Sacrifices

“Moving?” I repeated in disbelief as she fell against my chest.

“In a few weeks. To Saskatchewan,” she said, her pleading voice digging right into my heart.

“No. No, no you can't! We've been together forever! We were supposed to always be together! You can't! What the hell is Saskatchewan?!”

“Canada. We're moving to Canada.”

I carried her tiny body to the basement and we sat on my floor, staring at each other.

“Why didn't you tell me earlier? I can't imagine you holding onto this and dealing with it by yourself, Bon.”

“I wanted to tell you. I just thought maybe I could find a way to not have to go. I didn't want to tell you unless I was absolutely sure that there was no way I could stay,” she sniffled, and leaned into my arms again. I held her tightly, wiping away her tears, kissing the top of her soaked head.

“But there is a way, Bonnie! You could live with us! We did it before, and we can do it again! Just stay with me until your mom realizes she's an idiot and comes back!” I cried, squeezing her tight.

“I can't do that. I'm not moving with my mom. I'm moving with my dad. She doesn't want me anymore. She gave me no choice. She said I had to live with my dad. It's been going on for months. When she told him he had to take me, he decided to get back at her by taking me as far away as possible,” she said, her voice shaking.

“What's wrong with that woman!” I shouted, rage making my whole body shake. How could anybody not love this little girl? How could they not want her around as much as possible for as long as possible?

“I don't blame her. I don't get along with her fiance, and I've been making life hell for both of them for a long time. I just wish... I wish that they wouldn't use me as a weapon against each other. Why can't they just love me and leave it at that?”

My heart broke with that, and a fresh stream of tears flowed down my face.

“Bonnie, they're pieces of shit! It's not your fault they can't get past their petty feud and you get caught in the crossfire. I can't stand to think that people treat you this way. You're the easiest person in the world to love! Any love you don't feel from them, Bonnie, I promise you, you will get it from me!”

Her skinny arms wrapped around me and squeezed as I said these words. She kissed the hollow of my neck affectionately. She meant nothing sexual in the way she did this, but all the same I felt an electric current run through my body. I trembled slightly and kissed her forehead, hard. Maybe now would be my last chance to tell her... to tell her how much she means to me. How much I love her.

How much it killed me to lose her.

“Bonnie...” I began.

She looked up at me with shiny emerald eyes. She must have detected a strange note in my voice by the look on her face.

“What is it, Gerard?”

“I...” come on. You have to. This is your only chance. She can't go without knowing.

I sighed.

“I'm going to miss you so much.”

“I'll miss you too, Gerard. You're my best friend. My big brother. You always will be.”

Coward.

After about an hour of us talking and crying and cursing her parents, she yawned and her eyes began to droop.

“I guess I better go home... my mom might be worried,” she said with a tone that suggested she knew her mother wouldn't be worried at all.

“Bonnie... will... bella, would you stay with me, here, tonight? I don't think I'll be able to sleep otherwise,” I asked, stroking her head.

“I shouldn't. My mom... well. Alright. Ok, Gerard. I'll stay with you,” she said, the first hint of a smile I'd seen on her face in what felt like forever finally appearing.

I smiled back and we headed to the linen closet to get her set up in the den down here, on our old but comfortable hide-a-bed.

I wanted to ask her to stay in my room, but, well. You know. Coward.

After getting her tucked in and kissing her goodnight, I turned on the bathroom light for her. She was terrified of the dark. I crawled into my bed and stared at the ceiling. It was so silent I could hear her breathing in the other room, and wished I'd had the guts to ask her to cuddle up with me.

A long while later, just as I was starting to doze off, I felt strange. I felt like I was being watched. Slowly, quietly, I turned over and looked at my open doorway. In the dim light the bathroom cast, I saw a dark figure in my doorway. My heart sped up as I flipped on my lamp and saw Bonnie standing there, looking tired and apologetic.

“Jesus, Bon! You scared the shit out of me!”

“Sorry. I can't sleep,” she seemed to become smaller for a moment, withdrawing into herself shyly, “Can I... stay in here with you? Even with the light the darkness out there scares me a little.”

I couldn't hide my grin as I threw back my covers and invited her to lay with me. She fit into the space between my arms perfectly, and I couldn't remember a time when I'd been happier.

“Goodnight, bella,” I whispered into her hair.

“Night, Gee,” she whispered back.

I thought I heard her sigh contentedly just before I drifted into a blissful sleep.