Define ***ed-Up

Cp.16

Angela stormed down the stairs and glared at Gerard who was having small talks with Jane on the couch. She groaned and pulled Gerard up. Pushing him out of the front door as she tightened her fist.

“We’re gonna buy some groceries for the dinner.” Angela spat. She turned around and threw a death glare at Jane.

“And you, biscuit. Don’t even think of laying a finger on my brother.” The little girl paused and squinted. “I’ll effing kill you.”

With that, Angela banged the door close and stormed off the porch with Gerard chasing up with her a minute later.

-

“I just can’t believe he let that bit- ok, I know it’s wrong but I have to say it, don’t tell my brother.” Angela looked at Gerard and her teacher nodded carelessly.

“I just can’t believe Frankie let that bitch in our house!” Angela groaned and threw a pack of chocolate candy into the cart.

Gerard sighed and took the pack of chocolate candy out of the cart and put it back on to the shelf. “To be honest, I don’t see anything wrong in there. Frank is sick and needs someone to take care of him, Jane was free and offered to come over, what’s so wrong about that?” Gerard said as Angela continued putting chocolate candies into their cart.

Gerard placed all the candy packs back onto the shelf and continued walking. “You should really be happy for your brother. I can see your brother isn’t quite happy lately, so it’s great that Jane- oh, do you and your brother eat broccoli? Cause I think I’m gonna make broccoli and cheese tonight. Are you ok with that?”

Before Gerard could turn his head around and ask Angela his question again, a loud noise came from his right hand side, he turned his head around. Angela was buried in a small mountain of chocolate candy packs and an employee with a nametag on her vest was walking towards Angela.

“Damn it.” Gerard muttered under his breath and started walking towards Angela as well.

“Sir, is this your child?” The lady tried her best to give Gerard a polite smile but it came out more like a tired drawn face. Gerard frowned at the employee.

Despite the lady’s afford, Gerard really wanted to give her a punch in the face. Maybe just to light up her gloomy, boring day, but most likely, to remind her not to ask that question before even thinking about it. Did he really look that old? Although Angela is eight, she acts more like a ten-something-year-old girl. Did he look like a father of a ten-something-year-old girl? Did he look like the kind of man that already has a bitchy wife at home and was forced to swear he’d never touch any other women but her, and a girl that would come home one day and says ‘Daddy do I look pretty’ or a boy that says ‘Dad do you think I’ll get laid before eighteen’ because he thought everything that bully gang says was gospel? But seriously, he look that old? That gotta be over thirty or something.

“Uh, sir?”

The employee’s impatient voice interrupted Gerard’s ‘getting old’ thoughts. He glanced at Angela who was beaming with sunrays shining out and nodded with a heavy sigh.

“Yes.” No. This brat is so not my child, duh.

Angela did a triumphant air punch behind the lady as she started rambling on about how he should have kept a good eye on his child and blah blah blah Gerard just thought he might wanna shut his brain down for a while. After the mess was cleaned up and the employee was gone, Angela threw a pack of chocolate candy into the cart again. Angela glared at her teacher when he once again put the pack back onto the shelf.

“I want that one.” She scowled and tightened her grip on the cart, her knuckles turning white as she continued her death glare at Gerard.

“I know, but we’re not buying it.”

“What? Why?”

Gerard eyed the mountain of chocolate candy packs in the cart and sighed with an attempted smile. “This can be two years of chocolate supply for me.”

He made a face when his student shrugged, “Well duh, not me.”

“Oh come on, Angela. Quit bitching around and start behaving like a big girl already!” Gerard snapped.

“Oh?! So it’s me? Me bitching around? The question should be why aren’t you bitching around! Do you not care about Frankie anymore? How can you act like you don’t care about this at all? That Jane is going to ruin everything! I don’t want…I…hate Jane…you…Frankie…” Angela collapsed onto her knees and started crying hysterically.

“Shh, Angela. It’s ok. I’m here…” Gerard kneeled down beside her and started rocking his crying student back and forth.

“No…it’s not ok, I know it…that Jane…” Angela sniffed into Gerard’s chest.

“What is it? Tell me, ok? We’ll make things right.”

“That Jane…he likes her! Frankie likes her! And…I know she likes him too…I, I can see it…but no…I…” Angela had stopped the crying but tears were still flowing from her bright eyes and her breaths were uneven.

“Take deep breathes, honey. Breathe in…yes, and then breathe out.” Angela did as she was told. They both sat on the floor for a long while. Luckily, there weren’t much people shopping at that time.

Angela sat in Gerard’s arms as he helped wipe away the tear strains on her cheeks. Angela relaxed into Gerard’s warm embrace and sighed. “I just can’t help but feel terrible to know my brother actually liked someone else instead of you.” She whispered into the other’s chest.

Gerard frowned but continued his soothing circles on Angela’s back. “Did Frank really said he like Jane? Like, in that kind of way?” He stretched his arms a little before wrapping his arms around Angela again.

“Well, not in exact words, but, y’know, you’ll get the feeling…yeah…”

“Oh.”

There was a long pause before Angela started talking again. “Y’know, um…it’s really lame for you to pretend that…you don’t give a damn about my brother having feelings for other girls. Yeah? Yeah, that’s…that’s pretty lame.” She stated between sniffs.

“Oh yeah? You think so?” Gerard smirked as he tightened his grip on Angela’s waist, making Angela laugh.

How did she know I was pretending? Gerard thought. Maybe it was quite lame after all. He smiled to himself and rested his head on the shelf behind him. It wasn’t like he was really trying hard to pretend he didn’t give a damn, it’s just…maybe it’s…hard to just admit that you would still feel jealous or uncomfortable after all these times when your crush has already moved on. Maybe it’s a human nature to be all ‘Oh yeah? He has moved on?’ and act all casual about it in front of others, but blame yourself or cry your eyes out when you’re alone. Yeah, he guesses so.

“Let’s go home, gotta stop that bitch from molesting my brother.” Angela got up and patted the dusts on her clothes away.

“Wow, even though we’re out here, I’m still quite your teacher so, watch what you’re saying, lady.” Gerard followed Angela to the cashier with a sigh when his student walked away like she hadn’t heard anything.

-

There wasn’t any sign of neither Jane nor Frank in the living room when Angela and Gerard got back home. Angela suggested they should march up the stairs to Frank’s room and check up on Jane to see if she was already as aggressive as kissing Frank right on the mouth, and if that really happened…well duh, beat the shit out of her. But of course, the suggestion was shrugged off by her kind-hearted (more like too chicken to find out the truth – Angela Iero) teacher and was forced to help him with the dinner.

When supper was ready, Gerard told Angela to set the table before hopping up the stairs and check up on the two who hadn’t showed up since they got back home.

He opened the door to reveal a shocking view.

“I…shit, I’m sorry…I really didn’t know you’re…um…what the hell, just, supper’s ready…sorry.” Gerard stuttered as he attempted to shut the door as quickly as possible and get the fuck out of there.

“No, please, Gerard…I’m sorry, we’ll be there in a minute, just, I’ll talk to you later, ok?” Jane stood up from her chair in such a sudden that the pile of CDs behind her almost fell.

“Yeah, um…see, see you down stairs.” Gerard closed the door behind him quietly and turned to the stairs as he bit the inside of his lips so hard, that he yelped at the pain and tears almost threatened to fall.

Gerard walked on Jane leaning forward to a sleeping Frank, their lips just centimetres apart. Damn! Gerard cursed under his breath. He thought this might be a good time to just shut his brain down for a little while until Jane came up with an ‘explanation’.

The dinner went on awkwardly. Angela obviously didn’t know what happened between Gerard and Jane but still hating her guts as usual. Gerard and Jane were feeling extremely awkward at each other’s presents as expected. And Frank, well, Frank was feeling awkward because everyone else at the table was being awkward.

Angela excused herself a few minutes later because Family Guy was on and she was not going to miss any of the gospels coming out of that Stewie Griffin’s mouth, which probably explains why she was already thinking in such a sarcastic way in such a tragic young age. After a few moments, Frank also retreated back into his room when Jane offered to help Gerard with the dishes.

Gerard stood patiently at the kitchen counter as he awaited Jane’s explanation. Jane stood in front of Gerard and started picking her elbow nervously.

“I uh…I like Frank.” Jane didn’t look into Gerard’s eyes when she finally spoke.

“I know.”

Gerard was less shocked than he thought he would be when Jane finally admitted what Angela had suspected for so long. Well, no doubt it was because Angela was already talking about it everyday like it was a proved fact.

“Frank didn’t know anything. It’s just a one-sided crush and I’m…pretty sure of it.”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey. Why are you explaining these things to me? I’m not his mother or his girlfriend or something.” Gerard laughed casually.

Damn. He was subconsciously pretending that he didn’t give a damn again. It might really be a human nature after all. It came out like a reflex.

“I don’t know, I just…yeah, why? I don’t really know, I should probably be begging the little girl out there to forgive me as she hates me so much.”

Gerard chuckled when he heard what Jane said about Angela, he shook his head and gave Jane a kind smile. “She doesn’t hate you, she’s just, over protective…maybe.”

They both glanced out of the kitchen door and smiled when they saw the little girl who curled up beside the couch arm was giggling girlishly at some dumb joke on TV. “I can see she loves her brother.” Jane sighed.

“Yeah. Probably more than her own life.”

Even though Gerard knew Angela would most likely laugh off that statement and continue making fun of his brother mercilessly, deep down inside, he knew she loved her brother more than anything else in this world.

“Let me tell you something.”

Gerard cocked an eyebrow and smirked, interested. “Yeah? Like what?”

“Like, the reason why I am here in New Jersey is because I am hiding from my own engagement which was already set the day I turned fourteen?”

“Oh.”

Jane chocked out a bitter laugh and nodded like she was agreeing with what Gerard was feeling. “Last week was my eighteenth birthday and that was how I felt, ‘oh’. Like a sudden realization that I wasn’t permitted to like any other boys anymore and it sucked, y’know?”

“No, actually. I have no idea.”

Gerard was quite thrilled to know the actual ‘truth’ behind this mysterious girl Frank met in a rainy night. He couldn’t tell exactly what other feelings he was having at that time but he thought he was strangely comfortable with this situation.

Jane gave him a weak smile.

“The boy wasn’t some kind of jerk you would wanna slid your wrist when you know you’re engaged to him. He was in fact, the greatest guy I’ve ever met.”

Gerard could see sparks in Jane’s eyes when she mentioned her fiancé. Her smile was warm and dreamy. It made Gerard’s lips curled into a smallest of smiles seeing a beautiful girl with such a blissful smile.

“It was just, I’m eighteen and, having to see your friends dating a different guy every other week, rambling on about cute boys and how they are going to marry rich and handsome guys when they grow up, I just…I just felt left out, like I live in Mars and they live in Earth…cause I’ve already lost the right to like or date any other guys at the age of fourteen.”

Jane brushed her hair out of her face as she continued. “So, y’know the rest of it. Pop!” She clapped her hands for effect. “Here I am. Running away from home, hundred miles away.”

“So, the whole ‘I like Frank’ was…?”

“Oh yeah. Um…I think I’m just attracted to him. He’s a great guy, y’know…”

Gerard resisted the urge to scream ‘Hell yeah!’ and take Jane in his hands and start jumping around the kitchen like a teenage girl. In stead, he nodded his head knowingly and sat himself down at the kitchen table. Jane did the same.

“He’s handsome and funny, and, and caring…and I love his giggles, most.”

“Me too, me too.” Gerard nodded again, staring blankly at the tiles on the kitchen wall.

There weren’t any words exchanged for a long while until Jane started chuckling to herself and made Gerard stare at her curiously.

“You like him, don’t you.” It didn’t come out as a question.

Gerard felt a strange feeling creeping up on his spine, which he thought he was incapable of feeling since the day Frank told him they could only be friends. Gerard wasn’t really ready for someone other than Frank, Angela and his kid brother Mikey to know his feelings for Frank. Hell, he never thought someone would actually figure it out. So the only thing Gerard came up with was denial.

“No, of course not.” He tried to laugh it off but Gerard could sense that Jane wasn’t buying it.

“There’s no need to lie to me. The amore in your eyes is there, and I can see it, crystal clear.” Being told by a person you barely knew that your adoration for the person you were so determined to get over was still there made Gerard uncomfortable, very, uncomfortable.

“Anyone with a sensible mind and the patience to really look into your eyes could see it. Why don’t you just tell him?”

Gerard didn’t know he should be feeling glad or annoyed by Jane’s concern. He hadn’t plan on telling anyone about the things that happened between him and Frank any soon and wasn’t going to change that just because a girl found out what he thought was going to be remain forgotten.

“I can’t tell you what exactly happened between the two of us but I can tell you that we’ve worked on this before and our conclusion was that this thing can never work out for us and we should just let it go and move on with our lives.”

Gerard never thought he could talk about this after all that had happened and still not sounding vulnerable and exposed. For this, he was quite proud of himself.

“Wow, that sounds noble to me.” Jane joked, trying to make the conversation less tense.

“Yeah, Frank’s a great kid and I love him for everything he is. But there’s nothing I can do if he doesn’t feel the same way.”

Jane didn’t respond, obviously waiting for Gerard to continue. Gerard stared at his entwined fingers and sighed inwardly. It wouldn’t do any harm if he told Jane how he felt about Frank. He didn’t have to tell the whole story, he can just tell her how he felt.

“Frank is different from the all other kids I’ve ever met before. He wasn’t some horny teenager who’s craving for a lover and shit. He cares about his family so much. I admire his will to always strike for his best to do anything. He won’t let any thing distract him and make him fall back, even if it’s something he really wanted.”

Gerard bit his lower lip to keep himself from being emotional. Jane looked at the man sitting beside her pitifully.

“I love him so much that I can actually let him go and watch him fight for the things he deserves, silently from far behind.” Gerard chuckled to himself as he joked, “See, I can get noble too.”

Jane smiled and sighed. “I should probably go now.”

“Yeah, it’s getting dark.”

“No, I mean back home, my home.”

“Oh.”

Jane smiled and stood up. “I was so stupid and immature.” She placed a hand on Gerard’s shoulder. “My parents and fiancé are probably freaking out by now.”

She found a piece of paper and a pen. “You let me know I wasn’t the only one who’s in a horrible relationship situation, and don’t ask me why, but it made me feel a lot better.”

“I’m pleased to hear that.”

“Here’s my number. Tell me how things worked out between you two after I left.”

“Certainly, my lady.” Gerard bowed jokingly.

Jane punched his forearm playfully before walking to the front door. Gerard followed and saw Angela already sound asleep on the couch.

“Hope this won’t be our last meeting. I’m gonna miss all of you.”

“Same here. I’ll let you know if I really got together with Frank.”

“I can sense that I’m gonna hear that a week later.”

“In your dreams, baby.” They both laughed and waved each other goodbye.

When Gerard turned back to the kitchen, he was more than startled to see Frank sitting at the table.

“Frank?! I didn’t hear you walking down the stairs.” Gerard smiled and opened the fridge, “Want something to drink?”

“Baby?”

“Uh?” Gerard looked up from the fridge and frowned, confused. What did he just say?

“You called Jane baby.” Frank stated.

Gerard stared into Frank’s eyes, hoping to maybe find one tiny bit of bitterness buried deep down in those bright orbs he admired so much, but all he could see was numbness. Maybe because he just woke up from a good sleep, Gerard told himself.

“Jane left to return home, she ran away, you know?” Gerard reached for a glass and poured Frank some water. “And I was just joking,” Gerard placed the glass of water in front of Frank and sat down beside him, “about the ‘baby’ thing.”

“Oh,” Frank muttered in a monotone, “okay.”

Gerard frowned and placed his hand on Frank’s forehead.

“You’re burning! Why didn’t you call me? Is that why you came downstairs?” Gerard panicked and helped Frank to get up from his seat.

“Go back to bed and I’ll find you some medicine.”

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Ok, super extra long update, don’t go whining about the long wait. I’m sorry but I really didn’t have the time to write my story. Forgive me, ok? *puppy dog eyes* Are you still gonna comment? I promise I’ll read each of your comment as whole-heartedly as you can imagine. *tehe*

ps. And I changed the story title, thought you migh care. I've been craving for a new title for so long and I've finally thought of one! Do you think it's cool?