Fall Away

I had so many questions I wanted to ask, now that Kirian was finally talking. Knowing that they represented life and death wasn’t nearly enough for me. I wanted to push him for more information, but I was scared that he would go back into the shell he’d formed for himself. With the progress we seemed to be making, I couldn’t handle the thought.

So I forced myself not to speak, standing there watching Kirian watch the floor. I tried to think of something I could say, something comforting, but my mind was blank. So the silence between us grew, until Kirian finally spoke.

“I’ll go,” he said, turning to face the door. “You’re okay, I guess. And I’m sure I’m not helping things by – by being here, and ki-”

“Kirian,” I interrupted. “Stop.”

He looked at me, and I could see the torment in his eyes. He did care, and hurting over something you couldn’t change was something I could relate to. “It’s not your fault,” I whispered.

“God, Ellie, would you stop trying to make me feel better?” he snapped. “It is my fault. I know that. And I wish I could do something about it, but-”

Before I could process what I was doing, I reached out and hugged him tightly. He was beating himself up, and it was causing more pain than I ever could. It showed that he really did care, and that made me want to help him, or at least comfort him. It wasn’t much, but maybe, just maybe, it would make him feel a little better.

Kirian stiffened for a moment, then let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my head in his shoulder, feeling how strong his arms were as they pulled me closer to him. He acted so strong, but I knew that his physical strength couldn’t prevent him from feeling pain. It just combined with his pride, forcing him to keep his feelings hidden, and I knew that keeping it inside just made it worse.

We stood silently, wrapped in each other’s arms. I closed my eyes, not wanting the moment to end. Despite everything Kirian had told me, and everything that he was still hiding, I felt safe with him. I didn’t want to talk, to bring back any of the distrust and awkwardness that still seemed to surround us. I just wanted it to stay like this. Me and him. Completely wrong, but somehow… right.

But of course, it didn’t. Kirian pulled away first, clearing his throat roughly and backing up, sticking his hands in his pockets as he went. “I really should get going,” he said. “You have school tomorrow. Or work. Or something. And I should get home. Soren’ll wonder where I am.”

I nodded. I didn’t want to agree, but he did have a valid point. “I guess you should.”

He nodded, still looking at me. We stared at each other for a moment before he turned around and opened the door. “I’ll see you, Eliana.”

“See you soon,” I corrected.

It wasn’t until the door shut behind him that I realized he had used my full name.