I Know You Are More Than Perfect

"Gustav. . .I-I never knew."

"No one did."

"You were going to be a father?"

"Yes."

His voice broke, and suddenly, he did something I never thought I'd see him do: He broke down sobbing. I sat there, stunned and at a loss of what to say or do, until I remembered something my mother used to do to Bill and me after she and our father divorced. I wrapped my arms around Gustav and held him. Neither of us said anything; what was there to be said? He slowly calmed down, and I released him. We sat in silence until he got up and disappeared into the bathroom. When he came back out, I realised he'd splashed his face with water to rid it of any evidence that he had been crying.

"Tomi, please keep this a secret. I'll tell people when I'm ready."

"Of course. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me."

"To be honest, I had no other choice."

"What do you mean?"

"I had to let you know that life does go on. The despair and anguish will fade. You won't forget her, but it'll be easier to get through your days. I promise."

"When?"

"I can't tell you that. Different people heal at different paces. Just remember: if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."

"Thank you, Gussi."

"Don't call me that," he laughed. "But you're welcome, Tom. Try to get some sleep, okay?"

My best friend exited the hotel room, and I stared out the window. Cars passed by six floors below. Gustav's words ran in my ears. Life does go on. . . It'll be easier to get through your days. . .

"Tom? Tom, please wake up. Come on, silly. Your mom made us pancakes!"

"Katy?"

"Duh. Unless you expected some other girl?"

"Never."

I rolled over in bed and saw Katy's wide smile as she knelt on the bed next to me. Her beautiful ocean-blue eyes pulled me into their hypnotic embrace. She shook me again.

"Come on, Tomi. Get up."

As I laid there, staring at her pale face, it dissolved into the face of another girl, one completely unfamiliar to me. Yet I felt I knew her. A gash ran across her tan forehead, and a bruise covered the left side of her face. Her large brown eyes were wide with fear.

"Gussi? Gustav, where are you? Oh, my God, please find me."

"Austine?"

"Where's Gustav? I have to find Gustav!"

"Calm down. Want me to tell him something for you?"

"Would you really? Oh, thank you! Tell him I don't have much time left, but I need him to save our baby. Please! You have to do this for me. Tell him!"

"I will!"

"Swear it! I need our baby to live."

Austine grabbed me by my shoulders, digging her nails into my flesh. She had begun crying by then; her eyes pleaded with me.

"I'll tell him; I swear it, Austine."

"Tom!"

I woke up with a start to see Bill standing over the bed. He pushed a dreadlock from my face and sat down.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked shakily.

"Who's Austine?"

"What?"

"Who is Austine? You said 'Austine' right before I woke you up."

"Um, it's no one."

"Okay, well, come on. Photo shoot first, then an interview."

Even though Bill had let the subject drop, I could tell he didn't believe me. Gustav and Georg met us on the bus. I immediately went to my bunk and closed the curtains. I could still see Katy's face painted on the back of my eyelids. Too bad it was only a dream. . .