Define ***ed-Up

Cp.17

Frank felt a pair of arms embracing his small frame. His back was pressed to the person’s chest. Soothing voice whispering comforting words into his ears, a hand brushing his short hair and the other caressing his knuckles. Frank’s eyelids were heavy, he wanted to turn around and take a look of the person who was holding him. But his headache made that action impossible. The comfort was just like what his mother gave him when he was still young, when all the things were still so normal, like the way it should have always been.

In fact, it felt just like his mother. His mother would hold him in her arms whenever he was sick. But it was so long ago, when he was five or six? Not even at Angela’s age. His mother would whisper soothing words and short bedtime stories into his ears and rock him lightly so he would fall asleep with a small smile on his lips. It was so long ago. Why doesn’t his mother do any of those things anymore? Maybe because he was already a grown man, Frank accepted that reason, but what about Angela? Angela was still young but his mother never held his sister like that since she turned three.

Where were all those wonderful things that used to happen when he was still young? Way back before Angela was even born, way back when his father and mother would still come home early and have dinner with him at the small kitchen table. Frank’s mother didn’t give attention to him as much as other mothers do, but he knew she loved him. He knew, but he wasn’t so sure about that anymore. How can a boy possibly feel his mother’s love when he barely sees her every day? Frank’s mother goes to work at nine and comes back home in the middle of the night. It fitted the whole fucking schedule. Frank and Angela go to school at eight and bedtime is eleven at night (that only goes for Frank because Angela would already be snoring like a pig when the hour hand hits nine-thirty). The only chance Frank got to see his mother was when she lend him his money for the whole fucking month and the times when Frank tried to stay up late even though there’s a chemistry test due to the next day, just to take a glimpse of his own fucking mother. But it usually turned out to be either his mother totally ignoring him or him falling asleep before his mother got home.

“Umm…”

Frank shift so that he was half lying on the person’s chest and his left hand tightly gripping on to his/her shirt. It was his mother. Even this wasn’t real, the feeling Frank got from this person, the comfort, still makes him think of his mother.

-

Frank had said something about missing somebody. Gerard felt the thrill striking down his spine when he heard Frank muffled the words ‘I missed you’ but was soon confirmed that the person Frank was thinking about wouldn’t possibly be him. It was sad. But better to know that the person was maybe either Frank’s mother or father because he had been mumbling something about family issues.

Gerard took a sip of his water then glanced at Angela. Staring at Angela doing her homework on the kitchen table made him feel like he belonged to the Iero family more than to the Way family. Since Frank was sick, Gerard had been spending doubled time in Frank’s house than he had already been before. It felt great. He could picture himself living with Frank and Angela, maybe together with Mikey, too, if he felt lonely living by himself. Although it was just a fantasy, Gerard still find himself smiling and hoping this dream would come true someday.

Gerard saw Frank emerged from the kitchen door and opened the cupboard for a glass. Frank took a few gulps of water he had just filled before looking at Angela and then at Gerard. He sat down his glass on the counter and cleared his throat. Before Frank had the chance to talk, he was pushed into Gerard’s chest by the evil monster who had been observing them on the far side of the kitchen table all along.

Frank’s reflex was to push away but Gerard’s arms held him tight in place.

“You had me worried.”

Gerard mumbled into the nape of Frank’s neck. Frank could feel his heart beating fast and hard against his chest, his hands gripping tighter and tighter on his back. And it made Frank felt bad. He had made this man worried, worried about him.

It took Frank a minute to realize that maybe he should be hugging back. And when he finally did, all he got from Gerard was a few light chuckles that made him felt nervous.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Gerard never told Frank his sister had held up a ‘I rule’ sign on her chest when Frank finally figured out that he was supposed to squeeze back. He was too happy to have the boy he loved in his arms ever so innocently, he wouldn’t have to explain why he did such a thing after so many times.

-

“You know, now that my brother has fully recovered, you don’t have any excuses to come over to my house and stare at him like a complete pervert anymore.” Angela stated when Gerard thought all of his students from his seventh class were gone.

“Why thank you for reminding me, jerk. The problem never left my mind since Frank stopped coughing.” Gerard ignored the verb phrase Angela used to describe him looking at Frank completely. He put down his pen and crossed his arms, sitting back.

“Oh, having fun on cursing, are we?” Angela teased.

“Jerk ain’t a cursing, moron.” The teacher retorted.

“Someone’s in a bad mood, I see. Well, too bad Mr. Way misses Frankie so much but there’s no more excuses left for him to feed his eagerness.”

“Get out.” Gerard spat, clearly annoyed by his student.

“Not cursing anymore? I was expecting something like f**k off.” Angela enunciated only the letter ‘F’ and ‘K’ from the word she was banned from speaking.

“Scram!!!”

Gerard threw his pen across the emptied classroom in frustration after Angela left. He could still hear Angela’s skipping and humming voice when the classroom fell silence. As much as Gerard wanted to fail Angela’s yearly report (which Gerard knew that has no way of happening because Angela’s grades are no where near failing yearly report and not to mention Frank was going to be extremely pissed if that really happened), he knew she was right. Now that Frank had fully recovered, the excuse of taking care of him was eliminated along with the virus that got Frank sick.

“Dammit.” Gerard cursed under his breath.

Gerard glanced at the school calendar pinned on the pin board and scratched the back of his head carelessly. A particular date that has been coloured in bright pink by some of his students caught his eye.

“Fuck.”

As if that’s gonna work.

He stared blankly at the date for a good five minutes before finally deciding to tear his gaze off the number. Even though the possibility is predictably low, it’s still worth a try. It wasn’t like he wasn’t craving for a reason to go out with Frank on an indirect date, duh.

Gerard slammed down one of his student’s assignment and jogged out of the classroom. He glanced out of the fifth floor window and was pleased to see the elder Iero sitting at the school’s front gate. The young teacher ran down the stairs and stopped sharply on the opposite side of the wall which Frank was leaning on. Gerard caught his breath and tidied his hair, making him look like he was just casually walking by. Lame, Gerard shrugged off the thought.

“Hey.”

Frank looked up from his notebook and smiled, “Hey.”

It’s funny how Frank always looks so sincere and kind. Gerard couldn’t help but find himself more and more in love with this kid every time he sees him. Not to mention appearing to be more and more angelic every time Gerard remembered his sister.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah, much better.” Frank shift his eyes and picked the hem of his shirt, wondering whether to stand up or not. “And, um…” he muttered softly when he remembered something, “thanks for…y’know, taking care of me.” Frank flashed a nervous smile and dropped his eyes onto the pavement.

“No problem.”

Gerard sat down beside the teen and relaxed against the brick wall with a content sigh. Please, please, please let this work.

“Do you um, are you free after school next Friday?” Gerard bit his lips desperately as he stared at the boy.

“Uh, nah. I - I don’t think so.” Frank declined, trying not to be harsh on the tone.

Frank knew Gerard’s question must have been related to some ‘date’ or something, so he knew it would be the best for him to turn it down in the first place. He didn’t want what happened in their last private meeting to happen again.

“Oh.”

Fuck. Gerard knew this was gonna happen. Frank was always gonna say no and Gerard was never gonna see Frank privately or at least not in school area again. There are so many young boys and girls, men and women out there, that are dying to be in a relationship, craving for a lover. Why can’t he just fall in love with one of them and make his life easier? Why Frank has to be so rational? And especially, why so fucking stubborn? Gerard hated himself and his never-gonna-turn-out-great crush, he hated every single tiny bit of it. He bit the inside of his lips and cursed.

Dammit!

But it was all gone.

When Gerard finally turned his head around and looked back right into the young boy’s eyes, he found it again. He remembered the reason why he fell in love with such a rational, stubborn freak, the reason of his own determination. He did hate the situation he was in, and he did hate every single tiny bit of his crush, but he never said he wasn’t loving and enjoying every single tiny bit as well.

He never said he never smiled at the thought of Frank being in love with him in the first place, and maybe now he was just restraining himself from falling again. Maybe deep inside, maybe, he still loved him. He never said he didn’t like the little surprises this boy’s sister made for them, those chances of holding him tight in his arms, chances of making the boy blush. The flick of his eyelashes, the curl on his lips, the habit of picking the hem of his shirt whenever he was nervous, every blink of an eye, every breath. He never said he didn’t love it. In fact, he loved it all.

Gerard smiled.

“It’s okay.” He got up and brushed away the dust on his shirt. “I have to go. It’s nice seeing you again. Um, take care.”

Gerard had no idea what he had just said when he walked back through the school gate. He was too busy counting the good things about Frank and what part of him he loved the most when the boy called out for him.

“Hey! Gerard!” Frank yelled from behind.

“Uh?” Gerard spun on his heels and gave Frank a question look. “Yes?”

Frank gestured Gerard to come back and Gerard did. “What?”

“Um, I – I mean, like, I can go…” Frank’s eyes wandered along the pavement and shift foot to foot. Fuck, should he be doing this?

Frank didn’t want what happened last time to happen again. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to spend time with Gerard. They’re still friends, right? Right? Say right.

“Really?” Gerard asked astonished.

“Yeah, I mean, I can go if…if you promise me not to talk about, you know, those things, anymore.”

And of course Gerard knew exactly what ‘those things’ meant. “Uh…”

“I mean, friends hang out, and – and we’re friends, right?”

“Right.”

“Are you okay with…”

“Wh…yeah, sure. I mean, whatever you want.”

Gerard couldn’t be more excited than he was then. He couldn’t believe Frank actually gave in after he walked away.

“So, Friday after school, I’ll pick you up at yours, at five?” Gerard’s mind couldn’t form sentences as the words slipped out of his lips.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Um…bye, I guess?”

“Yeah, bye.”

If only Angela was there, she would have been laughing all the way till Frank forced her dinner down her throat and made her choke. Because it was stupid, and it was sweet. Just how the way the little girl loved it.

------------------------
Sorry for the long wait. It's gonna be pretty long till the next one too, not toooo long, but long xD. Exams and shit.

And, do you guys find this story getting bored and uneventful? Like, it's all just for a laugh kind of thing? I don't know, I just keep getting this feeling lately. Plz tell me :'(