Kristopher

He tries to tell himself that everything happens for a reason, that this little separation anxiety isn't going to last. But, who is he fooling? Not himself, not Danny, not Allison, and not even the maid service of the mansion. He runs his fingers through his hair and he isn't even sure if he's fooling Adam. Maybe all of them know what a liar he is, maybe they can see right through him and he wonders what they're thinking. He wonders what's going through in their minds while they eat together. He wonders what Allison is thinking when she stares at him for too long – longer than he likes. And while he walks through the roads of Las Angeles, he wonders if people notice him. Maybe it's his defining looks. Maybe it's his constant muttering to himself.

Was he lying to himself again or maybe this is just a crazy coincidence? He mumbles unclear words, his eyes staring at himself through the mirror attached to the bathroom cabinet. This is him and he can get through this. He doesn't need any sympathy from anyone. He can make it and he will come out of this as the fresh piece of meat from Arkansas. And upon thinking this, he drops his head and looks at his hands, who is he fooling this time? Maybe his image.

"No Kris, you're only fooling yourself."

His eyes narrow and all he can think about is the future that he knows he's bound to fail. He can imagine Katy, his beautiful and kind Katy. Her eyes disappointed and her mouth open wide. He can already predict what she would do next – turning her back on him and leaving. He can imagine his mother and although she might be supportive, she would also be disappointed. And his father – he tries not to let his mind wonder that far into the future – would definitely be upset. His lip quivers and he can't let himself cry anymore.

He doesn't even know why he auditions and then he recalls his Katy pushing his left shoulder – her smile radiating and fully developing her face. She says that he has talent and that he could make it far into the competition and he remembers himself shaking his head and denying her kind and generous compliments. He grows quite fond of such memories of his wife. He grows comfortable and finds himself sitting on the toilet. He remembers the life before this and sighs. Now it's all about image and who is better than whom. This is meant for the people who drive forward and slap reality in the face and just for laughter, he's the exact opposite of that.

He mumbles to himself again and he swears he hears a scratching at the bathroom door. His teeth clench again and his veins pop from his neck – he can't stand his roommate and for a second, he imagines himself launching at the door and attacking the man. But, like always, he keeps calm and breathes.

"Yeah … I'll be right out."

He flushes to make sure the person out there knows that he isn't just sitting in there, blaming himself. As soon as he opens the door, he sees that vermin sitting on his bed. Again, he felt like attacking him. He wants to scream and tell him to get the hell off of his bed. He feels numb and stupid as Adam looks at him. Kris hates the way Adam looks at him. Kris hates the way he makes him feel so - so stupid. And as he shifts uncomfortably, not quite sure what to do next, Adam pats the bed.

"I won't bite." The gleam of his eye and the upward motion in the corner of Adam's mouth makes Kris frown. However much hate he feels towards the twenty six year old, he takes a seat next to him. This is what Kris deserves.

"You okay? You seem a little off."

Kris doesn't understand why he cares so much. He wrinkles his forehead and stares at the man with the blue streak in his hair. And for a minute, Kris doesn't know what he's talking about. The boy just sits there and stares like an idiot as Adam falters a little bit.

"Hey man, are ya there?"

Of course Kris is there and he makes this known by abruptly standing up and saying he's fine, quickly adding a 'thanks' at the end for good measure. He doesn't mean to be cold – he doesn't even know until Adam suddenly looks hurt and confused. Kris wants to apologize and talk to him, but he stops himself – Adam doesn't deserve that much kindness from him. Kris looks away and walks out of the room. He almost feels bad.

Adam doesn't deserve his kindness.