Unshed Tears

Sitting on my bed, I tilted my head to the side, resting it on Jace’s shoulder once again. As my mind raced and thoughts fluttered about, I found one note ringing out. It sung the age old song I could never hide from. Why did this happen to me? That is what my mind asked, that was the struggle I had to fight. Even as I leaned against him, a small smile playing on my lips; I had doubts and fears because I wanted it to be more then it was, and some where deep inside myself I knew it could never happen. More often then not I felt things would be much simpler if we had never met. If Jace hadn’t interrupted my life with constant pestering, soft eyes and a flashing smile I might have held on tighter to my happiness, instead of the faced I cling to. Then a smile tugged at me as I remembered how he leaned against the marble tables in our old science class, a slight curve on his lips before he begun speaking, and I had to throw all my effort into ignoring him- the light swirls in his thick hair, the odd green and gold tent of his eyes and the smooth, relaxed form his posture. I recalled how he would wander over from across the room as I typed away on a computer. Jace would take the seat behind me or the one beside me, words tumbling from him in an incoherent way that was distracting to no end. With so much effort trying to pull me from what ever I was doing, he would barely breathe, ignoring the girl who trailed behind him, twisting her hair in a strangely familiar way.

That image tore me from my happy place, my lips turning down and my brow pulling together. The girl who had trailed behind in like a love sick pet had dark brown hair with the slightest hint of waves. Full brown eyes were wide behind a pair of thick rimed black glasses, and she had pale skin covered in a few spontaneous freckles. It was a look I had become accustom to last year after I met Amy and in turn had befriended Kathy. My head was spinning as I reeled it all in, questioning how to handle this new discovery, questioning how I missed such an obvious key.

Kathy had had a massive crush on him, maybe she still did. Though it didn’t seem like she hung on him, or fallowed his every move, like she did back in middle school, she did smile a lot when he was around, and she did laugh at anything he meant to be funny- even when it was not. When he ate lunch with us, she made sure to sit by his side and gaze at him.

I blinked rapidly, hoping I might stop seeing spots and somehow clear my foggy mind. It was as if a weight had been dumped right down on my gut and my brain had been jabbed by a hot poker. Too much information was trying to soak in at once, and there was no doubt I was over reacting; yet, I could not help but feel jealous. Even after three years of friendship- of one type or another- I had no right to feel so possessive of him; after all, Jace had dated other girls, flirted constantly and to be completely honest with myself, he deserved some one far better then me. It was utterly realistic to believe other girls liked him, wanted more then just a friendship, and he in turn had feelings- as any teenage boy would- for them.

Suddenly I wasn’t sure if I was hearing something on the television or the thumping of my racing heart. The noise was growing, escalading, being drummed into my head until it was like white noise and all there was left was a splitting headache that cause more dancing spots to float before my eyes. Squeezing my eyes tightly, a slow breath passed between my lips.

If I had been alone, I might have laughed, but because Jace was right beside me, I only smiled a little. I was new to over reacting and found it could be rather entertaining. Still, that fact didn’t stop me from worrying a little.

“This part is so boring.” I mumbled to distract myself from thinking as I toyed with a strand of hair that dangled before my eyes.

Jace shushed me, his eyes never leaving the TV screen. I swatted at his arm; still there was no reaction. Rolling my head off his shoulder I buried it in a pillow, only to be nudged in the side and nearly slip of the edge of my bed.

“You’re going to miss the good part,” Jace said with a hint of a snicker