It Seems I'm Too Far Gone
It Seems I'm Too Far Gone
In theory, when Adrienne confronted Billie Joe, he should have expected her anger, or at least thought about it. Surprisingly enough, however, he did not. Not one bit.
"I don't care who your girlfriend is, Billie. I'm here to ask you how you plan on doing this. How do you plan on keeping me? 'Cuz I sure as hell am not even considering continuing this at this point," and for once, Billie's attention was caught and focused fully. He might lose her.
"W... what?"
"Billie Joe, this is ridiculous, and we're just lying to ourselves saying it isn't. What if I found some other guy? How would you feel?" Adie looked at him, desperation practically pouring out of her eyes.
Billie Joe slid down the wall he had been leaning against.
"I can't explain it. I don't know what I can't let go about her, I just-"
"Well I don't know either!" she yelled. She couldn't help it. The helpless role Billie Joe was trying to play was just infuriating her. Billie Joe couldn't help but glare up at her.
"Well what about you? You've been fine with this up until some random moment when you're in a bad mood! You can't just change and expect me to know!"
"Ugh, well what did you expect, exactly, Billie? Did you picture the three of us in a lovely house down the road some day? You guys have your kids, and we have ours?" Billie Joe stood up.
"Since when are we talking about kids?! What the hell, Adie?!" Adrienne felt like smacking him.
"Ugh- you know what I mean! You're avoiding the fact that you're behaving like a selfish, immature asshole. And I'm getting the brunt of it," she said, not helping the tears that she felt overflow in her eyes.
"Like hell you are! Who do you think has to make this decision?" he said, fighting back. Adrienne turned away, shaking her head. "I care about you both so much, and I've got to hurt one of you, and I just don't even know what my own mind is thinking..." he trailed off.
"Oh, poor Billie Joe. Has to choose between two girls who are both dating him! How life must suck for you!"
"Listen, Adrienne-" Billie Joe jumped in, but she cut him off.
"Let me go ahead and reduce some of your stress- if you think you're going to go off with some other girl on tour for an entire month, while still maintaining your relationship with me- you're fucking crazy. So it's probably just easier to tell you now to go fuck yourself, and have fun on tour," she said, walking out of his room without looking back. Billie Joe didn't know if he should go after her or not, but when he heard the front door slam, he figured his mind was made up for him.
***
After the blow up, Billie Joe and Adrienne didn't try to reconcile, and they didn't even attempt to see each other. Adrienne stayed cooped up in her house and at school, trying to avoid even running into Mike or Tre. Billie Joe felt the immense pressure of guilt rising up in him, as well as another feeling he could only point out to be sadness. Even so, he didn't try to fix things. He'd come to a decision- or, rather, Adie had for him- and he felt the weight of choosing lifted from his shoulders. He knew he shouldn't feel that way, but he did. At least he had one girlfriend now, and he didn't have to sneak around behind her.
But in the last days before they headed off on tour, Billie Joe would lay in his bed at night, wanting so badly to get up and leave and climb up to Adie's window. He couldn't help it. Once he even got up, slid his shoes on, and was half way out the door before he realized that she would be peacefully sleeping without him. Not up waiting for him, and not painfully trying to pass the night away.
Which was wrong entirely.
Every night since the fight, Adrienne lay in her own bed, pitifully facing her window, in hopes to hear him scramble up and climb through to her side. But he didn't. And she knew it was foolish of her to hope he would, because she knew he was probably off with his girlfriend, not thinking of her at all.
It wasn't until a month, however, that the stubbornness got the better of both of them.
After Billie Joe, Mike, and Tre had left, Adie couldn't help but regret the lack of consideration she had showed them. Sure, Billie was a special case, but Mike and Tre hadn't done anything wrong. And she missed their friendship terribly. Even so, with Juliette gone, and her three best buds in some other state, Adie couldn't help but become an even more sheltered, lonely person. This being said, she couldn't resist counting the days until the group returned to California and played at the Gilman. Secretly, Adie would also be relieved to know that Baily would be staying behind once they left again. But would never admit this to herself.
As for Billie Joe, his epiphany wasn't an immediate thing, and it came gradually.
Gradually, he started to miss Adrienne, but he knew that from the start. He didn't like it, but he knew he couldn't let her go completely. He just didn't want to deal with that fact. But, once he was around Baily, just Baily, Billie Joe realized that he needed Adrienne. Just Adrienne. The string he still had tied to Baily wasn't quite gone, but he knew that if he had to let her go, he could. But letting 80 go was destroying him. He just fucked up so terribly...
***
As Adrienne sat in her room one evening, she ate the last melted bits of her chocolate ice cream, and flipped through a magazine. She knew what night it was. She knew that Green Day was playing their first show in over a month in town, at the Gilman no less, but she vowed not to go. Up until that day, she wanted to, and she still did, really, but she wouldn't give in. Even so, she refrained from putting on her pajamas just yet. Internally, she was still fighting. It was also a chance to see Mike and Tre after all...
Regardless of what Adie would have chosen, she never had the chance, as a familiar face showed up at her window and almost made her scream bloody murder. Without skipping a beat, she reached over to push the window open and let him in, wondering why she didn't even hesitate.
"Uh... hey," Billie Joe said, realizing that this was terribly awkward and that Adie was probably too shocked to say anything first.
"Hi, Billie," she said, quietly. She wasn't as angry as she envisioned herself being, and that comforted her. She didn't want to blow up on him. She just wanted to see him.
"So... whatcha doin?"
Adie smirked. There was no question now. She didn't need to lie to herself all night and try to convince herself not to go. She had all the reason she needed.
On the walk there, things were stiff and uncomfortable, but Billie Joe knew he had this chance to get her on his side.
"So, I wanted to talk to you about what happened..." he trailed off.
"Well, what happened?" she said, looking over at him softly.
"Adie- 80- I... I thought about you. So much. I mean, just seeing you now, it's amazing, and I'm sorry, and I just want to be with you again-"
"Did you break up with Baily?" she asked outright. She felt the same way he did, but she just couldn't pick up where they left off. It wouldn't be right, and it wouldn't be what she really wanted. He hesitated, and it stopped her from pursuing the subject further.
"No. I won't lie. I haven't. But you believe the other stuff I said, don't you?" he said, and he was acting strange, almost skittish. She sighed.
"Of course. Just... let it go for now, ok? I'm just here to watch you guys. This isn't how I want things to be, but I don't want to ruin the night," she said, and turned back towards the sidewalk in front of her, not speaking again until they got there.
Adrienne was a in a good mood, to be quite honest. She was at the Gilman for one, and she walked here with Billie Joe. In a way that seemed far too good to be true, things were just as they should be, and they worked out perfectly. But Baily... He was being ridiculous. Like when he announced that this "new song" was about a girl. She smiled, and she saw Baily smile, but she couldn't help it. She knew she was getting nowhere with this, and after tonight, she was going to give Billie Joe the same ultimatum, but to just not hate him for now was ok. And to just enjoy, was the first happiness she'd tasted all summer.
My mental stability reaches its bitter end
And all my senses are coming unglued
Is there any cure for this disease someone called love
Not as long as there are girls like you
Everything she does questions my mental health
It makes me lose control
I wanna hurt myself
If anyone can hear me slap some sense into me
But you turn your head and I end up talking to myself
Anxiety has got me strung out and frustrated
So I loose my head or I bang it up against the wall...
She didn't want to be enjoying herself, but it was hard, when she knew what he was telling her. It was the same as the first song, but different. But it was just a song. A song that was half hers and half some other girl's. It wasn't right.
Sometimes I wonder if I should be left alone
And lock myself up in a padded room
I'd sit and spew my guts out to the open air
No one wants to hear a drunken fool
Everything she does questions my mental health
It makes me lose control
I just can't trust myself
If anyone can hear me slap some sense into me
But you turn your head and I end up talking to myself
Anxiety has got me strung out and frustrated
So I loose my head or I bang it up against the wall
Adie was now having trouble stomaching all this. He was toying with her. He just wanted them both, but she couldn't do this any longer.
I do not mind if this goes on
Cause now it seems I'm too far gone
She turned away from the crowd, away from Billie Joe, pouring his heart to her. She just wanted to leave and not let him in through her window again. It was too ridiculous.
I must admit I enjoy myself...
80 please keep taking me away
But she stopped. She turned around, and she smiled. She could feel eyes burning into her, eyes of Baily, of her friends, of Billie Joe's friends- but mostly, Billie Joe's. And it was like the past month had never happened. He had the guts to do it, she had to admit to herself, and she had the guts to stay.
Everything she does questions my mental health
It makes me lose control
I just can't trust myself
If anyone can hear me slap some sense into me
But you turn your head and I end up talking to myself
Anxiety has got me strung out and frustrated
So I loose my head or I bang it up against the wall
"I don't care who your girlfriend is, Billie. I'm here to ask you how you plan on doing this. How do you plan on keeping me? 'Cuz I sure as hell am not even considering continuing this at this point," and for once, Billie's attention was caught and focused fully. He might lose her.
"W... what?"
"Billie Joe, this is ridiculous, and we're just lying to ourselves saying it isn't. What if I found some other guy? How would you feel?" Adie looked at him, desperation practically pouring out of her eyes.
Billie Joe slid down the wall he had been leaning against.
"I can't explain it. I don't know what I can't let go about her, I just-"
"Well I don't know either!" she yelled. She couldn't help it. The helpless role Billie Joe was trying to play was just infuriating her. Billie Joe couldn't help but glare up at her.
"Well what about you? You've been fine with this up until some random moment when you're in a bad mood! You can't just change and expect me to know!"
"Ugh, well what did you expect, exactly, Billie? Did you picture the three of us in a lovely house down the road some day? You guys have your kids, and we have ours?" Billie Joe stood up.
"Since when are we talking about kids?! What the hell, Adie?!" Adrienne felt like smacking him.
"Ugh- you know what I mean! You're avoiding the fact that you're behaving like a selfish, immature asshole. And I'm getting the brunt of it," she said, not helping the tears that she felt overflow in her eyes.
"Like hell you are! Who do you think has to make this decision?" he said, fighting back. Adrienne turned away, shaking her head. "I care about you both so much, and I've got to hurt one of you, and I just don't even know what my own mind is thinking..." he trailed off.
"Oh, poor Billie Joe. Has to choose between two girls who are both dating him! How life must suck for you!"
"Listen, Adrienne-" Billie Joe jumped in, but she cut him off.
"Let me go ahead and reduce some of your stress- if you think you're going to go off with some other girl on tour for an entire month, while still maintaining your relationship with me- you're fucking crazy. So it's probably just easier to tell you now to go fuck yourself, and have fun on tour," she said, walking out of his room without looking back. Billie Joe didn't know if he should go after her or not, but when he heard the front door slam, he figured his mind was made up for him.
***
After the blow up, Billie Joe and Adrienne didn't try to reconcile, and they didn't even attempt to see each other. Adrienne stayed cooped up in her house and at school, trying to avoid even running into Mike or Tre. Billie Joe felt the immense pressure of guilt rising up in him, as well as another feeling he could only point out to be sadness. Even so, he didn't try to fix things. He'd come to a decision- or, rather, Adie had for him- and he felt the weight of choosing lifted from his shoulders. He knew he shouldn't feel that way, but he did. At least he had one girlfriend now, and he didn't have to sneak around behind her.
But in the last days before they headed off on tour, Billie Joe would lay in his bed at night, wanting so badly to get up and leave and climb up to Adie's window. He couldn't help it. Once he even got up, slid his shoes on, and was half way out the door before he realized that she would be peacefully sleeping without him. Not up waiting for him, and not painfully trying to pass the night away.
Which was wrong entirely.
Every night since the fight, Adrienne lay in her own bed, pitifully facing her window, in hopes to hear him scramble up and climb through to her side. But he didn't. And she knew it was foolish of her to hope he would, because she knew he was probably off with his girlfriend, not thinking of her at all.
It wasn't until a month, however, that the stubbornness got the better of both of them.
After Billie Joe, Mike, and Tre had left, Adie couldn't help but regret the lack of consideration she had showed them. Sure, Billie was a special case, but Mike and Tre hadn't done anything wrong. And she missed their friendship terribly. Even so, with Juliette gone, and her three best buds in some other state, Adie couldn't help but become an even more sheltered, lonely person. This being said, she couldn't resist counting the days until the group returned to California and played at the Gilman. Secretly, Adie would also be relieved to know that Baily would be staying behind once they left again. But would never admit this to herself.
As for Billie Joe, his epiphany wasn't an immediate thing, and it came gradually.
Gradually, he started to miss Adrienne, but he knew that from the start. He didn't like it, but he knew he couldn't let her go completely. He just didn't want to deal with that fact. But, once he was around Baily, just Baily, Billie Joe realized that he needed Adrienne. Just Adrienne. The string he still had tied to Baily wasn't quite gone, but he knew that if he had to let her go, he could. But letting 80 go was destroying him. He just fucked up so terribly...
***
As Adrienne sat in her room one evening, she ate the last melted bits of her chocolate ice cream, and flipped through a magazine. She knew what night it was. She knew that Green Day was playing their first show in over a month in town, at the Gilman no less, but she vowed not to go. Up until that day, she wanted to, and she still did, really, but she wouldn't give in. Even so, she refrained from putting on her pajamas just yet. Internally, she was still fighting. It was also a chance to see Mike and Tre after all...
Regardless of what Adie would have chosen, she never had the chance, as a familiar face showed up at her window and almost made her scream bloody murder. Without skipping a beat, she reached over to push the window open and let him in, wondering why she didn't even hesitate.
"Uh... hey," Billie Joe said, realizing that this was terribly awkward and that Adie was probably too shocked to say anything first.
"Hi, Billie," she said, quietly. She wasn't as angry as she envisioned herself being, and that comforted her. She didn't want to blow up on him. She just wanted to see him.
"So... whatcha doin?"
Adie smirked. There was no question now. She didn't need to lie to herself all night and try to convince herself not to go. She had all the reason she needed.
On the walk there, things were stiff and uncomfortable, but Billie Joe knew he had this chance to get her on his side.
"So, I wanted to talk to you about what happened..." he trailed off.
"Well, what happened?" she said, looking over at him softly.
"Adie- 80- I... I thought about you. So much. I mean, just seeing you now, it's amazing, and I'm sorry, and I just want to be with you again-"
"Did you break up with Baily?" she asked outright. She felt the same way he did, but she just couldn't pick up where they left off. It wouldn't be right, and it wouldn't be what she really wanted. He hesitated, and it stopped her from pursuing the subject further.
"No. I won't lie. I haven't. But you believe the other stuff I said, don't you?" he said, and he was acting strange, almost skittish. She sighed.
"Of course. Just... let it go for now, ok? I'm just here to watch you guys. This isn't how I want things to be, but I don't want to ruin the night," she said, and turned back towards the sidewalk in front of her, not speaking again until they got there.
Adrienne was a in a good mood, to be quite honest. She was at the Gilman for one, and she walked here with Billie Joe. In a way that seemed far too good to be true, things were just as they should be, and they worked out perfectly. But Baily... He was being ridiculous. Like when he announced that this "new song" was about a girl. She smiled, and she saw Baily smile, but she couldn't help it. She knew she was getting nowhere with this, and after tonight, she was going to give Billie Joe the same ultimatum, but to just not hate him for now was ok. And to just enjoy, was the first happiness she'd tasted all summer.
My mental stability reaches its bitter end
And all my senses are coming unglued
Is there any cure for this disease someone called love
Not as long as there are girls like you
Everything she does questions my mental health
It makes me lose control
I wanna hurt myself
If anyone can hear me slap some sense into me
But you turn your head and I end up talking to myself
Anxiety has got me strung out and frustrated
So I loose my head or I bang it up against the wall...
She didn't want to be enjoying herself, but it was hard, when she knew what he was telling her. It was the same as the first song, but different. But it was just a song. A song that was half hers and half some other girl's. It wasn't right.
Sometimes I wonder if I should be left alone
And lock myself up in a padded room
I'd sit and spew my guts out to the open air
No one wants to hear a drunken fool
Everything she does questions my mental health
It makes me lose control
I just can't trust myself
If anyone can hear me slap some sense into me
But you turn your head and I end up talking to myself
Anxiety has got me strung out and frustrated
So I loose my head or I bang it up against the wall
Adie was now having trouble stomaching all this. He was toying with her. He just wanted them both, but she couldn't do this any longer.
I do not mind if this goes on
Cause now it seems I'm too far gone
She turned away from the crowd, away from Billie Joe, pouring his heart to her. She just wanted to leave and not let him in through her window again. It was too ridiculous.
I must admit I enjoy myself...
80 please keep taking me away
But she stopped. She turned around, and she smiled. She could feel eyes burning into her, eyes of Baily, of her friends, of Billie Joe's friends- but mostly, Billie Joe's. And it was like the past month had never happened. He had the guts to do it, she had to admit to herself, and she had the guts to stay.
Everything she does questions my mental health
It makes me lose control
I just can't trust myself
If anyone can hear me slap some sense into me
But you turn your head and I end up talking to myself
Anxiety has got me strung out and frustrated
So I loose my head or I bang it up against the wall