The Red Hot Tamales

Todd

Dehlia and I walked out the movie, holding hands and I don't know what happened over the past week but Dehlia and I are always together. I know I'm replacing Dehlia with Copper because I am scared shitless over the fact that Copper loves me. I can't wrap my head around that. Because she could have any guy she wants but she loves me? I saw Copper leaving the same movie and my heart sank to see her with Maria. Maria, for whatever reason, hates me. And she has this way of making people think the way she does. If Copper hangs out too much with her, I may never be friends with Cop again.

What're you talking about, Todd? You're not friends with her now. Not since you ran out on her and hooked up with Dehlia.

I shook the thought from my head and placed a smile on my face. Dehlia giggled and kissed me. We've gotten too good at that, kissing, I mean. Someone behind us cleared their throat and I parted from Dell. We turned and Maria and Copper stood side by side in front of us. I glanced at Dehlia beside me who was afraid of Maria because of the rumor Maria had spread around about Dell's sister being a woman and Dehlia was his lover. She tightened her grip on my hand and I tugged her a little closer so her hip was pressed against mine.

"Hey Copper, Maria." I said slowly. Dehlia smiled weakly. Maria glared at us and Dell's smile fell away.

"Hey Todd." Copper said softly, her voice just above a whisper. I tried not to notice the plain and obvious hurt in her eyes. She's not as good of a liar as she thinks she is and it makes me think about how I'd hurt it. Did I not promise that nothing would ever hurt her?

Shit, I'm a bad friend. I'm a bad person. I wanted Copper to love me back. I got Copper loving me back. I freaked and ran. I traded my best friend, a girl who's always been there for a girl who makes me laugh and is an amazing kisser. What have I done?

“What have you been up to?” Copper asked.

“Just been busy.” I muttered. That’s always my default answer. That’s what I tell my distant grandparents and the people who don’t really care. It’s not like she wanted to know what I’d been doing. Because she was hurt about what I’d done to her. It was like I was trading my good faithful car, or in my case, my mo-ped, for a newer model.

“Yeah, so you’ve told me.” She said and I noticed that she no longer was looking me in the eye but rather my chin.

I fixed my glasses with my free hand and brushed my hair away simultaneously. She looked at me for a second before getting this puzzled look on her face.

“Did you get new glasses?” she finally asked. Oh, that’s why. My old wire frames had been so bent the glasses place couldn’t even fix them so Mom and Dad agreed to get me new ones. They’re not easily broken or bent so they’re perfect. See, Dehlia and I got a little rambunctious one night and my glasses got lost underneath us and well, poor things didn’t make it. I was terribly blind for close to three days.

“Yeah. My old ones were casualties of war.” I told her. Dehlia giggled and pushed against me a little more. She remembered just as well as I did.

“War?” Copper asked curiously.

“Yeah, Ardith and I got into a fight and we kinda stepped on them. So here’s my new eyes.” I said to her. Dehlia looked at me and I looked back.

“Oh. How is Ardith?”

“She’s good, scared about everything but good.” I said.

“Oh.”

A car honked and everyone looked out towards the street. There was this amazing car sitting next to the curb and Maria sighed.

“That’s my mom, Coop. We gotta go.” Maria headed towards the car, leaving Copper standing in front of me and Dell.

“It was good seeing you again, Todd. I kinda miss seeing you.” She said and she too headed towards the car. Dehlia looked at Copper’s receeding form and waited until the car peeled away to sigh.

“Why didn’t you tell her what really happened to your glasses?” she asked. I hadn’t told Dell about Copper’s declaration of love to me.

“She doesn’t quite like that I’m dating you.”

“Oh. So telling her that we bent your glasses by fooling around on top of them would NOT be a good idea?”

“Exactly.”

“Well, I suppose I could keep my mouth shut.”

“When exactly did you talk to Copper?”

“Cooper, never.”

“Don’t worry then, hon.” I said to her. She leaned in and I kissed her. We had to walk home and we didn’t want to so we stood, pressed against the brick wall, kissing.

“We should probably get back before your mom flips shit because she thinks we doing something bad in the alley.” I said and she giggled. I didn’t really want to go, but Dell had a curfew that was 15 minutes from then and it took 27 minutes if we walked fast. Yeah, we timed it. We were bored and there was nothing to do on Wednesday afternoon. It’s been about three weeks since Copper told me that little thing about her loving me. Yeah, THREE! I’ve never been this long without spending time with Copper. It’s odd.

“Should we run?” I asked her.

“Nah, Mom’s not home. Dad is and he’s lenient.”

“Okay, can I kiss you a little longer or do we have to leave now?”

“We should probably leave. He can sense make out breath.”

“So he’s used to it by now?” I asked her, making her laugh.

“That’s terrible, Todd! We don’t ALWAYS make out.”

“Nobody’s around, you don’t have to lie.” I joked. She turned this bright shade of scarlet and it was so adorable. I remember this one time with Copper when we were like 13 and 14 respectively. There was this guy at the mall that kept hitting on Copper at the food court and we got this bright idea to be a “couple” for like, five minutes. I kissed her cheek and she giggled.

”Don’t be so shy, Toddikins. You can do what you did last night here. I’d like that a lot.”

“But Copper, dear, we could get arrested for that.”

“Well, we didn’t last night. And we were at Lover’s Peak.”

“Yeah. I can’t believe you made that dog howl you were so loud.”

She hit my arm playfully and giggled.

“Oh, Toddikins.” She giggled again and the guy just stared, shook his head and walked away.

“That was terrible, Todd.” She was bright red and I couldn’t help but love the tint in her cheeks as she blushed.

“You started it.”

“Dogs howled? Really?”

“Lover’s Peak? That’s so damn dirty.”

“You know it!”

I took Dehlia’s hand and we started back to her house, walking at our own leisurely pace.

“It’s so pretty out tonight, Todd.” She said quietly as the nice neighborhood we were in slowly declined in luxury.

“It is, yeah. I wish we had time. I wanted to take you to this park near my house that I used to play at with Ardith when we were younger. It was so pretty in the moonlight. Mom used to take us there when she got wasted and had no where to take us. Ardy would be sleeping but I was always wide awake, just so I could look out for Ardy as she slept on the slide. “ I explained.

“Well, there’s always tomorrow night.” She said just as quietly. I stopped and turned to her. I kissed her again.

“You gotta stop doing that, Todd. Dad’s gonna be pissed if you come into the house with lip gloss on when you didn’t leave with it on, and vice versa for me.”

“What would your dad do?”

“Ground me and forbid me from seeing you.”

“Sad.”

“Yeah.”

Finally, we reached Dell’s street and I walked her down to her door. She left a quick kiss on my lips and opened the door, waving with an ear to ear smile and closing the door behind her. I walked back to the main road and headed towards me and Copper’s garden. I reached it and moved something and walked through something else. It’s all super secret. But it’s beautiful. I sat under the willow tree and just thought. This is where I go to do just that. Thinking is made so much easier when you love the place where you are. Decisions are easier made while in the sacred garden.

I miss Copper. I do. I miss her a lot. She’s easy to talk to. She gets all my inside jokes. She knows me better than I know myself. I love Copper. She’s my best friend. She’s always known me. I can trust her.

But then there’s Dehlia. Sweet, caring, amazingly beautiful, funny Dehlia. She’s my girlfriend, my first serious relationship. It’s kinda hard to see her walking towards me, smiling and think, why am I doing this when I have this best friend who loves me, you know? She kisses me whenever I see her. She holds my hand. She broke my glasses. She’s not my girlfriend for five minutes to stop a guy from hitting on her. She’s always my girlfriend.

How can I choose?

Who do I choose?

What would Jesus do?

I’m totally joking on that one, I don’t care what Jesus would do.

I closed my eyes for a second and fell asleep in the garden, dreaming of Copper. And Dehlia. And they made me make a decision between them. Dehlia was dressed in this floor length gown that was this deep purple color that stood out against her pale skin. Copper wore a little black spaghetti strap dress.

”You can’t keep stringing us both along, Todd!” Copper said to me, brushing her arm down my jacket sleeve. Why was I wearing a tux?

“She’s right. You and I or you and her. You have to decide or we’re both gone.” Dehlia said, touching my stomach lightly. Tease.

“I can’t.” I said pathetically.

“You can. You have to or we’re not gonna stick around. You NEED to choose.” Dehlia said her hand slipping under my jacket and around to the back. I stared at her and her soft honey eyes. I couldn’t look away.

“I can’t, Dell.”

“Then, I’m sorry this is the end. I can’t be your girlfriend if you can’t decide between me and Copper Ludlow. Bye sweetheart. I love you.” She kissed me and just like that, I was watching her purple dress walk away from me, hips swaying. They’re right, hips DON’T lie.

Copper stepped close to me and kissed me, her lips soft and inviting. I couldn’t stop but why would I want to? This is the woman I love, right? I’m supposed to kiss her, right? But if I’m supposed to, then why didn’t I when she first announced that little thing called love to me? Why did I go and kiss Dehlia? Do I really like Dehlia more? Is that why I went and did that? Is it because now that I can have Copper, I don’t want her?

Copper licked my upper lip and pulled me closer, my hands falling to her clothed hips, resting there gently.

“I can’t, Copper.” I pulled away and she got this murderous look in her eyes.

“YOU LOVE ME AND WHEN I TELL YOU, YOU GO AND HOOK UP WITH THAT SLUT, DEHLIA! I GIVE YOU THE CHANCE TO BE WITH ME AND YOU JUST WANT TO SAY NO! WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM, TODD OLIVER SHERMAN?” she screamed. I backed up step by step. I stopped when my back hit the wall. I didn’t want her to yell at me. Mom screams enough at home. I don’t need Copper screaming in my dreams.

“I don’t know.”

I started crying and I sat bolt up out of bed? No, not bed. Ground. I was still at the garden. I pushed myself up of the dirt and dragged my ass home. I finally got to my door and stared at the stairs, they seemed more daunting, narrow and steep than normal. Maybe that’s my exhaustion. Because my insomnia has gotten worse and worse and that nap under the willow tree was the first time I’d slept in days, possibly a week to a week and a half. I pulled myself up the stairs by the railing and fell into bed, hoping for sleep. But I only laid there, thinking about my dream. About Copper. About Dehlia.

Shit, my life sucks.