bit her lip a little, very much wanting to give in. She looked at Adam, who couldn't honestly look like he cared less and asked him. "Do you mind? You could just pick me up from there and we could leave? It would even be an alibi for my parents for a bit. It would work out pretty well, actually," she pleaded.
"Whatever, if you say so. Just be ready when I get there. I'm not waiting," he said, then went back to the map he was looking at. Juliette grinned and practically skipped over to the van.
Once strapped in, which Juliette sitting in the back with Mike and Tre, they headed on down to the Gilman, Billie Joe and Adie exchanging silent, unnoticed smiles on the way there.
"Tre, if you don't stop drumming I'm going to make you eat that drumstick," Juliette said to him in the middle of the ride.
"See, this is why I'm going to miss you," he said, causing laughter from everyone.
***
"This last song is about a girl, but not just any girl. She may be one of the coolest girls I've ever met and I'm going to miss her like hell," Billie Joe started up on stage, and Juliette whipped her head around to stare open-mouthed at Adrienne. Adrienne smiled smugly. She'd pushed Juliette up right in front of the stage, positioned right in front of Billie Joe so he'd see her perfectly and so she was ready to hear everything he said. Up until now she just thought she was here to see a kickass show, which was only half right.
"Juliette, this is for you, from us. All of us," Billie said before jumping into the beginning of the song.
Juliette's trying
To find out what she wants
But she don't know
Experience has got her down
Well look this direction
I know it's not perfection
It's just me...
I want to bring you up again now
'Cuz I'm losing whats left of my dignity
A small price I'll pay to see that you're happy
Forget all the disappointments you have faced
Open up your worried world and let me in
Juliette's crying
'Cuz now she's realizing love can be
Filled with pain and distrust
I know I am crazy
And a bit lazy but I will try
To bring you up again somehow.
'Cuz I'm losing whats left of my dignity
A small price I'll pay to see that you're happy
Forget all the disappointments you have faced
Open up your worried world and let me in.
The song ended and both Adrienne and Juliette were in tears. It was Juliette though who pulled Adrienne back to the far wall of the club.
"First off, Adie," she started, then pulled her into the biggest hug she'd ever given anyone. "Second, I'm going to be fine. I have to ask you to at least not worry about me. Not like that song sounds like you will," and Adrienne started to speak, but Juliette cut her off. "Please, promise me, you won't worry. I'm going to be just fine," and she hugged Adrienne again before she could even reply.
Just then, Adam walked in and tapped impatiently on Juliette's shoulder. She turned around and told him to wait just a second, and he told her that they didn't have that kind of time. They had to leave now. Adie brushed that off, not even about to let Adam spoil this.
"You're going to have to tell the guys bye for me," Juliette told her, and Adie nodded, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks already.
"Never forget what you mean to me, Adrienne. I love you so much," she said, hugged her one last time, and walked out. Adrienne just stood there, unable to move, and waited to for Billie Joe to find her, excited to hear about what she thought about the song.
"I do understand- I was there. Though, I don't honestly think it was as bad as you think," he said, laughing with her.
"But, see, you don't know them as well as I do. You heard the things they said- some of them bad enough on their own- but I could also guess what was playing in their minds. It's just different for me," she said, putting her arm over her eyes. "You just couldn't understand."
"I think I understand perfectly, 80," Billie Joe said, sitting up, looking down at her. "I don't think you have as much faith in people as I do."
"O geeze, Billie, don't make me laugh," Adie said, propping herself up to look at him. The room was pitch black and they could see little more than a faint silhouette of each other, but still, they tried to meet each other's eyes. "The day you have faith in people is the day my mother forsakes all material things and becomes a nun."
Billie Joe couldn't see her when she said it, and she obviously couldn't see him, but still, the words silenced the both of them for a second. He knew she was right, and that he was simply speaking out of his ass when he'd said that thing about faith in people, but it was still a slight slap in the face for her to tell him something he'd never actually heard from a person before. Adie could sense his lack of comfort from the statement and tried to fill the silence.
"Still," she said, scooting over to be next to him on the wall, "It's cute that you dream," she chuckled and took his hand in hers.
***
"Personally, I think that April Fool's Day is the perfect day to drop out of school," Billie Joe said, picking at an unknown material stuck to his jeans. He, Adie, Juliette, and Mike were sitting in his basement recapping the day's events.
"Bill, you had like 2 months, tops, to go. Why just quit?" Mike laughed.
"Well, even if I had graduated, and you know, I can't promise that I would have, that diploma, those grades and shit, well they wouldn't have been worth anything. I mean, for me, they never would, but even for a normal person, I was shit at school. You know that, Mike," Billie said, trying to make sense to his friend.
"My parents will love this," Adie said, laughing to herself. "I'll just assume they know until my sister brings it up," she said, and looked at Billie Joe, humorously shaking her head.
"Why would your parents care, Adie?" Mike asked her, causing them both to jerk their heads in Mike's direction. Since they had never fully come out to their friends about their relationship, they were clueless as to what to say to him.
"Relax, guys," Mike laughed. "I'm just messing with you. I already know you two are practically dating. I thought that was old news," he said, leaning back in his chair. Truth be told, Adie and Billie thought it was old news too- to themselves. They weren't really sure what their friends thought of them, but they'd never done anything but flirt casually in front of other people, so they couldn't imagine that it was that obvious. So, if Mike knew... then what about Juliette? Thinking the same thing, they both turned to look at her, who rolled her eyes.
"Oh, c'mon guys, we all know you two are messing around. Only person respectfully clueless is your GIRLFRIEND, Billie Joe," she said, trying to bring Billie back to reality, for the sake of both of her friends. Adie's eyes silently went to the floor, but Billie Joe didn't notice, as he became a little defensive.
"What's that supposed to mean, Juliette?"
"Exactly what it sounded like. It's not fair to Adie that you have a girlfriend on the side. You're going to have to choose, and frankly, I don't even know why you still hang on to Baily. She's a bitch," she said simply. The only noise after that was a poorly stifled burst of laughter coming from Mike. Billie Joe glared at him.
"Juliette, stop," Adie told her friend, afraid of where this was going, and sick of hearing the same thing over and over. She was already thinking about their situation enough by herself.
"Well, frankly, Juliette, I think you're the last person to be giving me relationship advice," Billie Joe snapped back at her, hoping for his words to sting. And they did. Juliette was on her feet.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" she yelled down at him, her eyes mere slits she was so furious.
"Exactly what it sounded like!" Billie Joe stood up to yell in her face. For a spit second they were unmoving and silent. Adie and Mike were trying to step in.
"Guys stop, ok?" Adie said putting a hand on each of their shoulders.
"Well, guess what, Billie Joe, you won't have to worry. I won't be around much longer to give you any more 'relationship advice,'" she said, her voice wavering by the end.
"What do you mean?" Mike asked before Adie could say it.
Juliette shook her head.
"Whatever, this is stupid. I'm going home," she said, grabbing her bag and making her way towards the door. Adie pulled her back.
"What do you mean?" she asked, placing both of her hands on her shoulders. Juliette's eyes started to fill up and she slowly took her seat again and put her head in her hands.
"I'm leaving. We're leaving... Me and Adam," was all she could say.
Everyone else's mouths fell open. They couldn't believe what they were hearing, and even Billie Joe, who was just a second ago about to burst, sat down, unable to unscramble the mess laid out before him. Juliette finally put her head up, not able to put up with the horrid silence and wiped her eyes.
"We decided to skip town awhile ago. His cousin works for a good company in Chicago. We're hoping to get a nice place there and... I don't know... settle down. He's like you, Billie Joe- school's not getting him anywhere," she said, looking towards Billie Joe with sad eyes. Billie Joe frowned and turned away.
"That motherfucker's nothing like me..." he said under his breath, but loud enough to where everyone could hear him. Adie, not wanting Juliette to walk out for real this time, put a hand on Billie's knee to calm him down.
"All I'm saying is, I don't want to stay here, guys. I don't have a nice family. I don't have a band. I've got nothing. I mean, I've got a boyfriend, and a chance at a pretty good life. And I'm not letting that get by me. You've got to at least try to understand," she practically begged. Adie just looked at her, her own eyes starting to tear up.
"Chicago?" she asked, almost to herself, as if she didn't believe it. "Like... Illinois?"
"Adie, what other Chicago have you heard of?" Juliette said, and laughed, because she couldn't think of anything better to do.
***
Adie tugged awkwardly at the seatbelt that held her to the seat in which she sat as the passenger. Billie Joe drove the old van they were using to haul band equipment around. Tre and Mike sat in the back chatting absentmindedly. In the front, Adie and Billie were silent. Billie Joe looked over at Adie, who's eyes were glued downward, as if her whole being weighed them down. Keeping his eyes on the road, he reached over and grabbed her hand.
"Everything will be ok. Maybe she's right about him after all, and we're just being too judgmental," he said, in a vain attempt at hope. Adie just frowned back at him.
"Billie, don't do that. I don't think she'd let anything get too bad with him. She's strong, and we've made her even stronger. I'm just upset that I'm never going to see her again," and her eyes went back to their first position.
"Hey, there's still tonight. Maybe we can convince her to stay. And if not, well, it'll be the best going away party you've ever seen," he said, and the slightest excuse of a smile played on Adie's lips, even though she still didn't look up. Billie glanced over at her and squeezed her hand lightly. She looked over to him.
"She's going to love it," he said, and Adie knew it was true. Juliette would love it, and it was a complete surprise- sort of. It all started about 3 days after they'd had their outburst in Billie's basement. Juliette had come to Adie and told her that they were leaving in a week, once Adam got his last paycheck and he had everything planned out for the long trip. It was hard at first for Adie to accept that, but in the end, she knew she had to and that she had to be there to support her friend, who was going- like it or not.
So, she, Mike, Tre, and Billie Joe got together to plan a nice going away present for Juliette. Tre didn't really know her that well, but he had still decided that he liked her. Together, even though Billie Joe had done most of the writing, with a tiny bit of help from Adrienne, they had made her one last song, dedicated to her, and recorded on cassette so she could take it wherever. Even better, they planned it on the last night, when Adam would be too busy planning to come. The only trouble would be tearing Juliette away from him to get to the Gilman one last time.
They finally pulled up to Juliette's house and, luckily, they were in the garage, which was wide open.
"Hey, guys," she said as they all hopped out of the van. "Whatcha doin' here?"
"Well," Adie started, "We were actually about to head over to the Gilman. The guys are playing tonight, ya know?"
"Yah, I'd heard that. We're pretty busy though. Got to leave tonight so we've got to make sure we know what we're doing. It's just got to be before my parents figure out what's going on. They'll find the note tomorrow morning, I assume," she said last, which really killed the conversation for a minute. It was just the way she talked about what she was doing. Like she was going to the grocery store, and not running away, which is really what she was doing- running away like a little girl mad at her parents for not getting her the candy she wanted. But Adie shook the thought out of her mind. This was not the time to be angry with her best friend, when all she really wanted to do was just see her one last night. This had to work.
"Aw, c'mon," Mike jumped in. "Adam seems like he's got the whole thing under control. And you've packed and everything," he said, pointing to the bags waiting beside the trunk of Adam's car.
"Yeah," Adie said, noticing that Juliette was about to break. "One last show, for old time's sake. Whadaya say?"
Juliette bit her lip a little, very much wanting to give in. She looked at Adam, who couldn't honestly look like he cared less and asked him. "Do you mind? You could just pick me up from there and we could leave? It would even be an alibi for my parents for a bit. It would work out pretty well, actually," she pleaded.
"Whatever, if you say so. Just be ready when I get there. I'm not waiting," he said, then went back to the map he was looking at. Juliette grinned and practically skipped over to the van.
Once strapped in, which Juliette sitting in the back with Mike and Tre, they headed on down to the Gilman, Billie Joe and Adie exchanging silent, unnoticed smiles on the way there.
"Tre, if you don't stop drumming I'm going to make you eat that drumstick," Juliette said to him in the middle of the ride.
"See, this is why I'm going to miss you," he said, causing laughter from everyone.
***
"This last song is about a girl, but not just any girl. She may be one of the coolest girls I've ever met and I'm going to miss her like hell," Billie Joe started up on stage, and Juliette whipped her head around to stare open-mouthed at Adrienne. Adrienne smiled smugly. She'd pushed Juliette up right in front of the stage, positioned right in front of Billie Joe so he'd see her perfectly and so she was ready to hear everything he said. Up until now she just thought she was here to see a kickass show, which was only half right.
"Juliette, this is for you, from us. All of us," Billie said before jumping into the beginning of the song.
Juliette's trying
To find out what she wants
But she don't know
Experience has got her down
Well look this direction
I know it's not perfection
It's just me...
I want to bring you up again now
'Cuz I'm losing whats left of my dignity
A small price I'll pay to see that you're happy
Forget all the disappointments you have faced
Open up your worried world and let me in
Juliette's crying
'Cuz now she's realizing love can be
Filled with pain and distrust
I know I am crazy
And a bit lazy but I will try
To bring you up again somehow.
'Cuz I'm losing whats left of my dignity
A small price I'll pay to see that you're happy
Forget all the disappointments you have faced
Open up your worried world and let me in.
The song ended and both Adrienne and Juliette were in tears. It was Juliette though who pulled Adrienne back to the far wall of the club.
"First off, Adie," she started, then pulled her into the biggest hug she'd ever given anyone. "Second, I'm going to be fine. I have to ask you to at least not worry about me. Not like that song sounds like you will," and Adrienne started to speak, but Juliette cut her off. "Please, promise me, you won't worry. I'm going to be just fine," and she hugged Adrienne again before she could even reply.
Just then, Adam walked in and tapped impatiently on Juliette's shoulder. She turned around and told him to wait just a second, and he told her that they didn't have that kind of time. They had to leave now. Adie brushed that off, not even about to let Adam spoil this.
"You're going to have to tell the guys bye for me," Juliette told her, and Adie nodded, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks already.
"Never forget what you mean to me, Adrienne. I love you so much," she said, hugged her one last time, and walked out. Adrienne just stood there, unable to move, and waited to for Billie Joe to find her, excited to hear about what she thought about the song.