Is tú mo ghrá

*Harley’s POV*

Taking Back Sunday is blaring, but all I can hear are the voices telling me how pathetic I am. Celina walks into the room and looks at me.
"It's Elliot, isn't it, he‘s getting to you."
"No, well yeah... Kinda, I just don‘t know what to do anymore" I say through my
tears. "How did you know?"
"I'm a genius" she sits down on the bed next to me. "Why don't you talk to him?"
"He hates me, I just know it.”
I’ve never really been ‘gay’ and I’ve never been attracted to the same sex. I guess Elliot was just an exception, a one time thing. But the truth is I’ve never felt so much for anyone in my life. Every time I was around him my whole body seemed lighter, as if I could float right off the ground and into the clouds. The feeling was almost scary. Almost. The truth is that I’ve never felt more right than when I’m with Elliot, but I guess that’s all over now. I’ve lost the only person I’ve ever loved and it was all my fault. At least I can admit that to myself. The truth is… I still love him.
He hates me. He hates me. He hates me

*Elliot’s POV*

I’d tell you that love is the best feeling in the world, I'd tell you that love makes you feel like you can fly. But I can’t lie anymore, I feel like I have a gaping hole in my chest that just wont heal. Love is a feeling that cannot be compared to anything, the warmth and happiness brought by being around Harley makes me feel like I can fly. This is the second time I’ve ever thrown my whole self into love, because I was so fucking terrified after the first time I got hurt. And I swear I will never love anybody again, I still love Harley when I know he doesn’t love me, how could anybody? I thought it was real this time, for once in my life I'd be loved for who I am inside. I'm so fucking pathetic.
I just can’t even function right now, I need a fag.
I almost though he was the one, the one person I could spend the rest of my life with and would always accept me. I know I’ve been quite a player in the past but Harley brought out the best in me, everybody knew that, heck, even I knew it! He got me off heroin, put a roof over my head and helped me back on my feet. He was a child himself, he was only 17 and he had a job, an education and rich parents.
And I fell in love with him, stupid me.
For Christ’s sake! He lives with his best friend, a girl. He wears skinny jeans and has a pink and white bedroom. How was I meant to know he was straight!? He fucking stayed up with me all night when I was upset and we giggled together at stupid jokes. We’d watch scrubs all day and eat takeouts for weeks on end because neither of us could cook. We had such a laugh, we’d go to town together and try on all the clothes, parading up and down the changing rooms in matching outfits. In the end I’d never buy anything, I have a shite job that pays nowhere near the cost of living or fuelling an ongoing drug/drink habit. Harley insisted on getting me that jacket that I loved or those pants that looked great on me.

I can still remember his soft hands and the feel of his hips pressed against mine. His lips were soft and his breath was warm. I shuddered at the thought, it was the good kind of shudder that brings back memories that have been long buried and should be forgotten, but still made me smile.

The first time I met Harley, I was injecting into my neck and slowly letting my eyes roll to the back of my head. I slumped down onto the floor and woke up, god knows how many days later on a sofa in a reasonably sized basement apartment. Simple furnishings and plain walls colours. I rolled off the sofa and onto the floor, hitting my head on the coffee table. It wasn’t the most dignified moment of my life, saying that I haven’t really had any. A scruffy brunette walked in and he left me absolutely breathless, he had the most angelic, delightful features and a sprinkling of stubble across his soft jaw line that made him look just the right amount of manly.
"Thought you might need my help" he sighed "I'm Harley and I'm not a kidnapper, by the way."
He chuckled at his own little remark. From then on I was smitten. He offered me a hand that I instantly took, I stood upright and proceeded to wobble a bit. Then I fell back down on my arse, I had such a headache and I was making my fool out of myself in front of this absolutely gorgeous boy. He bent down to pick up a small shiny ball.
“This just fell out of your nose” he handed it to me and I screwed it back onto my septum ring.
After this we talked for hours, I told him everything I could remember and he offered to put me up.
At the time I was living with my mother one night a week. Every night I wasn’t with my parents I was waking up on some guys bed, or the floor of an un-recognised house, sometimes a bench or a doorway with a bottle of something in my hand. All my life I’ve leaned on drink to get me through life, I’ve not spent 2 weeks sober since I was about 13 years old.

Harley hates me, I know he does. It serves him right for picking me up off my face at that house party, I'm a hypocrit - I always high take boys home without even asking their name. That's the way it has always been. I guess I'm going home to live with my mother, she hates that word 'mother'. She insists I call her China, Nanny Raine was an original hippy before it was cool. I guess that's why I'm such a free soul now. I got off lightly with Elliot, my father was furious at the idea of an unusual name. I gre up thinking their's nothing wrong with a bit of free, no-strings love.
Just thinking about China makes me smile, we've always been like best friends, my only real best friend. The one who doesn't leave me to go to a house party with more coke, or sell my things to get their next hit. She's not the one who picked fights with me for wearing makeup to school and punching me in the back of the head if I walked past the lockers. She soothed me, she chanted and did yoga with me, I used to suffer from ADHD until China calmed me down. The doctors said it was quite a miracle, China said it was natures gift.

*Harvey's POV*

Ell told Celina that he was moving back in with his mother and to thank me for everything I've done for him. I came into his room, he looked at me and stared hard at the floor. He is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, with his natural straight blonde hair that falls so casually over his face and emerald eyes that can burn a hole in your skull with skin that has a slight shade of brown, but still has the slight hint he used to be deathly white. He doesn't look up or speak to me, he just scuffs his feet along the edge of the rug and rests his hands on his lap. I sit down next to him but he still refuses to look at me.
"I'm not mad at you because you haven't done anything to make me mad, I just need to sort some things in my life out and I know I'm going at it completley the wrong way. I need you in my life, I've known you for 4 months and I think I love you, I've never loved anybody like this in my life. Although you may not feel the same way I still want you to stay, please stay with me." I know how pathetic and needy I sound but I really can't help myself at this point. My cheeks start to burn so I stand up and turn around, slowly progressing towards the door. His voice interrupts my internal scolding and I turn to face him. He's crying, his tears making little streaks in his usually perfect makeup.
"You don't love me, face it, I'm not a loveable person, I always mess up. I ruin everything"
"I love you and there is nothing in the world that can stop that, I know I've messed up, I just need time. I don't want you to leave" My words trail off as I start to cry, long yet quiet sobs make my chest tighten and I gasp for air. I feel like I've stopped breathing.
"You don't love me, I wandered into your life from nowhere. You're just like the rest of them - you get what you want then totally ignore me. You wanted me for your own good so you could clarify your own feelings, it's always about the other guy."
I could safely say that I've made these past 4 months all about him, I got him off heroin in 2 months and put a roof over his head. I fed him and clothed him - all out of my own money until a job would accept him.
"I love you, and I know that for sure" I walked out his room, our new guest room.