Unshed Tears

Late Sunday night, Jace called. We begun talking, and the party came up.

“Yeah. I don’t remember much,” Jace admitted.

I sighed, “Much?”

“Just the normal stuff. Lots of dancing, way too much alcohol, and hooking up with my girlfriend,” he said light heartedly.

Thank god. He’d had much more to drink then me, and I had never been happier to here about his hangover. “You must have had a worse hangover then me. While we’re on the topic of um friends…I’m dating Jake.” The last part I said so quickly I ended up laughing. Tucking a strand of dark hair behind my ear, I pulled my legs up onto the chair I sat on. “I mentioned it at the party, but with your hangover…”

“Jake? What is wrong with you?” Jace exclaimed.

I laughed again, but it wasn't real, “It’s too bad you were drunk at the party because I am not repeating this conversation.”

He chuckled. “I do remember something else. Any thing else you want to tell me, May?”

“Uh no,” I gulped.

Jace’s tone got serious; it was such a contradiction to his typical light joking voice, “Okay, but when you die from lung cancer, just remember I told you so.”

“Same to you, about kidney failure,” I said somberly.

Exams came. I thought there was nothing to them besides trying not to be distracted by Jace, but when you spend ninety percent of the year with no social life, you have plenty of time to study. The biggest problem I had was when I’d look up and see Jace twisting a pencil in his hair and I would get so distracted I actually lost track of time. He was too hard to ignore.

On the day before the last, a group of us were relaxing in the court yard. My friends were sprawled about, when Jake, in baggy jeans and green shirt, joined us. Jake pulled me into a tight hug, kissing the top of my head. We received the typical snickers and cute calls from our friends, and then he linked his fingers with mine and smiled.

“So, I thought we should go to the dance tomorrow, pay back for dragging me to that party,” He said.

Amy giggled. Kathy pulled the hood of her gray jacket down further. Kathleen opened a book, and Jake got to his feet to wander off. They’re all so good at giving us space.

“A dance?” I whined.

He nodded. “You owe me. Or don’t you remember the party where you got drunk, leaving me to take care of you,” Jake whispered.

“Fine,” I caved and plopped down on the wall, breaking into my soda and twirling the cap between my thin fingers. Slowly I looked around, seeing pat lose strands of my wild hair. Jace sat at a round table, Jena perched on his lap and his so called friends talking all around. With that fake wide smile plastered on his tanned face, I almost believed Jace was happy. Yet, the two years I spent as his best-friend told me he was acting once again.

“May? May?” Amy tugged on my sleeve. “I was saying, we need to go get you that dress. You remember the one we saw in the store by the movie theater!”

So it was settled. Why wasn’t I happy then? My best guess would be because every time I closed my eyes I saw Jace’s face, and thinking of dancing made me think of being wrapped up in his warm arms.

That night Amy and I went back to the store. Right in the front of the store, crammed between reds and vibrant pinks, was the shimmering blue material of the dress I was looking for. The bell jingled as we entered, and a small lady raced up to us. She patiently waited as Amy ran to the back of the store looking for the right sized dress because as my luck would have it, the one up front was a small. Amy came back after a few minuets, jumping for joy. She’d just found one in the right size, a miracle. As we were leaving, she pulled me aside, a worried look on her face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked her.

She bit down on her lip then said, “I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“Nothing,” I said, trying to smile, but apparently my acting skills were rusty.

Amy said, “Don’t lie to me. I can tell there’s something up.”

“Do you think you can stop…liking someone?” I tugged at my cotton shirt, twisting the material around my nails and picking at the lose teal threads.

She tilted her head, spilling sleek hair over her oval face. “Like?”

“Okay,” I said cautiously, “for example, completely hypothetical, I’m dating Jake, and he’s wonderful, but I keep think about some one else.” I felt blood rise to my face, and I wanted to slap myself.

“Like Jace?” I gasped, but Amy continued, “I’ve seen how you act around him, and it shows when you’re with Jake. It’s a tough call; it’s high school, May. You just make the most of it, and remember, if you don’t want Jake, I will take him off your hands.” That was it; that was all she had to say on the matter, but it made sense. It did a little to help me, but I fell asleep that night with enough worries to send me spiraling into a nightmare of extreme content.

Everything was black and white with shades of gray. My surroundings were blurred, but that didn’t matter to me because a couple of yards away Jake was on his keens, rocking back and forth with a small pocket knife clutched in his hand. A shirt lay beside him, leaving his scared chest bare. The light danced around him, bouncing off the edge of the blade as it moved closer and closer to his skin. With my heart racing, and my fear growing, I tried moving forward. My hand reached out toward him, and over and over I called his name, but I couldn’t move any closer to him. My feet lifted off the ground. I ran and ran, but still he was so far away. Then a hand pulled back on my shoulder and two strong arms curled around my waist. Warmth flooded my, sending sparks down my spine. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pull my eyes away from Jake to look behind me, but I knew who was there. Who else would it be other then Jace?

He buried his face in my neck, his lips moving against my neck as he tried to calm me down. “May,” he whispered. “May, it can’t be helped. It’s over.”

I felt tears building in my eyes, threatening to pour down my face. Jake had torn through his skin again, and a new stream of black blood poured over his chest.

The arms around he held tighter, and my body was pressed against his. Still my eyes watched Jake, entranced.

“JAKE!” I screamed and sunk down to my knees, bring Jace with me. I spun around, burying my face in Jace’s chest. A hand stroked my hair, ran down my back, and rubbed my arm. Finally he just held me. There were no more comforting words, just Jace holding me as I shook.

Then I shot up in bed, chills running down my spine making me shiver. I’d been dreaming far too much for my liking. Now my hair was sticking to the beads of sweat racing down my neck and the hairs stood raised on my arms. I rocked back and forth. The material of my baggy sleep shirt felt thin, useless; they couldn’t shield me from the cold that seeped into my bones. Pulling the soft green blanket up to my chin I let out a soft sigh and let other thoughts catch up to me.

It was the day of the dance, and the last day of my freshman year. Pulling back the covers and stumbling around, I prepared for school. I yanked a plaid blue and black shirt over my head and pulled on a pair of skinny jeans. Twenty minuets later I was ready for the day to be over. Before walking out the door I put on a smile and told myself to go with the flow.