I Know You Are More Than Perfect

I brushed a tear from my cheek and sat on the hotel bed. The first interview I'd sat through the entire thing had gone by smoothly. The guy had looked as if he'd wanted to question my tattoo, but he had refrained; whether it was because I was close to tears, or because Bill shook his head when the man had opened his mouth after seeing Katy's name, or both, I wasn't sure. I was just grateful he hadn't mentioned her. A timid knock at the door interrupted my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"It's Gustav."

I opened the door and let him in. He sat on the end of the mattress; I laid down.

"I know what you're feeling."

"Do you?"

"Yes. Lonely, like your whole world has been ripped away from you. Like there's nothing left to live for. You're depressed, in a pit of absolute despair and you'll never climb back out. But you're also hoping subconsciously this has been one long, dreadful, horrible nightmare that you'll wake up from soon, and she'll be there, telling you it wasn't real and you'll never be without her."

"How did you know?"

"What I'm about to tell you, I've never told anyone. My own family barely even knows the details. So. . . please. . . keep it between us, okay?"

"Of course."

"I had a friend, Austine, who knew me better than I knew myself. Every secret I tried to keep, she'd find out; I eventually just stopped trying to hide things from her. She meant everything to me. My family thought she was only a friend, but. . ." He chuckled darkly. "To be honest, she was the one I saw me spending th rest of my life with, the only one I trusted my heart with. I even lost my virginity to her. That's how much I loved her. We'd spend every possible moment together, be it sleeping or awake. I couldn't see us apart. Neither could she, or so she said. I'll never be able to know what might've been. Every summer - you remember how my parents used to take me and my sister out of town for vacation? Well, we were allowed to bring one friend each. I'd choose to bring the guy she was dating; she would take Austine. That way, we both won. Aust and I would stay up all night, talking and enjoying each other's company. She'd go back to the room she shared with Victoria before my parents woke up. Those summers were the best times of my life, even better than touring. I may only be saying that because of what I know now, but I mean it. Yeah, I love touring and seeing the world, but I loved - and still love - Austine much more. She made me who I am. We may have only been young teenagers, barely that, to be honest, but God damn it, she's irreplaceable.

"One night, after a particularly horrible thunderstorm, she was driving to my house - she had just gotten her license a week before. I never did find out what she was upset about. She hit a patch of a few-inch-deep water and hydroplaned. Her car slid across the yellow line, but, thankfully, she corrected before she hit a tree. She was a few houses down when a drunk driver crossed those same yellow lines and hit her dead-on. The emergency responders say she died on impact. Not only did she die, but so did my soul. And . . . so did our unborn baby."