Dark Eyed Dreamers

I regret doing it. I didn’t say goodbye. I didn’t listen to him. I just walked away, and I regret it. I let out a sigh and closed the door to my haven, although it didn’t really seem to shine today. I leant back against the door. Why did I have to feel so strongly about a player? I slid down the door and hugged my knees to my chest. I threw my bag onto the floor and sat thinking. I thought about how he’d always come running to me. How he’d always try and tempt me to stay the night when we spent nights watching horror movies and he got scared. The thought made me smile. Letting out a long sigh, I stood and dragged myself to the bed. I pressed play on the CD player and chords began to leak from the speakers.

It was in the lobby when I set my sights on you
I should have kissed you in the elevator
But I was too scared to
It was in the morning when I made up my mind
I want you staplegunned right to my side all of the time

Do I have to spell it out for you
or scream it in your face
Oh the chemistry between us could destroy this place.

I rolled my eyes and moved onto my side. I was hoping he’d just say he didn’t know how to get rid of her. I was selfish and I didn’t care. Silent tears rolled from my eyes and glided across my skin. I was mad about the whole situation with Jack, but right now the only thing I wanted was to be kept in his arms like my barrier from the world.

I awoke to the sound of ringing. It was nearly pitch black in the room, the only light coming from the moonlight streaming through the open window. I looked over to the player which had stopped; my Mom must have been in to shut it off. I looked at the time flashing on the clock on my desk.

00:41

I’d slept right through dinner, but I wasn’t hungry. My eyes fixed on the bag on the floor. A light was flashing steadily through the fabric. I sat up and walked over; grabbing my phone from the top of the bag I looked at the caller ID: Jack. My heart didn’t flutter as much as it usually did at the sight of his name, but I pressed the call button anyway. I pressed the phone to my ear and wiped my face of the dry tears.

“Hello?” I whispered shakily.

“Brianna?” He asked softly, his voice was slightly rough but gentle. “Bri, I need to talk to you, I can’t sleep,” he continued. I debated whether to just apologise and hang up, but I had just as much luck trying to get back to sleep as he did. I figured talking over the phone wasn’t good enough, nothing could be spoken out that easily.

“Come over, through the window,” I answered, barely audibly.

“Thank you,” I heard him reply before I hung up the phone. Perching myself on the edge of the bed I began biting my nails. I began to think, and it wasn’t good. The more I thought the more I wanted to ring Jack back and tell him to forget about it. Then a tapping came from my window. I walked over and flipped the latch. The window slid up and I slipped out, perching myself on the sill. Jack stood idly at the bottom of the window watching me as I climbed across different slopes and gently landed on the grass terrain.

My eyes slowly lifted to see Jack who was staring at his shoes and kicking a patch of the grass.

“I think we should walk,” I muttered. Not once lifting his head he nodded as I walked over to him. We walked slowly and quietly. My arms were folded across my chest. Jack’s hands stuffed into his pockets. We carried on walking, not paying much attention to where we were going. It was as if we hadn’t spoken in weeks, when in actual fact things only started getting uncomfortable a few hours ago. I looked at him, taking in all his facial features illuminated by the moon.

“You stopped,” he commented. I snapped out of my trance and noted that I had indeed stopped.

“Oh, well, yeah you wanted to talk and... We haven’t been talking,” I nodded. I wasn’t entirely lying, we hadn’t been talking and whereas half of me was going to hate hearing him describe the girl he lusted for, the other half wanted to find out more about her.

“Yeah, um... I wanted to know why you were crying,” he started rubbing the back of his neck.

“I... It was nothing,” I corrected myself feeling disappointment flush over me. I saw a suspicious look cross over his face.

“And... why did you ask about Jenna?” He asked. I shook my head, defeated. “It wasn’t just because I kissed you was it?” I heard him ask. I blushed furiously at his mention of the word and hung my head in case he saw. I felt so stupid; it was obvious he had his suspicions and I was just making it easier for him to figure me out. I was expecting him to take off with a disgusted look on his face. I was scared of losing my best friend because of some stupid crush. But instead I felt him take steps closer to me an arm tie around me. A finger came below my face and pushed up bringing me to eye level with Jack. He studied my face for a while as my blood rushed. I was getting scared.

“Jack what are you doing?” I stammered. He took a while to reply, still staring at my features as though he hadn’t heard me.

“I need to do something,” he explained. I was getting more and more scared as he closed the distance between us. As his lips came into contact with mine my mind went blank, only focussing on Jack. I’d forgotten the fears I had only a minute ago and felt a rush of wild animals creeping around my stomach. As he pulled away I’d realised what had happened. My lack of self-control had made me weak once again. My eyes began to leak obviously confirming what Jack had thought. Instead of him shoving me away and leaving like I’d expected he pulled my face into his shoulder and began to play with my hair. He stayed silent as small sobs racked my frame. My fingers clung onto his shirt as if he would disappear if I didn’t.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered over and over again through my tears.

“Don’t be,” he would reply every time, and every time I would ignore him, carrying on with my attempt to apologise. I felt exposed and weak. I could tell he knew my dirty secret but he wasn’t sharing his opinions on it. I’d rather have him hurt me than lose him.