Define ***ed-Up

Frank went back to his room soon after he finished his dinner. Saying it was some project due to next Monday, but hopefully it wouldn’t take too long. Mikey moved his chair so he was sitting right next to Gerard. But being Mikey’s elder brother, Gerard knew his brother too well to just sit there and be talked into whatever Mikey was trying to convince him. Whether it’s telling him to forget Frank and get another one, or stick to Frank until he gives in.

Gerard stood up and started collecting the plates on the kitchen table. But Mikey, taking no notice of his brother’s obvious sigh of ‘I don’t want to talk to you’, took a deep breath and started talking.

“I’m pretty damn sure Frank’s gonna be the best thing that’s ever gonna happen to you in your entire life. If you’re not the one who’s gonna be with him, I swear to god no one will. Cause I’m gonna kill every single guy or chick he will ever date in the future.”

“Me too!” Angela agreed on the other side of the table.

Mikey arched his brow with a smirk on his face and held up a hand. “Hi five!” Angela hesitated for a second but gave Mikey a supporting hand slap anyway.

“Take it easy you two. You’ll only scare Frank away if you do that. And, for god’s sake, isn’t that kinda really obvious that I’m not the right one for Frank anyway?”

The loud and surprised ‘WHAT?!’ was stuck half way through both the younger Way and Iero’s throat when they saw the painful smile barely tucked on Gerard’s pale face. Gerard glanced out of the window in front of him and gave himself a small smile. But only he was unable to see how painful and tired the smile actually looked.

“No, Mr. Way.” Angela said softly. She got down from her chair and stepped closer to her teacher. “If that’s what you think, then let me tell you how wrong you are.”

“I’ve known Frankie since I was born. And yes, these few months have been his most stressful months, but it was definitely, also, his happiest months.” She tucked Gerard shirt slightly and looked up. Gerard took the sign and knelt down.

“You know you’re good for him. What kind of lover would suit a nerd more than a teacher?” Gerard chuckled at Angela’s comment to his brother. Angela mirrored her teacher’s smile and brushed a fringe out of his face.

“Don’t give up on yourself so quickly. And more importantly,” the little girl looked up and plastered the most sincere smile she could ever sport over her face.

“Don’t give up on my brother. Please. He needs you.”

And Gerard nodded.

He didn’t know if what Angela had just said was right or not, nor he thinks Angela was really that penetrating. But what she said made sense, and was definitely something he wanted to hear. So he nodded.

“O. K. Case closed. Let’s talk about something else!” Angela’s voice suddenly turned excited and high pitch. She sat on the table with her legs crossed in an India style and bounced a little in excitement. Gerard took his time to sip on his coke while Angela did her thinking.

“Let’s talk about what do you jerk off to!”

All the coke that was inside Gerard’s mouth a few seconds ago was all over the kitchen counter when he heard his student’s words. Gerard coughed fiercely, tears almost threaten to fall out. He clenched his chest hard and took a few deep breaths before he could stand straight again. His face was all red out of…coughing.

“Angela!” Gerard shouted. But Angela was to busy rolling around the table, laughing.

“You don’t ask people such questions!”

“Why not? I asked Mikey when he was torturing me with Gilmore Girls.”

“Woah, hey. Thanks for including me in the conversation.” Mikey waved in a corner of the kitchen.

“And he said he jerk off thinking of the big house with a huge swimming pool and a grassy front and back yard, which he is so gonna have in a few years.”

Gerard arched an eyebrow at his brother. “That’s supposed to be my house you dumbass, who said I’m going to share it with you?”

“Well I suppose I assumed my brother wasn’t that much of an asshole, but seems that I’m wrong, am I?”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey! Don’t you two start arguing in front of me! Answer my question!” Angela pouted with a discontent scowl on her face.

“Ok, well then, I think of all my students getting an A+ on their the final exam.” Gerard smiled and leaned onto the kitchen counter.

“Oh why do you two have to be so unromantic?” Angela pouted when she didn’t get the answer she was looking for. If you don’t wanna say it out loud, I can help you, Angela thought wickedly.

“Mr. Way, I thought you think about my Frankie.” She eyed Gerard in a somewhat erotic way. “Y’know, naked, in your bed. Doing something so naughty that you couldn’t possibly – ”

And Mikey coughed.

He earn himself a death glare by the young one, but he knew they were gonna appreciate him later.

Gerard coughed, too.

When he noticed what Mikey was trying to tell him. Frank was like, standing right at the kitchen door. He didn’t know how long he had been there, but definitely long enough to let a light shade of red form on the young boy’s face.

“You want something?” Gerard offered, trying the brush the topic off everyone’s mind.

“No, I’m good.” Frank shrugged off Gerard’s offer and went to get a drink himself.

Gerard death glared Angela, too. Angela made the best innocent face she could ever fake and pouted.

“You know, Angela? FamGuy’s on like, right now. Shouldn’t you be watching?” Frank looked up from his cup and eyed the television outside the kitchen.

Angela’s face snapped up and quickly glanced at the clock beside the wooden cupboard. “Oh my god, you’re right!” She hopped off the table and dashed towards the couch, the three following her soon after. Angela pressed the remote.

Nothing.

Angela pressed the small red button a few more times, more and more desperate with each press. Her eyes widened in shock and started checking the batteries when she got absolutely no response from the television.

“Is your television always like that?” Gerard asked Frank, who was standing beside him.

“No, it’s not.”

Gerard frowned. Even though looking at Angela run around in desperation is both utterly amusing and satisfying, he, as her teacher, still had a little pity on the young child. “Is there anything I – ”

“I unplugged the TV.” Frank stated with a sly smirk on his face. “And no. There’s nothing you can do about it.”

Frank seemed to share Gerard’s amusement and satisfaction from watching Angela running around hopelessly too. But unfortunately, he didn’t seem to share the pitiful part.

“Don’t you think that’s a little too extreme?” Gerard tried.

“Don’t you think mentioning your brother naked in front of others is a little too extreme?” Frank said calmly. Gerard did not reply.

“FRANKIE!!!”

Angela screamed, finally realizing something very important when she finished triple checking the remote’s batteries.

“Yes, my dear?”

“I’m so sorry I said something very stupid and I shall never mention it in front of anyone anymore. Would you please fix the TV? Please?” Angela pleaded.

This is just like a visual display of how much a TV show can actually mean to Angela, Gerard thought, when Angela literally sank onto her knees to beg her brother. But there was something that Gerard had missed.

Angela was, in fact, not crazy at all. To her dear brother’s theory, they should save all the money they have, spend absolutely no money on luxurious items. A FamGuy DVD is exactly what Frank wouldn’t buy her. Yes, yes, Frank has his X-Box, but Angela also has her fair share of stuffed animals and other things that she thought was gonna keep her happy. So one episode missed, is one episode missed. Of course there’re tones of illegal ways to watch the FamGuy episode you missed online, but let’s just forget that part of reality first.

“I’ll do the dishes! Sweep the floor…garbage? Perhaps?” Angela offered.

Frank shook his head. Gerard, who was standing beside Frank, could only look at his student pitifully.

“I’ll give you an effing dog for your birthday! Ok?”

“And how are you gonna accomplish that?”

“You know me, I have my ways. Is it ok then?”

Frank stared at his sister for a few moments before motioning Gerard to go over to the back of the television.

“I knew it!” Angela yelled excitedly, bouncing on the couch.

Angela squealed with joy when the TV screen switched into life. She ran over to the screen and hugged it, making all three of them smile.

Angela is an interesting kid. But you’ll really have to know her long enough to notice that fact.

*
When Family Guy was over, Mikey suggested listening to his punk rock selection which he had brought over that night. Angela looked over all the CDs and finally put her hand on Anberlin’s second album – Never Take Friendship Personal. She said it was because the cover looked pretty and artistic. And it sure as hell looked pretty and artistic. Mikey placed the CD in and pressed play.

Gerard was sitting on the left side of the couch, staring at Frank, who was sitting on a single seat on his right. Gerard stared at Frank having small casual talks with Mikey and Angela. Frank looked too sweet for his own good, Gerard thought.

so let me get this straight
say now you loved me all along?
what made you hesitate
to tell me with words what you really feel
i can see it in your eyes you mean all of what you say
i remember so long ago, see i felt that same way

now we both have separate lives and lovers (and lovers)
insignificantly enough we both have significant others

The lyrics of the song made Gerard cringed at the thought of Frank having his own significant other. He didn’t know if he was still gonna cringe when Frank really finally found his significant other. Maybe he still would, or maybe he had already gotten over him? Maybe he IS his significant other. Pfftt, stop day dreaming already, Gerard.

He closed his eyes.

only time will tell
time will turn and tell

we are who we were when
could've been lovers but at least you're still my daily friend
we are who
we are who we were when

When Gerard opened his eyes again, he caught Frank staring at him. Frank waved at him a little, smiling. Gerard had no idea why Frank was waving at him but he waved back anyway. Frank’s smile grew even wider. He stood up from his chair and walked over to Gerard. Gerard scooped over a little to let Frank sit beside him.

who knew what we know now
could've been more but at least you're still my daily friend
we are who
we are who we were when

Frank held his hand.

“At least you’re still my daily friend, Gerard.”

The smile on Frank’s face looked sweet. Gerard bet it taste even sweeter, but he didn’t dare to taste it.

He was so afraid of breaking the harmony they were having right then.

but thoughts they change and times they rearrange i don't know who you are anymore
loves come and go and this i know i'm not who you recall anymore
but i must confess you're so much more then i remember

can't help but entertain these thoughts
thoughts of us together

Even though Gerard didn’t want to break the harmony between them, he still couldn’t help but lock his gaze with their entwined hands. He seriously couldn’t help but entertain the thoughts of them together. What does this mean? Surely Frank still didn’t want to be boyfriends with him right then, but this is definitely an act above friendship. Or, is it?

we are who we were when
could've been lovers but at least you're still my daily friend
we are who
we are who we were when
who knew what we know now
could've been more but at least you're still my daily friend
we are who
we are who we were when……

……………………

……………………

*
Gerard woke up an hour later.

Mikey and Angela were both asleep on that single couch Frank had been sitting on before. And he was sitting on the floor, back facing the couch that Frank was on. Gerard turned around and saw his love lying on the couch, sleeping peacefully. Gerard knew this sounds cliché, but, he looks just like an angel. The rich beat but soothing rhythm of some Anberlin song was still floating around the living room.

we are who we were when
could've been lovers but at least you're still my daily friend
we are who
we are who we were when
who knew what we know now
could've been more but at least you're still my daily friend

He remembered Frank had held his hand. And he still didn’t know why. Maybe Frank really conquered his whatever thoughts and decided to give this a shot? That’s gotta be it, if not, what could it possibly be?

Gerard kneeled beside his sleeping Frank and propped up both his hands. Placing his head on both, he continued staring, enjoying this rare opportunity to be with Frank.

It gotta mean something, right?

Gerard put down his hands and moved closer to Frank.

Sometimes you gotta admit, people are relatively emotional during night times. Especially when they just woke up, at the wrong time.

Gerard kissed Frank.

He didn’t know why. Maybe it’s purely because of the fact that it was at night, and he indeed just woke up. All his senses and rationales were absent. All the things seemed blurry.

He felt Frank’s eyelashes flutter. Shit.

Frank’s eyes snapped open when he felt someone so close to him. And he saw it was Gerard who jerked away in shock. Gerard was completely dumbfounded, but was still capable of chasing after Frank when he had decided to run into his room. It was a dumb act, but it happened anyway.

Gerard grabbed Frank’s arms successfully on his way. But it was only one word that made him let go of it again.

“Please.” Frank had pleaded.

And then again, what does that mean? Gerard thought when the door before him slammed shut.

Please go the fuck away?

Please I don’t want to see you again?

Or just, please give me some time?

Gerard put down his hands and leaned forward till his forehead was touching the cold surface of the door. The rhythm of that particular song crossed his mind again.

who knew what we know now
could've been more but at least you're still my daily friend

Only time will tell, time will turn and tell,
that I’m never gonna give up on you?