What It Took

I wore sunglasses because I knew I was bound to cry any second. She held on to him just like I had. She loved him but I loved him more.

Matt finally pulled up to park and I was the first person to get out the car. I walked off to an area by myself and just couldn't hold back tears. I know I sounded emotional...but that's only because I was deathly emotional.

Everyone was out of the car and stretching there legs. I glanced over and noticed Ashley lean up to kiss Zack. I felt sick even more. This was torture.

Lola noticed my antisocialness and ran over to bring me to the group. By then everyone had moved on to the boat. I hopped on and took off my clothes, revealing my black bikini. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Zack's eyes glued to me and he was obvious about it.

I walked over to Matt, who happened to be steering the small boat.

"Is there like a lower deck where I can lay down at?"

Matt looked at me with sympathy in his eyes and pointed down towards the steps.

I walked down the steps knowing that I was going to stay in that cabin for the whole day. Zack was killing me but I felt like I was being selfish with my emotions. I was down there for maybe an hour, when I heard a knock and the the door crack open.

"Hey, I was just checking on you...Is everything okay?" Ashley whispered.

I hid my face under a pillow and waved my hand in the air for her to leave me be.

"Okay, I know you don't like me for some reason but you don't have to be so rude. I'm a really nice person..." She pleaded to me like I'd actually care.

I heard more footsteps coming down the stairs. A familiar footstep.

"Hun, Go back upstairs...I'll handle this."

"Okay babe, I love you!" Ashley replied.

"Alright." Zack said as he walked in and shut the door behind him.

I keep the pillow tight over my face. It was my only defense.

"Take the pillow off....Please."

"NO!" I shouted as I tried to cover up my voice so he wouldn't know I was crying.

"Mel, goddamn it you aren't helping this any!"

His voice was to persuasive so I let my guard down. It was the least I could do for him.

"I just wanted to come down here and say goodbye to you. It's to painful to be around you...It just hurts to much." He said with a melancholy tone in his voice.

"When will I see you again?"

"When I'm not scared anymore."

He moved towards me to kiss my forehead but then just stood up and left right away instead.

I never knew true depression till I saw the look in his eyes.

***********
The boat trip was over and I was arriving back to my brother's house. Since Ashley was the new me, Lola and I weren't as close anymore. It was like I was nonexistent to my own best fucking friend.

I sat outside by the pool and saw the light on in the pool house. I walked in and saw that Zack's stuff was still there and decided to fold everything for him. I needed to begin to pick up the pieces again. For my sake and especially his.

I heard the door knob turn and I felt a wave of panic slither through my body. Zack walked in and just stood there looking at me. Blank.

"I'm so sorry....I'll leave."

I saw a small, tiny grin on his face.

"What?" I asked.

"It reminds me of...Well, when you use to fold my clothes because I'd just throw them in my drawers."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be touching your stuff..." I said as I fiddled with my hands, nervously.

"Don't be" He then cleared his voice and continued, "Mel, Do you hate me?"

"No! How coul- How could I ever? You're all I think about! I dream about you, Zack."

"Mel, why'd you leave me like that?"

"I was scared to death of something happening to you....I was scared that you would get sick again and be in the hospital. I was scared you could die on me."

"We need to talk, okay. No excuses, no bullshit, no interruptions. We need to talk."

Zack walked back towards the door and locked it.