Seeing
Zack.
It was taunting me as it lay there on my bed. I couldn’t stop pacing. That damn book was just so…tempting. The guilt had finally kicked in. I shouldn’t have taken her book. If I opened it and saw even one word, it would haunt me. That word would be in the back of mind, twisting and morphing into something horrible. It would stab at me until I found some way to stop it.
How would I stop it?
Was there a way? If I read it, and suddenly knew every one of the thoughts running through her head, every secret, every desire, every fantasy…how would I recover? After those things are known to me, there’s no way to take it all back.
Sighing in frustration, I made my way over to my bed before plopping down. I directed a glare toward the book. I hadn’t had it in my possession for more than thirty minutes at the most and it was already taking over my life.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” I muttered, running a hand through my hair. I sat in silence for a moment, letting it all sink in. I knew what I was going to do. It was the only option.
Quickly rising from the bed, I grabbed the book and headed out of my room, navigating through the kitchen and living room before finally reaching the door. I grasped the handle tightly and pulled, but there was no result. The door stayed in place.
My eyes widened as my mouth dropped open. I began shaking my head frantically. “No, no, no!” I yelled, attempting to pull the door open again. “This isn’t happening!” Was I going crazy?
I kept pulling and pulling, yelling and screaming, until I heard a laugh. My hand dropped from the handle as I furrowed my eyebrows. Soon after, the handle on the door twisted and the door swung open. It would have hit me if I hadn’t jumped back.
“Matt, you asshole!” I fumed, stepping forward to push him backward. He stumbled, yet his laughter never ceased.
“You were so freaked out, dude!” He cackled, bending over as he held his stomach. I could hear female laughter not too far off. I leaned out of the doorway, my eyes searching until I found Matt’s girlfriend, Jocelyn, and Johnny’s girlfriend, Tiffany, flat on their backs, screaming with laughter in my yard.
“Go screw yourselves!” I yelled out to them.
“Fuck you!” They screamed in unison, still giggling. I couldn’t help but smile.
“What’s that in your hand?” Matt asked, grabbing the book. My eyes widened. I tried to retrieve it from his hands, but he held his arm out, keeping me back.
He turned the book to it’s side, letting it fall open to a random page before beginning to read. “Why do people insist on being such fucking idiots? I’m beginning to think that I’m the only sane one lef-“
“Shut up!” I boomed, using all of my strength to push Matt’s arm away so that I could grab the book from his hand.
“I can’t believe you think that about us, Zack.” Matt pouted, putting a hand over his heart. I grumbled incoherently, tucking the book back under my arm.
“I don’t.” I finally spat.
“Then who does?” He asked, crossing his arms. Tiffany and Jocelyn soon got up, making their way over to us.
“I don’t…really know her name.” I mumbled, my eyes cast downward.
“Then why do you have her journal?”
I shrugged. How was I supposed to answer? I was curious, yes, but how did that justify stealing someone else’s property?
“Wait, what are we talking about?” Jocelyn butted in, her face scrunching up.
“Nothing. I’m going back to Johnny’s.” I sighed, walking around everyone and heading toward Johnny’s house once more.
“Wait up! We’ll come with you!” Matt yelled. I could hear them all running to catch up with me.
Rolling my eyes, I ignored their chatter and stayed on track, trying to keep the words from the girl’s journal from running through my head. Soon enough, I was standing in front of her house. I hadn’t even realized I’d stopped walking until Matt ran into me from behind.
“Why’d you stop?” He asked. Fro the corner of my eye, I saw him follow my gaze to the girl’s house. “Who lives here?”
“Dana.” My head snapped toward Jocelyn and Tiffany. Dana?
“How do you know her?” I asked, moving closer to Tiffany.
“She goes to school with us, Zee.” She rolled her eyes at me.
“I know that, but…have you ever spoken to her?”
“Well, I’ve talked to her…” She muttered, glaring at the house.
“What do you mean?” Once again, I furrowed my brow.
“She doesn’t speak as far as I know.” She sounded almost hateful. What did she have against Dana?
“Oh…” I trailed off, biting my lower lip. “Come on.” I motioned for them to follow before crossing the street and climbing the stairs that lead to Johnny’s porch.
I chickened out.
How would I stop it?
Was there a way? If I read it, and suddenly knew every one of the thoughts running through her head, every secret, every desire, every fantasy…how would I recover? After those things are known to me, there’s no way to take it all back.
Sighing in frustration, I made my way over to my bed before plopping down. I directed a glare toward the book. I hadn’t had it in my possession for more than thirty minutes at the most and it was already taking over my life.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” I muttered, running a hand through my hair. I sat in silence for a moment, letting it all sink in. I knew what I was going to do. It was the only option.
Quickly rising from the bed, I grabbed the book and headed out of my room, navigating through the kitchen and living room before finally reaching the door. I grasped the handle tightly and pulled, but there was no result. The door stayed in place.
My eyes widened as my mouth dropped open. I began shaking my head frantically. “No, no, no!” I yelled, attempting to pull the door open again. “This isn’t happening!” Was I going crazy?
I kept pulling and pulling, yelling and screaming, until I heard a laugh. My hand dropped from the handle as I furrowed my eyebrows. Soon after, the handle on the door twisted and the door swung open. It would have hit me if I hadn’t jumped back.
“Matt, you asshole!” I fumed, stepping forward to push him backward. He stumbled, yet his laughter never ceased.
“You were so freaked out, dude!” He cackled, bending over as he held his stomach. I could hear female laughter not too far off. I leaned out of the doorway, my eyes searching until I found Matt’s girlfriend, Jocelyn, and Johnny’s girlfriend, Tiffany, flat on their backs, screaming with laughter in my yard.
“Go screw yourselves!” I yelled out to them.
“Fuck you!” They screamed in unison, still giggling. I couldn’t help but smile.
“What’s that in your hand?” Matt asked, grabbing the book. My eyes widened. I tried to retrieve it from his hands, but he held his arm out, keeping me back.
He turned the book to it’s side, letting it fall open to a random page before beginning to read. “Why do people insist on being such fucking idiots? I’m beginning to think that I’m the only sane one lef-“
“Shut up!” I boomed, using all of my strength to push Matt’s arm away so that I could grab the book from his hand.
“I can’t believe you think that about us, Zack.” Matt pouted, putting a hand over his heart. I grumbled incoherently, tucking the book back under my arm.
“I don’t.” I finally spat.
“Then who does?” He asked, crossing his arms. Tiffany and Jocelyn soon got up, making their way over to us.
“I don’t…really know her name.” I mumbled, my eyes cast downward.
“Then why do you have her journal?”
I shrugged. How was I supposed to answer? I was curious, yes, but how did that justify stealing someone else’s property?
“Wait, what are we talking about?” Jocelyn butted in, her face scrunching up.
“Nothing. I’m going back to Johnny’s.” I sighed, walking around everyone and heading toward Johnny’s house once more.
“Wait up! We’ll come with you!” Matt yelled. I could hear them all running to catch up with me.
Rolling my eyes, I ignored their chatter and stayed on track, trying to keep the words from the girl’s journal from running through my head. Soon enough, I was standing in front of her house. I hadn’t even realized I’d stopped walking until Matt ran into me from behind.
“Why’d you stop?” He asked. Fro the corner of my eye, I saw him follow my gaze to the girl’s house. “Who lives here?”
“Dana.” My head snapped toward Jocelyn and Tiffany. Dana?
“How do you know her?” I asked, moving closer to Tiffany.
“She goes to school with us, Zee.” She rolled her eyes at me.
“I know that, but…have you ever spoken to her?”
“Well, I’ve talked to her…” She muttered, glaring at the house.
“What do you mean?” Once again, I furrowed my brow.
“She doesn’t speak as far as I know.” She sounded almost hateful. What did she have against Dana?
“Oh…” I trailed off, biting my lower lip. “Come on.” I motioned for them to follow before crossing the street and climbing the stairs that lead to Johnny’s porch.
I chickened out.