How to Make a Human

After a day of trying out rides that I would never enjoy and eating about eight times more cotton candy then what can actually fit in my stomach, I found myself sitting in the backseat of Demetri's car while Shane reenacted every single embarrassing detail that had happened on the rides.

"I still think the best part was when you hit Banderton's brother!" he laughed, holding his stomach. Even Demetri smiled a little bit at the memory. I tried to smile along with them, but for me it was too soon for jokes. In fact, I think it would always be too soon for jokes.

"I mean you just smacked him, your hand flew back like--WAP! And then you hit him! I was just like 'shiiiit'!"

"Yeah, it was pretty funny," I nodded absentmindedly, leaning my head against the window and watching the houses fly by. The car slowed down and pulled into a driveway. Not my driveway. Not my driveway at all.

"Guys? What are we doing here?" I asked, sitting up straight and leaning over the front seat divider.

"Just dropping Shane off," Demetri answered as Shane kicked the door open. Dropping Shane off?

"What? Why?" I asked slightly panicked.

"…Because I live here?" Shane answered uncertainly slamming his car door.

"Oh, yes, but… Why? Why are we dropping you off first?" Panic, panic, panic. Don't leave me alone with Demetri! He'll verbally slaughter me!

"Because he lives closer," Demetri snapped. Closer to what? All I want is to not be left alone with Demetri! Is that so much to ask?

"I'll see you later, my sweet Olive!" Shane sang, breathing on my window and drawing a heart in the fog.

"Bye," I responded sadly as the heart quickly faded. Take me with you. Shane jogged to the front door of his house, tripping on the porch stairs in the process. He hopped up quickly, turned around, waved brightly, and disappeared inside his house.

The car was painfully silent without Shane.

Demetri turned around in his seat to glare at me, "I'm not your damn chauffer, get in the front seat."

I returned his glare but unbuckled my seat and joined him in the front seat anyway, moodily crossing my arms and sulking to show him my dissatisfaction.

And, oh, the silence that followed.

I felt like I needed to either say something that would let Demetri know I was sorry about earlier or I needed to say something to let him know that I wasn't going to put up with his crap.

I had three options:
I could A.) say something like, "Sorry about snapping at you earlier today. I'm just stressed."
Or I could B.) turn on the sass and say, "I know I may have been out of line earlier today, but I don't take it back." And then I would cross my arms and roll my eyes at his response.
Or maybe C.) I could ignore all logic and make a complete ass out of myself by saying something completely unrelated and unattractive.

"You know, one time when I was little I threw up behind my teacher's desk and tried to blame it on the vice principal," I stated as we began driving. Oh, so I guess I'm going with option C?

Demetri tore his eyes out of the road briefly, giving me his classic "what the hell?" look.

"Yeah, it was pretty bad. The teacher was like, 'Bobbie, did you do this?' and I was like all, 'Uh, no, but I saw Mrs. Lanter come in earlier. Maybe she did it?'"

Why? Why would I say that? That story was meant to be buried and forgotten, and yet, here I am, panicking because I have nothing to say, and filling in my silence with embarrassing stories. That's not how it's supposed to work!

"Um… what?"

"It was embarrassing." No, this is embarrassing.

"Okay, cool, I guess," he shrugged.

"Oh, not cool at all. I had to go the principal's office and explain why I threw up behind the teacher's desk and why I wouldn't take the blame."

I hate myself sometimes.

Despite our argument beforehand, Demetri was being perfectly civil, and I think that's what made me panic. I'm a bumbling, to-much-information-giving idiot when I'm nervous.

"Listen, Bobbie, about earlier--"

Well, thank god he was going to take the high road and apologize, otherwise my embarrassing stories wouldn't stop,

"I meant every word of it," he stated surely.

"What?"

"Yep. I don't take anything back. I think it's sad how hard you try to please other people."

I opened my mouth to say something but closed my mouth when I realized I had no witty comeback.

"Okay, you're a total meanie!" I paused and mentally kicked myself for saying the word meanie, but I tried to make up for it by adding, "ass hole!"

"Oh, good one. A meanie-asshole? I'm wounded, really I am."

"Okay, fine. If you don't take anything back, then I should have you know that I stand by what I said beforehand. You're no different then me."

"Yeah, that's complete bull shit," he snorted.

"No, it's definitely not. You say I'm pretending to be someone I'm not to gain friends, and then you act all 'oh I'm so cool and aloof, I'm Demetri and whether I hate this or love it I'm going to pretend to be indifferent!'"

"Okay, no, that's not--"

"Above what I'm doing at all!" I interrupted. "You're trying to be cool and aloof because you think cynicism is cool, and I'm trying to be less awkward because I want friends. So don't even pretend you're above me."

Demetri set his lips in a thin line and stopped the car. I almost peed my pants before I realized that he stopped because we were at my house. Thank god… I thought he was going to stop somewhere and leave me there to die.

"Listen, Bobbie--" Demetri turned to me with full intent to let me have a piece of his mind, but he was cut off by a loud thud and the car shaking. My head snapped towards the noise where I saw a tall, muscular, blonde, shaggy-haired boy leaning against the hood of the car, a bright smile stretching over his tan and freckled skin and reaching his blue eyes.

"BEN!" I shouted, struggling to open the door and unbuckle the seatbelt at the same time. I launched myself out of the car, landed on my butt, hopped up enthusiastically, and tackled Ben in the most aggressive hug this world has ever seen.

Hello my name is Bobbie and I like to hug aggressively to get the point across.

Even though I was hugging him as tightly as possible, Ben paid no mind (probably because I have the strength of a newborn squirrel) and instead swung me around in a circles.

"You look like such a surfer!" I shouted gleefully. Ben looked so cool.

He put me on the ground and ruffled my hair, "How's it going, Snobby?"

"Don't call me that," I mumbled, trying to get my hair back to its designated disaster, "It's stupid."

"Uh, you're stupid."

"Uh, your face is stupid."

"Uh, your mom is stupid."

"Uh, your grandma is stupid," I retorted.

Ben smiled and then turned to face the house, pushing his hair out of his eyes, "OMA! SNOBBY SAYS YOU'RE STUPID!"

Oma, who was in the kitchen, popped her head out the window and called in response, "Tell her she's still single!"

"Oma!" I whined. It was at the point when I realized that Demetri was still parked by the curb of my house, and though his facial expression showed how much he would love to leave, Ben and I were happily standing right in front of his car, blocking his exit.

"Oh, sorry Demetri, " I mumbled, stepping away from the killjoy's car and pulling Ben with me. Even though I was elated to see Ben, Demetri still had a way of sucking the joy out of everything.

"Ooooh. You must be a friend of Bobbie's!" Ben smiled, waving brightly. Demetri was still in the car and probably only heard muffled words, so he rolled down the crank window and stuck his head out.

"Hey," Demetri nodded in greeting, "I'm Demetri."

"Ben. Nice to meet you," Ben introduced, shaking Demetri's hand through the window.

"Same. You live here or something?"

"I do as of now. I'm Snobby's cousin."

"Snobby?"

"Childhood nickname," Ben shrugged, already finding it easy to talk to someone he had just met. I envied him so much.

"So, you must be Bobbie's secret lover," Ben joked in a juvenile attempt to embarrass me.

It worked.

"Not exactly." Demetri gave an all-knowing smirk.

Waggle went Ben's eyebrows.

Bubble went the bile in my stomach.

Snort went Demetri.