The Red Hot Tamales

I was in a nightmare. I knew I was because it was the same thing over and over again. Mike was beating the shit out of me, and I wasn't strong enough to stop him or fight back. I remember waking up at one point and hearing Todd's frantic voice over the answering machine, calling me and telling me how worried he was. Then all I remember was darkness and suddenly I was caught in this never ending nightmare. Over and over again I watched myself being thrown around, kicked, punched, and sometimes I had things thrown at me. After what seemed like hours of that nightmare, I drifted into a dream of a place so familiar, yet I couldn't think of how I knew it. Then it clicked, the willow tree.

In my dream I sat under the willow and watched the water in the pond gently move. The willow branches swayed lightly in the wind. Wild Tulips, Forget Me Nots, Iris's, Lilies, chrysanthemums, roses, and ferns grew all around. Water lilies dusted the surface of the pond. A mother duck swam proudly with her fuzzy ducklings following her in a line. Birds sang to each other, making a beautiful nature lullaby. This place was magical. Time seemed to stand still here. This is where I go when I needed to get away from everything. My escape. I sat there for hours staring at the pond, listening to the birds, absorbing the beauty all around me. I slowly forgot everything, but one memory. It played over and over, like a broken record player that plays only one part of the song over and over again.

I ran.

Thats all I did was run. I ran from the house. I ran from my mother's screams that were full of anguish. I ran from my father's blank stares and quiet sobs. I ran from all of the maids and servants and their sympathetic stares. I ran past the houses with the happy families inside settling down for dinner. I ran for what seemed hours... but it was only a short distance from my house. I ran to the only place I went to when I couldn't handle things anymore. The willow tree. Todd and I had found it when we were pretending to be pirates. We were seven. only two years ago. It was in a private area that used to have some sort of spa there, but the spa was shut down and it just sat there to rot. It was fenced in, warning that violators will be prosecuted, but being the adventurous kids that we were we had found an opening that everyone forgot about. The place seemed so magical to us then. It still does, but at least we aren't looking for fairies in it anymore. I ran to the entrance and slid the giant sign back to reveal the hole in the fence. I ran along the stoned path that has not been over run by the wild weeds. I slowed when I got to the willow and crumpled to the ground under the willow's protective branches. I cried. Actually to say that I just cried was an understatement. I cried as if I had lost a part of me, which I basically did.

My five year old sister, Valerie just died of Acute lymphoblastic leukemia. When my mother was pregnant with Val, she had constant pains from her moving and kicking. So Mother looked up names for strength and healthiness and she fell in love with the name Valerie. So when Valerie came, we expected her to be strong and very healthy. She was until she was four when she was diagnosed with Acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Then she became frail and weak. Sometimes we were afraid to let her sleep because we thought she wouldn't wake up. she went and had treatments done and for a year it seemed like everything would be alright. When suddenly, last week she fell the ground where she was standing. The leukemia was back and was worse this time. She was hospitalized immediately. They ran test and tried the treatments, but nothing seemed to work. The doctors told my parents that she had to stay in the hospital. They gave her a deadline. Two weeks, maybe three. She only made it four days. Then they called us and told us that she had just died in her sleep. There was nothing they could do.

I heard him coming. Todd. My savior. I continued to cry on the ground. I felt his arms go around me and he lifted me into his lap. My head rested on his shoulder and I sat there in his arms and cried and cried. He murmured gentle sympathetic phrases into my ears. He stroked my hair and held me while my heart broke.

I could hear him talking to me like I was right there and it was happening all over again.

"Wake up. Please wake up. Don't leave me. I love you... You're the Copper to my Todd." No... that wasn't what he said. I started to become more aware and realized I wasn't in Todd's arms anymore. I was lying on something semi-soft. There was this annoying beeping coming from somewhere to my left. I struggled up what seemed to be like waves. His voice and that annoying beeping faded in and out. But his voice never lost that desperate pleading. I finally snapped my eyes open then quickly shut them and groaned in pain at the very bright, white room.

"Copper?" I heard his voice, but couldn't quiet understand what he was saying. I slowly re-opened my eyes. I saw him sitting next to me. But he looked different from when I remembered. Older.

"Todd?" My voice came out in a hoarse whisper. He jumped up and hugged me.

"Oh, you're awake! Nurse, come quick, she is awake. Oh Copper, it's so good to see you awake." He kept looking at me, smiling.

"Who is Copper? Where am I?" I asked. Who was he talking about. Where was I? He looked at me like I lost my mind.

" Copper don't you remember?" The nurse stopped behind him, and tried to figure out what he was asking.

" Why do you keep calling me Copper, Todd? Who is Copper? Where am I?" He looked at the nurse with wide eyes. She came over and stood next to me, taking notes on a clipboard as she examined the machines.

"Sweetie, do you know who you are? Do you remember anything?" She asked me. I struggled to remember.

"I don't know who I am... I think my name is Valerie. I know Todd. He is my best friend. He is eight... though he doesn't look eight now." I peered closely at Todd, who's face turned white.

"Copper, don't you remember anything?" Todd asked me hopefully.

"It sounds like she has Dissociative amnesia. It is caused by psychological trauma and is usually temporary,and therefore may return." The nurse informed us. Todd looked at me with wide and shocked eyes.

"Well Shit" Todd said suddenly. Yup, that about sums it up.