Dear Jane Doe

It was passed dark by the time we pulled off the main road. I was clutching the dash board with a grip so tight it was making my knuckled glow; Jo’s driving was almost pushing me over the edge of sanity. “Here we are” he announced suddenly, switching the car’s ignition off.

I stared out of the window apprehensively but could barely see for the condensation. “Where are we?”

“At her house of course.”

I shot him a terrified glance “you know I never go to girls’ houses Jo.”

“Well I should hope this girl was different” he said dangerously. I contemplated letting him know just how special and different she was to me but decided against it. Jo would only laugh and tell me to stop messing around.

“Come on then scaredy cat” Jo teased before noisily getting out of the car. I followed him.

The house was small and not particularly impressive looking. Judging by the broken window and rusted door, my Jane Doe’s life wasn’t all flowers and dancing. So she was beautiful and rough around the edges… my heart stilled with lust.

Jo casually strode over to the door and knocked boldly as if it was his house. “Aunt Janet’s a bit cranky to strangers but I’m sure she’ll be okay if I talk to her first.” Not particularly bothered about her mother’s reaction to me, I nodded faintly while lingering unsurely at the bottom step. I was out of my familiar environment here. No longer was I ‘the king’, I was a relative nobody and God I hated it.

A small woman with hair so blonde it was almost white opened the door. “Don’t tell me you’re another seller trying to wheedle your crappy product into my hands?”

Jo swelled with indignation “no ma’am, it’s me… Jo.” She sighed as if this name only brought back irritating memories and then gestured for us to come closer. Her blue eyes raked over every inch of my body suspiciously. “This is my friend Alec, Aunt Janet” Jo introduced. She clicked her tongue in, what I assumed was, approval.

“Well what do you want Jo? I know he” brandishing at me “wants my daughter but she isn’t here. I’m not really your ‘come in and have some cookies’ aunt so unless your father has some more money to give me?”

Even in the small silhouette of light from the half open door I knew Jo was seething. “No ma’am” he spoke through gritted teeth “we were only wondering if she was home.”

“Last I heard she was at your house so your guess is as good as mine.”

“Well we’ll be on our way then” he turned violently and stalked back to the car.

“Aren’t you worried about her?” I asked the 30-something woman before me. Hand on her all-too-orange skin, she reminded me of one of those teen mums who desperately try to keep youthful looking; their children constant reminders of how old they’re becoming.

“No” she snapped “and you shouldn’t be either. My daughter’s a strong girl; she’s been through worse than just going a-wall.” ‘Aunt Janet’ then turned on her heel to slam the door shut with a force suggesting her impatience. I watched as the crack in the rusted door spread slightly with the force.

My poor poor Jane Doe. Why wasn’t she here so that I could sweep her away from all this unpleasantness? Yet her mother’s words had sparked a curiosity to learn more within me and, as I made my way to the car, I thought of what she could have meant.

Been through worse?

Jo was still burning with fury as I slumped reluctantly back into the passenger’s seat. “That bloody old hag” he pounded the steering wheel furiously as if it had stolen his cookies “she’s such a fucking whore! My poor gullible Dad still forwards her a chunk of his pay check so that she can pay for her stupid fake tan and plastic surgery and American VISA. Seriously, if it wasn’t for him then their entire family would still be struggling back in England barely able to pay their crappy rent and whenever I come around she’s always there with her snide posh ways as if it was me living off my family’s pity. She makes me so fucking mad” with that he crushed a fist against the horn, sending the screeching sound blasting around the neighbourhood. Cautiously, I glanced at the clock which read 3:28 before watching lights come on in random houses followed by shouting of profanities.

“Let’s get out of here man” I laughed “before we get shanked by the neighbourhood watch.” Jo smiled tightly before revving off with unnecessary force.

Watching Saturday night clubbers stumble around drunkenly on the sidewalk through my window was only amusing for a few moments. “What did she mean by ‘been through worse’ Jo?” His tight smile widened into a strained grin.

“Her dad died of a drug overdose a few years back.” I started at this blunt fact. “Bloody bugger hadn’t the heart to face Aunt Janet and her orange face every day. Neither of them took it very hard but I guess they were both looking to start a fresh here in America. Too bad a change of country didn’t change Aunt Janet’s bitchy attitude!”

I’d tuned out of his ranting to think about my poor Jane Doe again. I’d gone and fucked it up with her before there’d even been a real chance to say hello. I could just imagine us both whizzing through life randomly meeting at odd parties, exchanging pleasantries then ending up with her being mad at me because of my stupid actions. Either I was insulting her or punching her cousin or fucking apologising. And now I knew what a screw up life she’d had as well it only made me feel worse and ever more passionate.

I sighed loudly, accepting the fact that another apology was in order.

“You got any paper in this join?” I asked, cutting my friend off from more insults. He gave me a disbelieving look as if questioning my sanity.

“No… I have some napkins in the glove compartment though.”

“Why do you have napkins in you car?” I laughed as I pulled them out.

He shrugged before a mischievously dirty look took over his dark face “you never know when they might come in handy.”

“Nice mental picture Jo” I shuddered before pressing my always handy pen to the material. Delicately, I carved out the only word that I ever really had any right to be saying to her. Maybe if I was in my secret admirer guise there could have been so much more poured out but I was still Alec Bradshaw. Still the annoying jerk who’d punched her cousin for no apparent reason.

Sorry

I shoved it at Jo before slumping back restlessly into the seat. He gave me another questioning look but said nothing.

“Just give it to her.”