Fall Away

I didn’t sleep well that night. My mind seemed to be determined to keep me awake as my thoughts swirled around my hate. Even when I finally did sleep, my dreams were filled with dark shapes and foreboding voices. There was even one nightmare that I would have been more than happy never having.

By the time I got up in the morning, I had convinced myself that the boys were crazy. Why had I even considered it? There was no way anyone could predict who was going to be born, and who was going to die. That stuff appeared in fantasy novels, not real life.

I became less sure when I saw a small article in the local section of the newspaper. Two words jumped out at me: Peter Yikan. I froze, remembering Soren’s comment from the night before, and quickly scanned the rest of the article.

Peter Yikan, 29, died last night of a heart attack… He was happily married with a young son and two puppies… Wife found him, approximately 2 hours after his death, crumpled on the floor… At press time, medical officials are not sure what caused the heart attack… He appeared to be in great health… No apparent symptoms… He leaves behind a heartbroken family.

The paper dropped from my shaking hands. This was impossible. They knew he had died – well, at least Soren knew. How had they known, before the wife had even found the body? It shouldn’t be possible. It was impossible. And yet…

I don’t know how long I sat there, staring at the paper. The words didn’t change. The facts remained the same. My mind twisted, trying to comprehend it. It couldn’t be coincidence, but it couldn’t be real. Could it?

A knock on the door startled me out of my thoughts. I made my way to the front of my apartment, peering through the peephole. My heart stopped, then began to race as I recognized the boy pacing the small space outside my front door.

I thought about ignoring him. Pretending I wasn’t home, letting him ring the door bell a few more times before leaving. But I couldn’t do it. Now more than ever I wanted to hear his side of the story.

I threw the door open, catching Kirian by surprise. “Hey,” he said, recovering quickly.

I didn’t say anything, just took in his appearance. His hair was sticking up, as if he had run his fingers through it multiple times, and his eyes were bright as they locked with mine. “Can I come in?”

I didn’t take the time to think through my actions, to talk myself out of doing it. I just pushed the door open so he could step in and made my way inside. I knew he would follow me, and I was right.

I sat down in the living room, feeling a sense of déjà vu as Kirian began to pace around the room. “This is a crappy apartment, Ellie,” he finally announced.

“It’s not that bad,” I muttered.

Kirian stopped to give me a look. “The walls look like they’re about to fall apart any second.”

I shrugged. “Well, not everybody’s secrets make them rich.”

It seemed to take him a moment to figure out what I had said, and then he began pacing again. “You’re pissed.”

“Good observation.” My voice was bitter, and I couldn’t stop the sarcastic remarks from coming. I didn’t want to fight with Kirian, but I needed to get my anger and confusion out. He just happened to be convenient.

“Is there anything I can say?” he asked.

“Is there any way you can change destiny?” I snapped back.

He hesitated, then shook his head. “No. Not really.”

“Not really?” I said hopefully. “But… but possibly?”

He shook his head again, firmly this time. “Forget it, Ellie. There’s nothing I can do.”

“Then why did you come?” I asked, unable to keep the hurt out of my voice. “I thought…” The words died off. I couldn’t bring myself to confess what I actually thought.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he replied quietly. “I know I should have explained myself. You deserve more than my brother’s second-hand information. But…”

“But?” I pressed.

“Well, in my defense, he probably said everything better than I could,” Kirian finished awkwardly.

I nodded once before looking down to stare at my hands. It had never been like this before – awkward, yes, but never like this. And I surprised myself when I realized I didn’t like it.

“I’m sorry,” Kirian finally said, his voice a low whisper. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I tried to get to know you, I’m sorry I lied to you, I’m sorry I kept secrets. I’m sorry you and your family got screwed over by the stupid list and I’m sorry that it hurts you. I’m just… sorry.”

I stared at him, shocked. Even with all the things I had expected him to say, the idea that he would apologize hadn’t even crossed my mind. “I’m sorry, too,” I whispered. “For-”

He was shaking his head before I even began. “No, Ellie,” he countered. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”

And then, before I could process what was happening, he was kissing me.