Dance With Me In the Pouring Rain

I put down the phone and looked at Kyle glumly. "She's still not answering," I informed him miserably.

It was the following day, and I was round at Kyle's with Jordan. In that time, I had rung Tory at least seven times. Each time, she had either cut me off or let it go to voicemail.

"Fletch, maybe it's better this way," Kyle said gently. "Sometimes, when it's over, it's just... over."

"But we only had one little argument," I said defensively.

Jordan snorted. "I wouldn't exactly call it little."

"Okay, one big argument," I amended. "But I can't just lose her. Not like this."

"Get her back, then," Jordan said simply.

"You make it sound so easy," I said, frustrated. "She won't talk to me!"

"Then don't get her back," he replied, just as simply.

"But I have to," I whispered.

Jordan sighed, rubbing his head. "You're impossible, mate."

I cast my eyes to the floor miserably. Him and Kyle exchanged glances, whispering in hushed tones. About me, probably. Sighing, I pulled out my mobile and called Tory again.

After three rings, someone answered. My spirits lifted unbearably high and I couldn't help but smile.

"Hi Fletch." Eddie's voice was grim.

My heart sank and I visibly drooped. "Oh. Hi Eddie."

"Fletch, please stop calling," he said softly. "She doesn't want to talk to you."

I bit my lip, nodding though he couldn't see. "Okay." My voice was an inaudible whisper.

I pressed the end call button and put down the phone, resting my head in my hands. I had reached the point of no return. It had been three days since we had broke up. This was it. It was really over.

"Fletch, are you okay?" Kyle asked uncertainly.

"I'm fine," I barked, jumping to my feet. "I'm going for a walk. See you."

I strode out, slamming the door behind me. I needed to clear my head, to take my mind off Tory. I started running almost as soon as Kyle's front door banged shut, and didn't stop until I reached the park.

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I collapsed on a park bench, exhausted. I’d been running for nearly thirty minutes straight. I'd just kept running and running and running because the pain in my legs and lungs was nothing compared to the pain in my chest.

Pulling out my phone, I started flicking through my photos. I halted at a picture of me and Tory from that first date a few weeks ago. It felt like such a long time ago. I stared at it numbly. My arm was slung casually around her shoulders and I was grinning like an idiot up at the camera. I looked so, so happy.

"You're such an idiot," I whispered harshly. "You don't even deserve her."

Shutting the phone, I cradled my head in my hands, my eyes squeezed shut. It was like the bottom had fallen out of my world and I was plummeting helplessly through time and space to hit rock bottom.

Suddenly, my phone vibrated in my pocket. Hope sparked in me, though I tried not to let it. I pulled out my mobile, praying it was her.

Once more, I was disappointed. It was a her, just not the her I wanted. I slid up the phone and put it to my ear.

"Hi Kara," I said dully.

"Hey!" she enthused. "How're your holidays going?"

"Fine," I lied. "Yours?"

"It's just fantastic," she replied happily. "I never knew camping could be this much fun! We've only got a few days left, and I'm really going to miss it."

"That's great. That’s really, really great," I said, trying to inject as much enthusiasm into those two words as possible.

Clearly, she wasn't fooled. Her tone changed quickly to one of concern. "Fletch? What's wrong?"

The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. I told her what happened with Tory and what had happened since, every last, agonising detail.

When I finished, she was quiet for so long I thought she'd hung up on me.

"Fletch," she said finally, "you are a Class A idiot."

"I kind of figured that out for myself, thanks," I replied sarcastically. "But don't you think it's even a little bit harsh? All I did was get a little jealous."

"All you did?" she echoed disbelievingly. "Fletch, you flat-out accused her of cheating on you. That hurts. It shows her you don't trust her at all. You can't have a relationship without trust."

"It's not that I don't trust her, I do..." I trailed off, unsure how to go on.

"What is it, then? Because that's what it sounds like," she informed me matter-of-factly.

I inhaled deeply. "I- I'm not good enough for her. You've seen her. You know what she's like. She's just... amazing. There's no other word for what she is. She's funny and sweet and kind and lovely and so incredibly beautiful it hurts. She could have had any guy she wanted, and she was with me. It was incredible, but it was terrifying too. I knew it was only a matter of time before she found someone better and realised what a reconstituted pile of shit I am. And that's why I said what I did. Because I was shit-scared of losing her to someone better than me because she's just too good for me.” I laughed harshly. “Guess it's too late, though."

Kara was silent for a few seconds. "Oh Fletch," she said softly. "That's just about the stupidest thing I've ever heard. But it was sweet, too."

I smiled despite myself. "I take it that's a good thing."

"Do you love her?"

I nodded, then realised she couldn't see. "Yes."

"So why are you still talking to me, then?" she said gently. "Go get Tory back."

"But I can't," I replied, frustrated. "Didn't you hear me-"

"Fletch," she interrupted, "you can’t give up this easily. I know they say if you love someone you should let them go, but that’s crap advice. Find some way to talk to her and tell her what you told me. Flowers wouldn't hurt, either."

"I gave her some already," I reminded her. "And a box of chocolates."

"Then all you can give her is an apology," she said simply.

"It's not all I can give her," I replied, remembering what I had bought the other day.

I could vaguely hear someone in the background, calling Kara’s name. "Well, I have to go," she said apologetically. "David's calling me."

"That's okay," I replied. "I should go, anyway."

"Good luck," she said softly. "I'll see you in a couple of days."

Kara hung up and I called up my contacts. Finding the person I was looking for, I called them, praying they would answer.

"Hello?"

I sighed with relief. "Ally? It's me. Fletch. I need your help."

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As I walked to the fountain in the middle of the park, I rehearsed my speech in my head. It sounded cheesy and soppy even to my own ears, but there was nothing I could do about it. Wincing, I ran through it one more time, checking I had it right. Nothing could go wrong. This was my last chance to get Tory back. I couldn’t mess it up.

I halted where I stood, mere metres away from the fountain. Tory and Ally were standing there, talking. I shrunk back behind a nearby tree, pricking my ears up to overhear their conversation.

“…just so annoying,” Tory sighed, scuffing the toe of her converses. “He won’t stop calling.”

“Did you ever expect him to?” Ally replied simply.

“But the worst part is, I can’t stop thinking about him,” Tory murmured, hugging myself. “No matter what, he’s always there, lurking in the background.”

My spirits lifted. That must have been a good thing, surely.

“You know, Tory, if you can’t get someone out of your head, then maybe they’re supposed to be there,” Ally said gently.

Tory looked up angrily. “Whose side are you on, here? You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to be telling me what a dickhead he is, and telling me I did the right thing by breaking up with him.”

“But Tory, you didn't,” Ally replied calmly.

“I know,” Tory said miserably.

“Look, I’m going to get us both an ice cream,” Ally said softly. “You look like you need it. A ninety-nine with two flakes and lots of chocolate sauce?”

“You know me too well,” Tory said wryly. “Look, Ally. Thanks for making me come out. I’ve been inside for too long.” She looked around hesitantly. “Though, I’m not sure about the location. I have a lot of memories of this place.” She smiled briefly. “Good ones, mostly.”

Ally smiled knowingly and headed off to the ice cream van. As she passed the tree I was hiding behind, she winked at me and gave me the thumbs up. Thanking her silently, I stole towards Tory, trying to make as little noise as possible.

A twig crunched underfoot and I cursed. Tory whirled round, shocked. I was frozen to the spot. It seemed the old saying was right: absence does make the heart grow stronger. She looked even more beautiful than I remembered, even in a simple blue t-shirt and jeans.

“Hi,” I croaked.

She narrowed her eyes. “Fletch? What are you-” She broke off to curse. “Ally.”

She turned to leave, but I caught her arm and whirled her back round to face me. Tory gritted her teeth, but kept her eyes fixed on the floor.

“Get your hands off of me,” she said venomously, the force in her words enough to make me release her and take a step back.

“Tory, please,” I said softly. “Just look at me.”

And then she did and I wished I’d never said anything. Her eyes were cold, hard, unfeeling. In that moment, she looked like she hated me more than anything in the word.

“I don’t have time for this, Fletcher,” she said harshly.

“Please, Tory, just hear me out,” I replied weakly. “Please. Just let me say what I came here to say and then you can go. You can hate me all you like but please, just hear me out.”

“Fine,” she muttered, folding her arms across her chest. “But make it quick. I have a pressing appointment with a ninety-nine with two flakes and lots of chocolate sauce.”

My mouth opened, but nothing came out. I grasped desperately at the remnants of my prepared speech, floating around in my head, but I could remember only scattered fragments of what I wanted to say to her.

“Truth is, Tory,” I said eventually, “I never know what to say to you. How to be around you. What to be around you. You’re so perfect, in every way imaginable, and I’m just… not.”

“Is that what you came here to tell me?” Her voice was steel. “Because you of all people should know that I am far from perfect.”

I licked my lips nervously; clearly that was the wrong thing to say. “I’m sorry, Tory. I overreacted. I know I did. It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve never regretted anything more. But it was only because- because I was scared.” I breathed in deeply, readying myself. “I was scared that while you were in France, you’d found someone better than me, someone who deserved you and could measure up to your expectations. I figured you were just biding your time until you chucked me, and I couldn’t deal with that kind of rejection. Not from you. So I did the only thing I could do.”

“You hurt me before I could hurt you,” Tory finished quietly.

I nodded sadly. “Yeah. That. I know I’m not good enough for you, Tory. I’m not good-looking, I’m not funny, I’m not even particularly nice. So I have no idea what on earth you ever saw in me.”

“That makes two of us,” she muttered in reply.

“You know, the last few months I’ve spent with you have been beyond incredible. When I’m with you, I feel different. You make me feel… whole, somehow. Like something was missing and I only realised when I met you. Tory, you’re the light of my life.” I laughed shakily. “Sorry. That didn't mean to come out so soppy and clichéd. I guess what I’m trying to say is-” I broke off to sigh, figuring it couldn’t do any harm. “I love you, Tory. I know it’s stupid, and you probably hate me, but I can’t help it. I didn't want to let you go without letting you know.” I exhaled slowly. “Okay. That’s all I have to say. Feel free to humiliate me. I deserve it.”

“Oh Fletch,” Tory sighed. “You stupid, soppy, self-pitying muppet.”

I bit my lip, not daring to look up at her.

“You know what I don’t like about you?” she said suddenly. She didn't wait for me to answer. “You have all this hurt, all this rage locked up inside you. You hate the world and everything in it. And sometimes, that even includes me. But you can’t live your life expecting everybody you meet to let you down simply because of a few bad experiences. And that-” She broke off to sigh. “That annoys me more than anything else about you.”

I nodded, my head bowed with humility.

“But you know what I do like about you?” she said softly. “When you let go of all that hurt, all that rage, you’re wonderful. And I love spending time with you. But not when you’re being a jealous ass.”

I nodded again, bracing myself for the inevitable blow. Tory tilted my chin up so I was looking directly into her eyes.

“Did you mean what you said?” she whispered.

I managed a weak nod. “Every word.”

Her face softened and her mouth twitched upwards into a smile. She threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back, hardly daring to believe what was happening. It felt so indescribably good to have her back in my arms that I never, ever wanted to let her go again.

“I missed you,” she whispered.

“Me too,” I replied honestly. “Tory, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

She pulled away and pressed a finger to my lips to shut me up. “Don’t. It’s in the past. I don’t want to think about it.”

“I just want you to know, though, I do trust you,” I said sincerely. “Honest.”

“Fletch, I know,” she replied with a smile.

I hugged her again, kissing the top of her head. Suddenly, though, I remembered something.

“I nearly forgot,” I muttered, rummaging in my pockets and pulling out a small, cube-shaped box. “Here. This is for you.”

Tory’s eyes widened with disbelief. “Fletch, is that- is that what I think it is?”

I grinned, and bent down on one knee, holding out the box, proposal-style. “Victoria Pearson, will you do me the honour of becoming my girlfriend? Again.”

She laughed, pulling the necklace out of the box. “I do,” she said softly. She turned it over in her hands, looking at it with amazement. “Wow. This is beautiful.” She looked at me shyly. “It looks expensive.”

I shrugged. “You’re worth it.”

She smiled. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s lovely, but what's it for?”

“Our one-month anniversary. It was while you were in France. I kind of forgot,” I admitted sheepishly.

“That’s okay,” she chuckled. “So did I.” She bit her lip nervously. “But I didn't get you anything.”

I shrugged. “I never expected anything.”

She smiled shyly. “Do I have to put it on myself?”

“No, I can do that,” I replied with a smile, stepping forward.

She turned round, pulling her hair off the back of her neck. Clasping the necklace around her, I secured it clumsily at the collar of her t-shirt, my fingers brushing the nape of her neck gently.

“There,” I said softly as she turned back to face me.

“It’s beautiful. I’ll never take it off,” she said seriously.

“Never? Not even to go in the shower?” I queried.

“Well,” she considered, “maybe to go in the shower.”

“Damn,” I muttered. “So the secret camera was a waste, then. There goes my plan to spy on you naked.”

Her face broke into a mischievous smile. “So, what you said earlier, about how you felt about me…” She raised her eyebrows meaningfully.

I groaned. “Please. You’re not going to make me say it again, are you?”

She just nodded mischievously. I sighed.

“I love you,” I muttered, staring down at the floor.

“Sorry, what was that?” she teased. “I couldn’t quite hear you.”

“I said, I love you,” I repeated, much louder this time.

Tory grinned. “Now, that’s what I thought you said. I just wanted to make sure before…”

“Before what?” I asked apprehensively.

Smiling, she stepped forward, placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

“This,” she whispered, kissing me again.

This time, it was far from gentle.