Unshed Tears

After that, school was done and over with in a wink of the eye. Amy, Kathy, Susie, Kathleen and some others met me on the patio, and then I was being rushed about as they all chattered about how excited the dance would be and what they were wearing. We flocked together, and then spread out our own ways for a couple of hours.

An hour later, a small group of us sat in my room, just hanging out before we would head over to the hotel for the end of the year dance. Kathy had wiggled into her silver, knee length dress and was applying a light coat of eye-shadow. Amy was on my bed trying to do something with her flat dark hair, and Kathleen was sitting cross legged on the floor, her hands running over the neon green stitches in the hem of her dark green dress. Susie was flipping through my shoes, frowning. They were all in their dresses, each one looking outstanding.

“Want me to do your hair?” Kathleen asked, a smile growing on her lips.

“Please,” Amy exclaimed.

Just then, Susie bounced up holding a pair of white heels, an accomplished smile lighting up her freckled face.

“Here, wear these,” she said and shoved the shoes into my hands. “Now go get ready. Jake will be here soon.”

I laughed as I was ushered out of my own room, “I bet he takes longer to get ready them I do.” Turning around, I skipped into the bathroom where I quickly slid the shimmering blue material over my head. Once I was into the dress, I begun applying a relatively thin layer of black eyeliner. Done with that, I ran my hands through my thick brown hair, and then took a minuet to practice my smile in the mirror, telling my self I was happy. I walked back into my room and pulled on the heels as I plopped beside Kathleen and Amy on my bed.

“I’ll do your hair next,” Kathleen said as she tugged at another strand of Amy’s hair.

Susie appeared in front of me, her hair twisted on top of her head now, and a plethora of lip gloss-sticks in her hand. “No, I’ll do it, and I will do her make up,” she said to Kathleen, a bright smile sliding over her glossy lips. I swallowed, ready to run for it, but she was already applying globs make up. “Stop squirming.” Squeezing my eyes closed I tried to stop fidgeting as she darted around. A few breaths later and she announced, “Ta duh! I’m done!”

That put an end to my preparation, and a few minutes later Jake rang the door bell. My tall, handsome boy friend was decked out in a black suit, smooth silver tie and cream shirt. His beat up sneakers and been placed aside for a slick pair of black dress shoes, and his inky hair had been pulled back into a lose ponytail. Politely, he opened the door to his mustang, allowing me to slide into the passenger seat. We arrived at the hotel and fallowed the arrows into a large room equipped with massive speakers pumping out rap and filled with teenagers grinding. Slowly, I turned to him; my smile had slipped out of place so I was frowning.

“I can’t do this,” I said over the music. “I can’t just act like I’m fine when I’ve been freaking out since after Jena’s party. I need to know Jake!” My mind had been eating away little parts of me, and all my thoughts and fears had surfaced at last.

Jake took my hand, dropped his jacket in a chair and moved us out a side door, into an empty hallway. He released me and turned his back to me, burying his face in his hands as he sighed.

“Tell me…tell me why you cut yourself Jake,” I whispered.

There was heavy breathing in the silence, and then Jake dropped his hands and begun to speak.

“I have a small anger problem, and it’s always gotten me in trouble. Fights at school got me expelled, and that caused us to move around a lot. Susie calls it the bad boy act,” he said with a small laugh. I walked around to look at his face as Jake continued to talk. “I was hurting the people around me, and I couldn’t keep putting Susie through that. If I just take a little of myself instead of lashing out, then we won’t have to move again. I won’t have to spend a night listening to the cops talk about adolescent rebellion, and my sister can stop crying.”

“So you punish yourself?” I asked. Jake nodded, dropping his eyes to the ground. “How long?”

He said, “Half way through the seventh grade is when it started.”

It took a moment to sink in, and then I was running through the door, listening to his voice get drowned out by the music. I finally stopped running when I was back outside the hotel, the cool night air rushing into my lungs. The obnoxious music flooded through the open doors, but I found a comforting silence. Sinking down against a wall, I warped my arms around my knees and tried taking even breaths.

“What am I doing?” I whispered.

The door bounced open and there was the repetitive sound of high-heels clicking on the pavement. I kept my eyes glued to my knees, but then the sound stopped. There was a frustrated sound and then the girl stomped on the ground. Peeking up, I saw Susie. Her frail hands were poised on her hips, blond hair was still perfectly poised and her make up was flawless. Light brown eyes looked down on me, and they was a world of anger and pain in those eyes.

“You didn’t have to do that to him!” she exclaimed.

I looked around frantically before dropping my gaze back to my feet. “I didn’t mean to. I-it’s just I’ve know about the sc-scars, but it hadn’t sunk in. Now that I know for-for sure, I-it just sort of hit me, and I freaked.”

“You were good for him,” she spat.

I jumped to my feet, balling my hands into fist defensively. “Susie! I was scared I was going to hurt him! I was scared of what he was doing! I didn’t know what to say to that…” I folded my arms across my stomach and shook my head as I bit down on my lip.

Shaking and sobbing, I sunk back down onto the cement, curling my legs up to my chin and letting the tears fall freely. I rocked back and forth, tuning out the dance. The music was just a distance pop in the back of my mind, and the click click click of a girl’s shoes didn’t register with me until the door slammed shut.