What It Took

I walked up to my guest room and got dressed in something comfortable and walked out to the back. I sat on the edge of the pool and placed my feet in the heated water and lit up a cigarette.

For some reason my eyes were drawn to that damn pool house and I kept looking through the blind-less windows hoping he would catch my sight. He was standing in the pool house talking on his phone and waving his hands in the air. He always used his hands when he was in an argument conversation.

I noticed I was watching and threw his phone on the bed and walked outside to light up a cigarette. When he went to light his cigarette, there was one thing preventing him of lighting up one. He walked over to me but then decided to walk towards the house.

"Wait, Zack, I have a lighter if you need one." I said waving it in the dark air.

"Uh, I can use one from the house..." He said nervously.

I quickly got up and lit his cigarette for him before he could walk through the door. He nodded his head as to say 'thanks' and then turned in the direction of the pool house.

"Zack, can we talk?"

"I thought you didn't want to, Mel." He replied.

I walked into the pool house and waited for him to walk in after me. He walked in very slowly and shut the door quietly behind him.

"So, how have you been?" He asked in a mumble as he sat in the furthest chair away from me.

"Sit closer." I said.

"No." He said, while he shook his head.

"Okay, well I've been drunk, depressed, and now better and pissed at Matt for bringing me here...How about you? How have you been, Zack?"

He looked down as if almost to avoid the question.

"How do you think I've been, Mel? Honestly."

"Well you must be okay with the Ashley girl." I said standoffish.

"You fucking broke my heart, Mel. You tore it completely apart. I still haven't gotten over it and I never fucking will. Frankly, I'm scared shit-less to even be in this room with you."

"I was fucking scared, Zack! I was scared of the relationship, I was scared of you dying, I was drained and then you had the nerve to ask me to marry you? How the hell did you think I was going to fucking react?"

"I fucking thought you were going to be there. I thought you would say yes and I love you. I fucking thought your love for me was real. You don't fucking give up on someone you supposedly love. I've had to fucking deal with the fact that I wasn't good enough for you. Do you know how fucking low my self esteem is now because of you? Ashley is shit. She means nothing. I just don't want to be alone forever like you. You were fucking scared, Mel? You were scared? How do you think I fucking feel? I was making the biggest decision of my life and I was lucky I still had one. I wanted to fucking spend every god forsaken second with you. I wanted you to be my wife and the mother of my kids. But you fucking killed me. I wish I would've died that night in the hospital. Fucking death would've saved me heartbreak. And for once in your fucking life, get over yourself. You fucking make me sick to my damn stomach. I get fucking sick when I think about you. Now fucking get out and leave me alone." He yelled.

The hurt and emotion in his voice made me want to break down in tears immediately. I walked over to him to try to calm him down like I use to when we were teenagers.

"Please, leave." He said turning his back.

I reluctantly did as he wished and walked out the pool house and back into Matt's home. When I got into my guest room, I just completely gave in and cried. I hadn't cried that much since the night we took him to the hospital.

The next morning I woke up due to a knock on my door. Matt walked over to the bed and moved some hair out of my face.

"We're all going out on the boat today. Come with us." He begged with his dimples sinking in more than usual.

"I can't if Zack will be there."

"Well, you're old enough for your wants not to hurt you. Now get up and dressed."

He walked out of the room and shut the door politely.

I got dressed and walked miserably down to the rental can and sat in the seat furthest away from Zack. We were about to drive off until a pale little arm went waving outside of Zack's window.

"Hey, man can you hold on for a second. Ashley's got to get on." Zack said with a tone of annoyance.

Ashley hopped on the van and cuddled into Zack arms. His whole body looked tense and he knew I was watching him.

I was not excited for this boat day.