Dear Jane Doe

Weeks passed by and I still found myself no closer to the object of my intense passion. She was going to be mine; if I would obtain anything in my life it was going to be her. I would steal away her virginity (I imagined she was still a virgin) so in one blissful night of bed sheets, tongues and caresses she would truly be mine.

I spent a heck of a long time imagining that night.

Vaguely, in my distant memory, I remembered speaking to my Jane Doe at a party. If it wasn’t for Jo calling me a jerk for a straight week after the party for insulting her I don’t think I’d have even believed it to be reality. My heart twisted whenever I thought about hurting her so instead I made sure to avoid the topic with Jo. Anyway, I couldn’t risk him finding out how emotionally attached I already was to her… plus they seemed pretty close. My heart couldn’t take it if they really were more than friends.

I sat in my room, gazing down at the girl dance along the path with rain soaking her through and through. She looked picturesque. Her hair spun around her face as she twirled to some unheard music. Then she was gone into the unseen part along to wherever home was.

I dreamily wondered how her skin would feel under my touch. There was nothing tying me to reality now that I sat alone in my room, nothing to hold back the thought of her. It was a relief to just allow her face to blind me.

Oh my god was I in love?

Impossible… I was ‘the king’. I was the janitor closet shag. I was one-a-day Alec. I was the most desirable guy in college. I couldn’t be in love, the emotion I seemed immune to. It was the thing that drove men from statures of greatness into grovelling pathetic beings.

All I had to do was look at my friend who claimed to be ‘forever committed’ to his girlfriend of 7 months. I hardly saw him around college and when I did he was playing pack mule for his “sweetie tweetie.” Revulsion rose at such a pet name, they should be restricted to pets only.

Plus, I didn’t even know her name. She was no better than a stranger.

Of course I wasn’t in love… infatuated maybe but not love. I told myself this again and again to calm the rising fear of the unknown although deep down my heart beat to a different tune.

Then suddenly I knew how I was going to claim her.