How to Make a Human

It was the moment I had been waiting for all week. I had made it through my first week of school with no permanent harm, enemies, or loss of limb. Not to mention I had plans to hang out with my friends this weekend. I considered it all to be a huge success.

When Saturday came around I sprung excitedly on the phone every time it rang. At 9:00AM in the morning a loud ring pierced through my boredom.

"Hello?" I answered excitedly.

"Bobbie?" a voice crackled through the other side.

"Ben?" I squealed.

"Bobbie!" he responded loudly. I could hear groups of people talking in the background so I assumed he was somewhere public.

"Listen, Bobbie-Boo. My phone is barely getting reception here and I'm probably going to lose you in a little bit, but tell Oma I'll see you guys sometime this evening."

"Okay, I'll tell her. Where are you now?" I asked.

"Bobbie? Bobbie? Shit… this damn phone is such a pain in my ass. Bobbie?! Damn it all to--"

The line went dead and I sighed grumpily and threw my self on the couch., turning on the TV and resigning myself to another lazy Saturday.

Three glasses of milk and two Spongebob episodes later the phone rang again. I ignored it as I slouched comfortably into the large couch cushions. I heard Mae answer the phone behind me.

"Hello?" she droned, her tone loaded with boredom and sass.

"Olive? I'm sorry I think you have the wrong number."

My head snapped up and I shook my head frantically to Mae. "It's for me!" I whispered as loudly as possible.

She pulled the phone away from her mouth and whispered, "You told everyone your name was Olive?"

"No, no, no. Just give me the phone," I responded trying to grab the phone, by swinging my arms around since I didn't want to get off the couch.

"Oh, you want to talk to Bobbie?" she asked, looking over at me and raising her eyebrows. I swung myself over the top of the couch and landed painfully on my stomach, but I ignored the sting and scrambled to the phone, snatching the phone and pressing it frantically to my ear.

"Hello?" I gasped, slightly out of breath, be it from excitement or my frantic movement.

"Olive!" I heard Shane's voice scream.

"Shane?" I responded, trying to sound nonchalant and cool.

"Olive! Olive-ooo! How's it crackin'?"

"It's fine," I answered, even though it was pointless. Shane was shouting nonsense over the phone and my response was lost in his babblings.

"Jesus, Shane, just give me the phone," an irritated Demetri growled. "Hi Bobbie. It's Demetri. Do you still want to hang out today?"

I stopped myself before I answered to quickly and answered smoothly, "I guess so."

"Swell. Bring at least ten bucks and we'll pick you up in twenty minutes. Where do you live?"

"1406 Walnut Street."

"We'll see you soon." he responded quickly and then immediately hung up the phone. I heard Shane shouting loudly in the background, before his shouting was abruptly cut off. I stared blankly at the phone before I shoved it in the receiver and rushed to my bedroom so I could get dressed.

I began tearing through my closet, looking for something, anything, to wear. Within minutes Mae was leaning against my doorway with her arms crossed.

"Where's the fire?" she drawled sarcastically.

"I don't know what to wear!" I cried. "I've never seen Shane or Demetri out of their school uniforms! What would they wear?!"

"Why does it matter what they would wear? You're the one getting dressed, not them. Don't dress to please them." She shrugged matter-of-factly and shuffled over to my closet.

"Why don't you wear these?" she asked, picking up a pair of skinny jeans from my closet floor. "These are the jeans mom sent you, right?"

"Yeah…" I responded half-heartedly, taking the jeans from her and looking at them. "Do you think I'll look… corny?"

"No. They're fine. With these you'll look casual yet funky. Just wear it with a top that you feel comfortable in."

I raised my eyebrows at her. She shrugged nonchalantly, "I was watching What Not to Wear.”

"Oh, alright. I'll take your word for it."

"Good plan," she rolled her eyes. And then she was gone, probably downstairs watching fashion channel and being exponentially cooler then me. I put on the skinny jeans and threw on a loose, blue shirt with the power rangers printed on the front, and a pair of tattered sneakers covered my feet.

I began glomming mascara onto my eyelashes when I heard the doorbell ring. I finished and quickly ran downstairs. Mae was looking bored as Shane was chatting enthusiastically about something and Demetri was looking critically at the family pictures on the wall.

"Hi!" I squealed, cutting off Shane who was clearly making Mae feel uncomfortable. Mae turned around to face me and sighed, exaggeratedly rolling her eyes.

"That's what you're wearing?"

"Um… yes?" Even to me it sounded more like a question.

"You're an idiot," she mumbled, nodding to Demetri and glancing oddly at Shane before shuffling off.

"Nice to meet you Mae Beth!" Shane sang happily, waving enthusiastically. Shane's jeans were slightly too big and had numerous frayed holes, he had a plain green t-shirt with the word "AWESOME" printed in bold, white letters, and despite the warm weather he had his signature hat covering his red hair.

Demetri, on the other hand, was wearing a pair of faded, worn, fitted jeans. The back pocket had a clear print of a square where his wallet had left a mark. He had a loose, grey v-neck t-shirt with a whole near the bottom hem, he had a hemp necklace, rundown converse, and he looked so casual cool I could just cry. Why wasn't I that fashionable? Why didn't I own converse shoes? Everyone owns a pair converse shoes!

"Olive!" Shane greeted loudly.

"Hi, Shane," I smiled. I nodded to Demetri and he reciprocated the action. Things were still awkward between us. There was an icy mist that hung over us when we were together for too long. Every time I agreed with Shane or just went along with him because I needed a friend, Demetri was there to roll his eyes or throw in some snide remark. I was the new kid and I was butting in on his friendship. He made it clear he didn't like the way I was so desperate for a friend, but I dare him to try one day as the new kid in a private school. At this point I enjoyed Shane's company too much to care if I was interrupting Demetri's ideal bro-mance.

"I'll be right back, I need to tell my Opa I'm leaving," I told them, going through the kitchen and to the garage where Opa was puttering around and tinkering with the computer.

"Hi Opa," I greeted. Opa jumped slightly and whirled around to face me.

"Oh, Bobbie, it's just you."

"Just me," I repeated, "I'm going out now."

"Alright, alright, no need to make a scene," Opa waved me away and continued tinkering. "Be back by ten."

I rolled my eyes and bid him farewell. When I came back into the room Shane was nodding his head in agreement to whatever Demetri was mumbling in his ear. As I entered they stopped talking and Shane threw his arm over my shoulder, guiding me outside.

"Bobbie, have I told you how much I love your shirt?" he asked, steering me to Demetri's car.

"No, but thanks, I guess," I replied uncertainly. Take that, Mae.

"Go, go Power Rangers!" he shouted before breaking into a terrible air guitar solo. He paused and flung the front door open, yelling, "SHOTGUN!"

"Shane," Demetri said warningly, sending him a look.

"Fine," Shane groaned, taking a seat in the back.

"Bob, shotgun's yours," Demetri told me, taking his seat as the driver. Demetri called me Bob again. How do you tell someone you don't like your designated nickname? I'm not some forty year old business man.

"Where are we going?" I asked, also taking my seat.

Demetri pulled out of my driveway and Shane stuck his face between the two front seats.

"Charlie's!" he said brightly.

"Charlie's?"

"It's an amusement park," Demetri explained, taking one hand off of the steering wheel and shoving Shane's head into the backseat.

"Oh," I paused, "Awesome."

"You don't sound like you think it's awesome!" Shane accused. He was right. I didn't think it was awesome, because I was terrified of rollercoasters along with a whole flurry of other rides.

"Are you kidding? I so think it's awesome!" Liar, liar, liar. Demetri shook his head and smiled slightly. I learned in the last week that both Shane and Demetri could read my mind. While Shane would loudly point out I was lying and then drop it, Demetri would just sort of laugh behind his hand. The douche.

"Whuteva," Shane sassed, throwing his hands up and slouching into the seat. When we arrived at Charlie's after a long and awkward drive the first thing I saw was the huge rollercoaster, soaring over the brightly lit "Charlie's" sign. As I stepped out of the car and closed the door I could hear the people screaming from the metal deathtrap they called a ride.

"Wow," I mumbled as Demetri walked around the car and stood by my side, "that's a big rollercoaster."

"Don't worry about it," he said, placing his hands in his pockets and slouching off towards the entrance. Shane bounded up behind me and lifted me up, throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me like a sack of potatoes as he raced off to catch up with Demetri.

-

The thick and humid air was heavy with the sound of shouts of laughter as we waited in line for tickets to Charlie's. I shuffled nervously in place, switching from foot to foot. Next to me Shane was bouncing on his toes, trying to see over the gate to all the rides on the other side. Demetri was…. Looking bored, as usual. Did he even enjoy being here?

Once again the rollercoaster rushed by overhead, and I looked skeptically at the metal tracks. How sturdy were those things anyway? Was I supposed to believe that some flimsy metal rods would hold a large chunky cart from a fiery explosion? Hell no. I wasn't buying it.

Demetri subtly leaned towards me, mumbling into my ear, "At least try and hide your nerves. Shane's getting antsy."

Shane who was hopping excitedly on his toes, but casting me suspicious looks when he thought I wasn't looking. When Shane glanced at me again I raised my eyebrows and smiled awkwardly, that way he knew I was aware that he was looking at me.

I shuffled toward Demetri. "What's he doing?" I mumbled.

"Dunno. Trying to gauge your reaction towards the rollercoaster or something," Demetri answered, staring absentmindedly at the metal deathtrap.

"Oh. That's weird. Why would he do that?" I asked, feigning casualness.

"Are you kidding, Bobbie?" Demetri scoffed, "You're probably the least discreet girl I know."

"Um. What?"

"He knows you don't like rollercoasters. He's just making sure you don't, I dunno, pass out or something."

"Pfft, I'm not afraid of rollercoasters," I lied lamely. Demetri rolled his eyes but didn't respond. Oh, I was getting so sick of that! We were finally at the front of the line so we quickly paid the bored looking teen and rushed into the park.

"Oh my golly gosh!" Shane screeched loudly. Demetri gave him a weird look. "Which ride will we go on first?"

"Oh, how about that Ferris wheel?" I suggested, pointing to the kiddy ride.

"How about the rollercoaster?" Demetri smirked, crossing his arms.

"I vote rollercoaster!" Shane yelled before bounding off to save us a place in line.

Demetri snorted at Shane and glanced at me to see if I thought it was funny. I clearly didn't, and it showed in the way I crossed my arms and glared at him.

"Why would you do that?" I spat, losing my temper, before storming after Shane. I knew I was going to end up going on a the damn rollercoaster anyway, but couldn't I prolong it? Even a little bit? Why did dumb, old Demetri have to ruin that for me?

"C'mon, Bobbie, it's not a big deal," Demetri said, grabbing my arm and stopping me in my tracks. I wanted to be cool. I wanted to cross my arms and look at my nails absentmindedly as he talked. I wanted to flip him off and strut off like it wasn't a big deal. Unfortunately, I will never be that smooth.

"I just-- gah! I hate rollercoasters!" I whined, throwing my hands in the air exasperatedly.

"Why don't you just tell Shane that?"

"Because, well, I don't know. I guess I just don't want to be the party pooper."

"…So even though you're terrified you're going to go anyway because you don't want to be a 'party pooper'?"

"Not like it's any different from what you're doing," I mumbled under my breath. I wasn't brave or mature enough to come out and say it straight, so I would opt for the petty action: bitterly mumbling things under my breath.

"What?"

"Nothing," I immediately responded.

"No, seriously, what did you say?"

"Nothing," I insisted.

"No, you said 'not like it's any different from what you're doing'. What's that supposed to mean?"

"If you heard what I said why would you ask me?" Brilliant subject change.

"Don't change the subject." Damn. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do you even like amusement parks?" I asked, answering his question with one of my own.

"I don't not like them," he shrugged.

"Oh. Okay. What about having your car randomly stolen and then returned four times a month? How do you feel about that?"

"Well I'm not a fan, but--"

"Ha!"

"What?"

"Haha! How is what you're doing any different from what I'm doing?" I accused wildly.

"It's completely--"

"The same!" I cut him off.

"Don't write me off as some sellout who would do anything to get a friend while you follow Shane around and act aloof about everything we do! I pretend to not be scared and you pretend to not care!" I probably looked like the moodiest girl on the planet. I went from being shy and uncomfortable to angry and confident within a span of three seconds.

"I didn't say--"

"Didn't say it? Well stop implying it. You're all-knowing smirks are getting old." I turned on my heel and stomped off like a child with my nose in the air. Demetri was immediately on my heels.

"What we’re both doing is nothing alike. You and I are nothing alike," he all but spat as he grabbed my arm and stopped me in my tracks.

"How so?"

"You're following around Shane on all his crazy escapades simply in hopes that he'll sweep you off your feet and, wowie, could it be? Could we be bestest friends forever-est? Really?" It was weird seeing Demetri acting like a normal teenager, stooping to my level and throwing petty insults. Never in a million years would I be able to imagine Demetri getting angry. In a situation like this I just imagined him rolling his eyes and saying something like, "You'll understand eventually."

"And you're either pretending to be aloof although you're having a great time, or you're really a boring bastard who hates this and just follows Shane around because you have nothing better to do. Either way, if you think about it, you're just as desperate for a friend as I am."

And cue dramatic storm off. This time I wasn't interrupted by Demetri, not that he didn't try or anything. When I finally caught up to Shane he was already in line and bouncing on his toes excitedly.

"What happened to you guys?" Shane asked, barely glancing at us, his eyes being too busy with the rollercoaster. I crossed my arms moodily and pouted. Shane stopped bouncing and gave Demetri a look. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Demetri glaring at me expectantly, waiting for me to give some sort of response, but I pretended to be preoccupied with my stubby fingernails.

"Nothing," Demetri finally stated after a minute, his eyes prying away from my head to look at Shane, "Nothing happened."

Shane cocked his head to the side curiously at Demetri. I assume he would have given me the same look, had I not been sulking like a grounded thirteen-year-old.

"Bobbie? You okay?" Shane asked. Demetri rolled his eyes (and I swear to god I heard him mumble, "Shane to the rescue.") and Shane elbowed him in the head.

"Yeah, I'm fine." There was a pause. I looked at Demetri and then gave him an arrogant smirk. "Do you know that I hate rollercoasters?"

"What?" Shane asked, slightly taken aback. He wasn't surprised that I was afraid of rollercoasters, he was surprised that I was telling him

"Absolutely terrified of them," I confirmed. "That's it. If we're gonna be hanging out, I think it's fair that you know the truth."

"O…kay. So do you not want to ride it?"

"I'm willing to give it a shot," I mumbled feebly. And then my sudden burst of confidence was gone. Poof. I had a slight adrenaline rush from telling off Demetri and I felt like I was ready to take over the world, but when I realized I told Shane I was willing to ride the rollercoaster multiple realities sunk in.

1. I bottle things up. Why else would I explode at Demetri? It's pent up aggression, I tell you.

2. I told off Demetri. I told off Demetri! Why the hell would I do that? Smug as he may be, he's still helped me off a lot this week. Why couldn't I just be more grateful?

3. I wish we didn't move. I really do. Just give me a friendless senior year. At least I'll live comfortably lonely.

4. I have to go on a roller coaster. Shit.

"Alright! Let's do this!" Shane shouted joyously, hugging my head as he so often does and jumping up and down.

While having my head practically torn off by Shane I caught a glimpse of Demetri.

And he did not look happy.