Chain

Now that Charlie knew she loved him she was so much more aware of Dylan than she had ever been. And she was more aware of herself. Like the silly grin that spread across her face when she saw Dylan, and the fact that she giggled (something she always thought stupid when other girls did it) when he said something.

She was almost always watching him. Charlie! she scolded herself when she realized how attached to him she was getting. Charlie, get a hold of yourself! You've either got to settle your feelings, make them obsolete, or you've got to push them aside. No matter what, it won't work. He's flesh and blood, and you.... I don't know what you are. You're spirit matter, I suppose. And you aren't forever! You'll only be around for nine hundred souls, you know!

That thought made her think, though. In the little over a year she'd been a soul collector she'd brought Dylan less than ninety souls. If the rate of people deleting the email each year averaged to around the same each year, she'd be collecting souls for over nine years, give or take a few. She couldn't forget that there were slow times, but also times where multiple people would delete it at once. But the fact of the matter was that she had at least nine years of soul collecting ahead of her.

That's another thing, she thought. You haven't aged a day since you're death, Charlie. You'll be sixteen forever. But Dylan... He'll keep aging. I mean, he's already twenty-one. A relationship with him is illegal, when it comes down to it.

Nine years is a long time, she argued with herself, unable to give up just yet. And just because physically my soul won't age, it doesn't mean it won't mentally! My mind is seventeen, right? And really, he's only four years older than me. Even nine years from now, when he's thirty he'll still only be four years older, even if I look sixteen.

Charlie shook her head. Who are you kidding? You're dead, Charlie, you're dead. Get it? And if bye some chance Dylan ends up reciprocating your feelings... He'll probably keep you here forever. Can you spend eternity collecting souls? Or even watching another souls do it?

Reciprocating my feelings? Are you trying to impress me with fancy speech, thinking it will get me on your side?

Charlie sighed. Don't avoid the question.

She yelled at the top of her lungs, frustrated. "I don't know, okay?!"

Dylan looked up from his computer, frowning. He worked at home. See, alive. Needs a job to make money, so he can survive. Do you need that?

Shut up.

"Are you okay, Charlie? What's with the sudden yelling? What don't you know?"

"Hm?" Charlie came out of her own world. "Oh! I'm... Uh... Well, honestly, the side of my brain run by emotion and the side run by reason are arguing over something. Reason asked Emotion a question she knew would win the battle, and Emotion avoided it by giving an undefined answer. But Emotion was frustrated, so she yelled it. She was so frustrated that instead of yelling in my mind, she yelled out loud."

Dylan raised his right eyebrow at her. "What?"

"Oh, like you never argue with yourself in your head." Dylan just shrugged. Charlie shrugged back. "Maybe I have multiple personality disorder?"

Dylan shook his head, turning back to his computer. "No, if that were the case you wouldn't be aware of the other personality."

Charlie nodded, then began to pace, returning to her argument with herself. Okay, so maybe I won't be able to. But perhaps he won't keep me, even if he feels the same. Maybe it will just end after nine years.

Charlie raised an eyebrow. No chance in hell. Thisis Dylan we're talking about. If by some wild chance he does love you, he'll never let you go. Just because you amused him he gave you nine hundred souls for your quota. No, if he knows you love him and he actually feels the same, you're never moving on. At least, not until he does.

Charlie had no response to that. Reason had won for now. Charlie grabbed one of the chairs by it's back and dragged it across the room and sat across from Dylan at his desk. She crossed her arms on the table and rested her chin on them. "Hey Dylan?"

He looked up at her, then closed his laptop. "What Charlie?" he asked, giving her his full attention. He was smiling.

"I can't stay here for nine years. I just can't. Even if I wanted to... How could I take more lives? It'll break me. I won't be able to handle it much longer."

He frowned. "Is it that bad?"

"For me? Yes. I know there are people out there that would just love this, but frankly I'm not one of them. I don't like taking some one's life away from them. At all. I despise it. And it hurts me. I feel like it rips a piece of me away every time I do." And that was the honest truth. As much as she loved Dylan, she couldn't handle this much longer.

"Could you even consider lowering my quota?"

"I... I don't want to loose you."

For a moment Charlie's breath caught and her heart leapt into her throat. And then good old Reason reappeared. Calm down Charlie. Most likely it's just because you amuse him. And he must be lonely, especially with the old master gone.

"I... Dylan, I can't do this."

"Then... Then I'll lower you're quota and bind you a to become one of the serving souls after you finish collecting. You can pass the role of collector to one of the next souls..."

Charlie closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing her heart to be quiet. "Dylan," she said, eyes sad. "Dylan, I have to move on. I have to. Even if I want to, I can't stay here. I'm meant to move on to where ever it is souls go after this. You can't keep me forever."

Dylan looked at her, pleading with his eyes, but not saying anything. Part of her, a huge part of her, wanted to accept that offer. To tell him that she was okay not moving on and to be a soul forever. But she couldn't, and so she didn't. "Dylan, I can't stay."

Dylan looked away. He opened his laptop. "Then your quota won't be lessened. I'm not giving you up just yet. Now, I'm busy." He was hurt. She could see that. And she knew it was because of what she had said. But as much as she loved him, and as much as she hated being the reason that he was hurt, she knew that she had had to be honest with him.

She stood. "Okay then. I'm sorry I brought it up. Finish your work."

Charlie walked away and out of Dylan's workshop. She walked down the hall and into the living room where she found Dylan's cat. She sat next to him, pulling Chester into her lap. She stroked his head. "What am I going to do, Chester? Is there any way?"

Chester looked up at her, his blue eyes soft. Charlie sighed. "You're no help."

She looked out the window into Dylan's backyard. What was she going to do? She rested her chin in the palm of her hand. "I don't know."