I Know You Are More Than Perfect

Once again, I ran my fingers over the ink permanently embedded in my skin. Katy Louise - Für immer, ich bin hier. I could feel my brother's concerned eyes trained on me. It had been a little over a year since we'd been told the news of Katy's death, but the pain had yet to begin to fade. Each day, my heart broke that much more - if it were possible - just knowing I'd never see her tropical blue eyes, feel her hand in mine, hear her laughing at some silly joke one of the Erins had texted her. I'd never get the chance to taste her kisses or smell the aroma of her baking with my mother. I never thought I would miss the little things - such as the way her voice would get high and fast when she was excited, the way her eyes would sparkle when she was happy, the way she would cuddle with me as we laid in bed at night talking until the sun came up over the horizon - but it was the little things I missed the most. I missed how she trusted me with her deepest secrets, fears, and dreams. I thought I would never lose her, but lose her, I did. . . Georg cleared his throat from the booth in the kitchen area.

"Tom, are you sure you're ready to do interviews? They're liable to ask about Katy."

"Yes, I'm ready. It's time I get back to doing normal band stuff."

"If you can't do it, Tomi, let me know," whispered Bill. "I don't want this to be painful."

"Haven't you realised that this has all been painful? There's nothing, nothing, that can take the pain away."

I stood, shook my head, and headed to the back. My cell phone beeped three times; I flipped it open to see I had a new text.

Fr: AnalErin(:
hey, tom. (: how're you doing babe??

like shit. not good. horrible. whatever you want to call this overwhelming feeling of being sucked into a dark lonely frozen abyss, i'm feeling it.

Fr: AnalErin(:
awwwww, babe. i'm so sorry. but you're not the only one who feels that way. i miss katy so much. it's tearing me apart inside ):

same here. i was in love with her. she meant the world to me. why her?!?! why not someone else?!?!

Fr: AnalErin(:
i don't know babe. but she didn't deserve this. . .

why didn't you and hershey tell someone!?

Fr: AnalErin(:
WE DID!!! trust me, tom. we told the police, even called cps. no one listened to us! please believe me. we, our parents, even her NEIGHBOURS, called for help.

i believe you. i just...i want her back

Fr: AnalErin(:
so do i. it doesn't feel like its been a year, two months, and four days...

no it doesn't...well, we have an interview. i'll talk to you later.

Without waiting for a reply, I shut my phone off and followed my bandmates off the bus. Bill stayed near me but far enough away so I didn't feel smothered. Since Katy's death, I took more time to be by myself. Georg gave me a sympathetic glance and held open the building door. Hopefully, there were no questions about Katy. I wasn't ready to talk about her to the entire world.