Kristopher

Week after week, month after month, Kris ends up beating himself over the head in their shared bathroom. He doesn't know why and he doesn't care, but the feelings of discomfort and spite, he can't help but to criticize himself every now and then.

But now, now he doesn't know what to do.

Lambert boy walks in and hugs him when he forgets to lock the bathroom door.

Kris is embarrassed and he's shocked and he doesn't know what to do next.

“It's going to be okay.” He wants to push Adam away from him and tell him to go away. He wants to tell Adam to finally leave him alone and get out of his business.

Kris used to think that hugs meant feelings of security and comfort; now he just feels irritated and hateful. He wants to quit and go back to his Katy. He tries think about her - her blonde hair, her blue eyes, her smile, her white teeth, her laugh, her figure, her hands, her blush.

“I'm right here, okay? I'm not going anywhere.”

Kris feels as if there's a secret double meaning to what Adam says. And he shift uncomfortably inside Adam's arms, not sure what to feel.

“A-alright ...”

He mentally kicks himself in the bum, what the hell did that word mean? He can't wrap his mind around the concept of Adam's arms secured around his boyish body. He can't deny that he feels a little better, but when Adam lets go and sniffles, Kris is rudely re-awakened and reality hits him in the gut - hard.

“Just leave me alone. I'm fine.” Kris can't hear any emotion to what he says. He doesn't feel anything but the awkwardness starting to slink up his leg, to his shoulder, and wrap around his neck.

“Oh ... alright then,” Kris can sense hurt and even a tint of shyness in Adam's voice as it cracks. He watches the blue eyed man take a deep - perhaps shaky?- breath, “alright then. I'll see you later.”

Was that a fake smile? Kris doesn't know and he's not even sure he cares anymore. He's not sure if he cares about anything anymore, except Katy of course, he'll never forget about Katy.

---

He seems to be thinking of Lambert all the time now. And when practicing starts, Kris can't seem to focus - he's too busy thinking of that man.

And when the boys in the background band look at him, eying him up and down as if to say 'what the hell is up your ass boy? Get to work.' Of course he's going to feel like crap. Practicing doesn't come easily for him that night and he wanders if he's going to stay in the competition. He doesn't doubt that Simon will be all over him about his 'buss boy' posture and his attitude, but Kris doesn't care what he thinks.

Focus, Katy will be wanting you to focus.

That's what he does for the rest of the practice meet - breathing in and out, not focusing on one thing for too long, trying not to think of his previous predicament with Lambert. And when he focuses on his breathing and his tone, he pushes bad thoughts out of his head and welcomes the peaceful piano in.

Yet, after practice, he's unable to focus on anything and he's brought right back down from his cloud and lands on his head. The flutters break their way through his stomach lining and into his core. He frowns, this will obviously be one hell of a night.

---

I'm alone. Is the first thought that pops into his head after the show.

The three boys - Gokey, Lambert, and himself - walk with a haze in front of their eyes. And when they get to their room, they collapse on their beds and breathe. That's all that they can do now, just breathe and pray for the best, or at least, that's what Kris is doing.

It's not long before Gokey speaks up and clears his throat and now he's straining his throat to talk, “I should get my stuff. I'll be back.” And just like that, Batman and Boy-wonder are left alone.

“Crazy, huh?”

Kris wants to ignore the comment, but when Lambert's voice cracks, he can't simply turn a shoulder.

More than a crazy night, He wants to say, wanting to say anything to break the foggy atmosphere, but he can't. No, he can't, not now. His chest hurts along with his stomach and all the apprehensive thoughts about the mornings occurrence were gone. His throat feels dry, his eyes feel wet and he can barely feel his lip begin to tremble. So, this is how it is then.

“Yeah, something like that.”

He doesn't know what to say and he feels awkward when Lambert continues to stare at him, his eyeliner looking a little smudged and his hair deflating, I wonder if he's going to do something about that.

“Yeah ...”