Dear Jane Doe

I had baseball practise after college that day, the sport which usually enthralled me began to feel like a chained exercise. We won our game, as always.

Earlier that morning I had left a new note in replacement of the old one. It hung impatiently in the tree, cringing away from anyone who dared to pry.

When I finally returned home it was dark. Winter still held the world in its stubborn grip as spring watched on with building envy. Sweaty and tired, I approached the bare tree to find it, flapping in the breeze.

“But you are my beautiful girl, keep the necklace, it was only $15 and is no use to me. People would be quite affronted if they saw me walking around with such feminine jewellery. The ‘I’m not gay’ confrontation is always so tedious.”

I pictured her face light up in a smile at reading my words. She had left another message underneath in her red pen. That was starting to become my favourite colour.

“I guess you, my poor fellow, are blinder than a bat but I do not wish to ‘affront’ a disabled man so will gallantly accept the gift. Thank you.”

Ripping out a page from my long abandoned science book I leant on the dark bark to press a pen against it. The moon shone down brightly enough for me to make out what I was writing.

“Bats may be blind but their sense of hearing is sharp enough to sense a beautiful girl when she walks by. And anyway I see fine, my optician is always so smiley when she discharges me. I’m glad the necklace is being kept in more appropriate hands.”

I took a moment to read over my note, making sure it was perfect enough for her to read. I smiled at my humour. Hopefully she would too.

Oh god was my heart fluttering inside like some cheesy movie?

Fuck that, I love cheesy movies… they are my secret passion when I take a break from deflowering girls. She could be my Juliet if I was allowed to be her Nick Jonas.