It Seems I'm Too Far Gone

The stars were starting to appear ever so slightly through the clouds and the setting sun. The four teenagers still sat on the merry-go-round, every now and then grabbing pieces of cake, pie, jello, and other sweet treats from a paper plate in front of them. There was a little talking, a lot of nodding, and a couple of bittersweet smiles. Finally, Adrienne looked up.

“Ugh… I guess should head back. It’s getting dark,” she said, but it wasn’t in her heart.

“Yeah…” the guys around her agreed, but in the same melancholy way.

Adie got up and brushed crumbs of brownie off of herself. She stretched and once more looked at the sky.

“Hopefully it won’t rain tomorrow. I’m dreading this as it is, and rain will just make it all the more unbearable. Plus I hate the smell of wet cardboard,” she said and wrinkled her nose.

They were all just about to say goodbye for the night when Mike gave Tre a quick thud in the stomach and made a face at him, obviously trying to remind him of something.

“Wha- Oh!” Tre said, immediately turning back towards Adie with a huge grin on his face.

Adie took an instinctive step back.

“Well,” Tre cleared his throat. “Well, in honor of your successful completion of a fine institutional higher school of knowledge and education and thereof… Mike and I have decided to award you with the first official Green Day shirt,” he said and pulled a black, folded piece of material out of his inside coat pocket.

Adie’s mouth opened wide as she took it and unfolded it. She held it up in front of her and before she could even speak, Tre couldn’t contain himself.

“Do you get it? Huh? Do you?! It’s a green DAY!” he was practically bouncing as he spoke.

The black t-shirt was simply done with one word, “Day,” printed in green on the front of it. Adrienne smiled at Tre’s cleverness.

“Yes, Tre, I get it. And guys, thank you so much!” she said, before jumping to a hug with Tre, followed by one to Mike. “You really didn’t have to give me anything,” she said, playfully elbowing Billie Joe in the ribs. Apart from a fantastic, carefree day, Billie Joe had neglected to give her a graduation gift. This wasn’t actually something that bothered her in the slightest, but she knew Billie Joe didn’t like to miss opportunities to be an amazing boyfriend.

Billie Joe gave her a sideways glance and a smug grin. She smiled back, knowing he intended to give her a gift, just in a more private setting.

“Whatsa matter, Beej? Forget to get a gift?” Tre asked, not catching the glance that passed between the two of them.

“I’ll have you know I found a great gift!” Billie Joe said defensively. “I just… haven’t given it to her yet…” and he trailed off slightly.

“Oh… OOOH!” Tre shouted, his eyebrows jumping up and down. He elbowed Mike in the ribs. “Betcha I know what that’s gonna be,” he half whispered to Mike, who joined in Tre’s laughter.

“Just don’t keep her up all night, Bill. She’s gotta be up early,” Mike added, bubbling with more laughter.

Billie Joe covered his face with his hands and Adie turned her head to hide her blushing cheeks despite the smile and the small chuckle that had crept over her.

“Goodnight, guys,” Billie Joe said, putting his hand on Adie’s back to lead her away. Adie chuckled and waved goodbye to Mike and Tre. She walked down the sidewalk with Billie Joe’s arm over her shoulders and leaned into him for comfort.

“Tomorrow’s gonna suck,” she said, sighing deeply.

“Yeah…” Billie said, not really having much else to add.

“Ugh… I’m sick of feeling so sad,” Adie said, stopping suddenly. “I feel like going into social hibernation.”

“Social hibernation?” Billie asked. “What is that?”

“It’s when you just go to sleep in the social world for months. You wake up and it’s all over.”

“What’s all over?”

“This. These feelings! Everything!” she said, exasperated. Billie Joe looked at her skeptically.

“You’re making up nonsense, 80,” he said, linking his arm through hers. “I love you for it, but sometimes it scares me.”

Adie laughed and continued walking with him again.

“Hey,” she started, “so, what is my gift?” she asked coyly.

“Oh! Right!” Billie stopped and started rooting around in his pocket. “It’s not much…” he trailed off. Adie stood in anticipation. She bit her bottom lip out of excitement; in all honesty, she hadn’t quite expected a gift.

“I didn’t think to get a box for it…” he said and pulled a chain necklace out of his pocket. It was subtle, and obviously something paid for by a guy in a punk rock band, but deep inside him, Billie Joe was proud of the purchase, even if he was second guessing himself now.

“Oh, Billie. I love it,” Adie said sweetly, admiring the necklace. It was a simple silver ball-chain necklace with a crystal heart charm on it. The crystal was just one stone, shaped and smoothed into a heart and made into a charm. It was simple, non-exquisite, and cheap. And Adrienne loved every inch of it.

“Really?” Billie Joe asked, shocked.

“Yes. It’s beautiful. Put it on me!” she said, turning around and pulling her long hair up. He gently placed it over her shoulders and linked it in the back. Adie put her fingers on the charm and stood smiling at Billie. She kissed him gently, slowly, and wished for a whole day of moments like this one.

***

The next morning called for rain, but fortunately, the clouds overhead held back. However, Adie found herself wishing it would just rain anyway. The dark, foreboding sky was just as depressing, if not more. And since everyone was afraid of getting caught in the rain, the entire morning was a fast paced scramble. It barely left her any time to think. Though, maybe that wasn’t so bad.

Billie Joe had come over early that morning to help her move her things. It was the usual experience for him: Adie’s sister ignored him, Missy greeted him, Adie’s mother glared at him, and her father put him to work. At least her father liked him. It was more than he could say about anyone else in her family, as none of them offered up much conversation. Mr. Raleigh may have kept he and Billie Joe’s relationship professional for the day, as one would treat an employee, but he was at least trying to be friendly. Adie saw this too, and even though she was still on less than great terms with her parents, it softened her a bit.

Around noon they were very nearly finished, but Adrienne’s father said it would take them the rest of the night if they didn’t get some food in them. So, they all got into their cars, Adrienne with Billie Joe, and drove down the road to the familiar pizza joint. This was one of only a handful of times Billie had dined with the family, and he had never really come to enjoy the experience. Still, he wasn’t about to complain.

When everyone was full and content, the party went up to pay. As usual, Billie Joe got out his wallet, and as usual, Mr. Raleigh brushed him away. He always did so kindly, never condescendingly. He would simply smile gratefully, and put up his hand, and that would be the end of it.

When they went out to the cars Adrienne’s father lingered near her and Billie Joe while the rest of the family piled into the car.

“Adrienne, can I talk to Billie Joe for a minute,” he asked, catching them both off guard.

“Um,” Adie said, looking to Billie Joe who looked a little terrified, “Sure, I guess.”

“Thanks. You mind walking Billie?” he asked casually. It was just down the road so Billie agreed and Adie left to drive her family home.

The first couple of seconds of the walk were a very tense, silent march. Billie Joe knew there had to be a reason that Adie’s father wanted to talk to him, so he thought it best to wait and let him speak first. That, plus he had no idea what to say.

“You plan on coming to visit Adrienne very often?”

The question felt like a Catch 22 to Billie Joe- if he said yes, he might find that inappropriate, especially since he was already visiting Adrienne at her house now a lot more than her father really knew. But, if he said, no, that would just seem flat out insulting.

“Um… well, yeah, definitely. I have every intention of seeing her, Mr. Raleigh,” he gave the most dignified response he could muster.

“Please, Bill. If I’m calling you by your first name, call me by mine.”

“Ok… David,” Billie said hesitantly.

“Thank you. And I’m glad to hear it.”

“You are?!” Billie Joe asked, surprised. “I mean… you are?”

David smiled.

“Billie I know a little bit about the situation you’re in and I want you to remember that I was your age too.”

“Mrs. Raleigh’s parents didn’t like you either?” Billie Joe said, half jokingly. Mr. Raleigh laughed.

“Not at all. On the contrary, they loved me. It was my brother who had your problem.”

“Oh,” Billie Joe answered. He wondered where this was going, but he felt good about it.

“My brother was about your age, only two years older than me, and he met the love of his life. Naturally, her parents hated him and he spent the better part of their relationship, right up to their marriage defending himself and reminding himself why he was putting himself through all of it. Sound familiar?” David asked, smiling a bit at Billie Joe so he would feel more comfortable talking about this matter.

“Yeah…” Billie laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. It was a sensitive subject, but at least he made him feel a little better about talking about it. When Billie Joe looked back at him, David had looked away and his smile had faded.

“They were married seven months before they filed for divorce. He’s currently on his third.”

Billie Joe looked at the ground, suddenly frightened by the new direction that the conversation was going in.

“I’m not telling you this to scare you, Bill. And I’m not saying that my wife and I haven’t been a little hard on you. I’m telling you this because I know both sides of this scenario. I’ve been on your side, betting on the underdog, really believing in you. But I’ve also been on the other side, multiple times now, seeing how this type of thing unfolds,” he spoke without sensitivity or maliciousness- just wisdom.

“I understand,” Billie said quietly. And he did, or at least he respected what he was saying.

“But I’ve also realized that I’m on a third side now,” he said, and looked over at Billie Joe, who looked at him. “I’m Adrienne’s father and she’s my little girl. I’ve got to look past what I think you could be, and also what everyone else thinks you are. I’m looking at you like a man and I’m trying to figure out what I think of you.”

Billie Joe swallowed. This may have been the hardest conversation he had ever taken part in.

“And what do you think of me?”

David stopped and turned to face Billie Joe. The driveway where Adrienne and the rest of her family had parked minutes ago was only feet away. He looked up, smiled very genuinely, and looked back at Billie Joe.

“Honestly, I’m gonna need more time to figure that one out. I’m sorry, but that’s the best I can do for you right now,” he finished and held out his hand. Billie Joe smiled back at him, optimistic, and shook it.

“Thank you, sir. I can wait.”

***

A couple of hours later the last van was packed and Adie had put the last of her things into her sister’s car, as she would be riding to their new home with her. The idea of saying goodbye to Billie Joe got more awful and painful by the moment. At some point she decided that actually saying it couldn’t be nearly as painful as the wait up to it.

It was nearly the same, but in the end, the goodbye was more painful.

“Just call me when you get there. It won’t be any different,” Billie tried to comfort her as she cried onto his shoulder. He smoothed her hair.

“Don’t even. You know that’s a lie,” she said quietly.

“I know that,” Billie started. “But it’s just what you need to hear,” he held her out in front of him. “It’s what I need to hear too.”

Finally, they parted and Adie climbed into her sister’s passenger seat. She waved slowly back to Billie Joe, forcing a smile. He too found enough strength inside of himself to smile. It was just what they both needed…

Once the car was down the street, however, he didn’t know where or when he was going to find enough strength to ease the dull pain slowly coming to life inside of him.