Fall Away

I stared after him for a split-second. How had things gotten so out of hand? In my mind, I could still see Soren looking at me, the word Kirian leaving his lips. He had made it seem like Kirian liked me, more than he normally liked people. So why was he leav…

Oh. Reality hit me like a cold splash to the face. I ran after him, grabbing his arm as he pulled open the door. “Don’t go,” I managed.

Kirian stared down at me impassively. “Why not?” he asked. “There’s no reason for me
to stay.”

“Didn’t you come here for something?”

“To make sure you were okay,” he repeated. “Obviously, you’re just fine without me. So-”

“But I’m not,” I protested. “I want-”

“I’m sure if you call up Soren he’ll be able to help you with whatever it is.” Kirian’s voice was cold, but I thought I heard a twinge of hurt in it.

“Look, Kirian,” I sighed. “Soren’s a nice guy. He’s outgoing and fun and easy to talk to.”

The boy’s face grew colder with each statement, and I hurried to make my point.

“But he’s nothing special. And to him, I’m nothing special. But you…”

“What about me?”

“You’re different,” I replied.

“Yeah?” His face remained impassive, but his voice seemed curious.

“Yeah. You talk to me – or ignore me – like I mean something. It seems like.. you care,” I offered. “About me. My feelings. I mean, you don’t see Soren asking if I’m okay.”

“I do care,” he muttered, sticking his hands in his pockets and avoiding my gaze. “I’m not supposed to, but I do.”

“What does that mean?” I asked, a little exasperated. “Is there some memo out that says no one’s allowed to care about me? Be friends with me? Talk to me?”

Kirian grabbed my hand as I opened my mouth to continue. “No.”

“Then what is it?” I asked. “Is it something I’m doing, or…”

“No, Ellie,” he sighed. “It’s not you, it’s me.”

“And what does that mean?” I groaned.

“Come on, Ellie. Do you think I like making friends, knowing that I could be killing their brother in two months?”

“That’s the second time you’ve said that,” I said quietly. “What’s this with you killing people? You’re not… you don’t actually kill them.”

He laughed quietly. “You don’t think so?”

I shook my head. “You’re not the type.”

“The type…” he sighed. “Since when is there a type?”

I shrugged awkwardly. I had no idea where he was going with this. It was a slightly uncomfortable conversation.

“Well, lucky for you, you’re right,” he said. “I don’t actually kill them.”

“Then what…”

“I… it’s complicated.”

I waited, afraid to push him, but desperately wanting to know.

“Just… just think about it. There's two lists. Two twins. Two personalities.”

I had to stop and think about it. He wasn’t making any sense. Unless… “Do they represent… you? You and Soren? Like… life and death?”

I barely processed his nod as my brain kept on going. “Soren… he knows everybody. He’s friends with everybody. He… knows peoples secrets,” I added, suddenly remembering his comment at the bar. “He’s the life.”

Kirian watched me as I continued my analysis. “And you…” I sighed. “You’re quiet, reserved. You don’t talk to people, you don’t try to make friends.”

Kirian’s face didn’t change, so I couldn’t tell if I was insulting him with my assumptions. “It’s your list Danny’s on,” I whispered. “You represent death.”

He nodded silently. “And that’s why I’m not supposed to care.”