Trust Me

RAYS POV.

I awoke about 3 hours earlier then I had hoped and had a pounding headache. I got up out of my bunk and quickly dashed for the bathroom where I proceeded to puke up in the toilet. Great. I splashed cold water all over my face and noticed I was trembling. I flushed the toilet and then looked in the mirror. My face was pale and I was sweating, I had a strange distant look in my eyes that I have only seen once before, in Gerard's eyes almost 3 and a half years ago.

This is what I had been reduced to? Just some druggie? I knew when I started that it would get worse but I needed it and the booze, I need that too. I go out 'running' and I do run for a bit and then I find some quiet bar somewhere, get smashed up and do some drugs and then I get back to the bus nobody notices any difference.

I reach out and touch the cold surface of the mirror.

"What the fuck are you doing to yourself man!" said my reflection, It had turned into the old me now, the sober and clean me, the self confident one, the talented guitarist, the good Friend, the easy going person who was everything that Isn't who I am today.

"Leave me alone," I said to the mirror.

"No, I wont let you do this! It's because of Bob isn't it? You do this to forget and now It's got too far! Your an idiot! Look at what your wasting...."

"I SAID SHUT UP!" I roared, slamming my fist into the wall full force and leaving a dent.

Shit. That will have woken everyone up. Sure enough a very sleepy looking Mikey rushed into the room a few seconds later.

"Dude are you alright in here?" he started walking over to me with a very concerned look on his face.

"Don't touch me Mikey."

"What? I just ..........."

"I said don't touch me. Don't look at me just pretend I'm not here. I'm a total fuck up and I'm leaving the band, today, once we've seen Bob I will tell everybody. Believe me this isn't an easy decision but I think It's for the best." My fists were shaking with anger and I felt my temperature rise and my pulse speed up.

"Ray, WHAT!? You can't do that! We need you, the fans need you. If you leave there isn't a band anymore and think what will happen in the band falls apart?" Tears were shining in his eyes but they brought no sympathy into my mind, just more rage.

"Mikey I said fuck off. I will hurt you unless you get out right this second."

"Ray I....."

"I SAID GET OUT!!" I screamed at the top of my voice slamming my fist into the wall again and leaving another dent, bigger this time and deeper.

He turned and left, shutting the door behind him. I opened the bathroom cabinet and pulled out my razor. I pulled the blades out of it, one by one and layed them on the counter top next to the sink. When I was all done I picked one up and held it to my wrist. It was cold. So cold, maybe as cold as I feel inside right now, freezing to death but burning in hell at the same time.

I locked the door and pushed the blade to my wrist and dragged it across the pale skin, following the line of a vein just visible. Blood blossomed from the line I had just carved and I laughed manically, repeating the same thing on the other side and sinking down onto the floor, still laughing.

I feel better now, punished, cleansed. The room swims before my eyes and I can faintly hear Frank hammering on the door and screaming for me to open up. I can hear Mikey and Gerard too. Mikey sounds upset. Never mind, they have plenty of time to be upset now once I'm gone. Blood is pouring now, going all over my white pajama shirt and the bathroom floor.

The thought of Bob laying in his hospital bed appears in my head. So weak, so helpless, dying. At least in the next life I can be with him. The room is getting darker and the yelling, quieter. I take one last look around, at the life I have created for myself with this band, the things I don't deserve. My head lolls onto my shoulder but I can't lift it back up, I have no strength to do it.

The blackness closes in and I know It's the end.

LAURENS POV.

"Let me bust down the door?"

"Alright do it," said Mikey, stepping aside.

I kick the door at the lock and it swings open. We all gasp and Gerard and Frank rush to his sides. Hes unconscious, pale as death and bleeding from his wrists where there is a deep cut on each one. My first aid training from the fire brigade is going to come in useful right about now.

"Guys lift his arms up above his head!" They did as I told them and I ran to fetch towels to wrap on his arms. I wet them in cold water and wrapped them tightly around each cut.

"Lay him his back and keep his arms elevated and pressure on the wounds." I checked for his pulse in his neck. It was there and very fast.

"Mikey check his bunk and through all his things. If you find anything suspicious bring it to me right away!" Mikey ran from the room and I could hear him rummaging around in the bunk area.

Ray now lay on his back and Frank and Gerard held his arms above up towards the ceiling to let the blood flow out of them to stop the bleeding. Frank was crying and I crouched beside him and hugged him.

"Frankie, he's going to be fine. Were on our way to the hospital anyway to see Bob, they will fix him up fine."

"Guys, fucking look at this." Mikey had come back into the room carrying an old pillowcase jammed full of stuff.

He tipped it out on the floor and pill bottles rolled everywhere along with big bottles of strong spirits.

"Shit!" cried Gerard.

"Why didn't I notice it! Of all people I should have seen it in him I was just so worried about Bob I didn't even notice."

I picked up some of the pill bottles. Xanax, other anti depressants, little white pills that I didn't know what they were along with blue ones and red ones. A little plastic bag of white powder that made Gerard turn very pale when he saw it. All of this along with...

"Ecstasy!?!" Cried Frankie. "This could kill him why didn't he just tell us!"

I picked up the spirit bottles and started to pour them away but I saved all the bottles to show to Ray along with all of the drugs afterwards to show him how bad things had gotten.

"I think this is my fault." said Gee quietly.

"Don't be so stupid Gee, this isn't any of our faults. He just got so caught up in it that he didn't know what he was doing. I can't really see him from where I sit in the shows but does he act strangely at all? have you noticed anything?"

I looked around at them all and they each nodded slowly in turn.

"Yeah but I thought he was just a bit tipsy not high off ecstasy and Xanax and god knows what else," said Mikey sinking to his knees beside Ray.

He began to stir slowly and Frank and Gerard released his arms.

His eyes snapped open and he looked around at us all and then the pillowcase and all the pill bottles and everything all over the floor and then closed his eyes tightly again.

FRANKIES POV

"It's alright, we aren't mad, we just want you to get better OK?" I said softly as he opened his eyes again. He nodded slowly and sat up.

"I want you to tell me where you got this stuff and when you take it," said Gee sternly.

"I take it when I am away from all of you. I get it wherever I can and whenever I can. Please don't keep bugging me now, I am never going to do it again I was a fucking dipshit and I didn't think. I just needed a way out, you can understand that Gee," he said and Gee nodded.

"Can you promise you wont do it again?" said Mikey pleadingly.

Ray nodded and lifted his arms.

"Come here and I'll strap those up for you." said Lauren, digging out the first aid box we keep under the sink in the cabinet.

"They aren't really deep enough to need stitches so your lucky but you have to swear you wont do it again because if you had hit a vein you could have died," she said as she wound bandages tightly around both of his wrists.

About 10 minutes later we pulled up outside the hospital and without any of us speaking to each other we left the bus. Lauren stayed behind, saying she didn't want to intrude on our visit.

We marched down to Bobs room in silence and knocked the door softly. Katie answered it and beckoned us to come in.

He was linked up to a heart monitor which was beeping softly in a steady rythym. His blue eyes had lost their sparkle and were a washed out grey colour. He had tired dark circles around them and was very pale. His lips were chapped and faded and he looked very very thin, almost skeletal.

"Hey everyone," he croaked, raising a hand. One arm was still in plaster cast since the crash and he raised his good arm. It seemed to take him great effort to speak.

We all sat around his bed and Kaite left the room and closed the door behind us.

"How are you feeling?" asked Gee.

"The doctors say this is the hardest part. If I fight I can beat it but if I don't I could die but it's so hard...." his eyes closed and he swallowed hard and forced them open again, they were full of tears.

I glanced around at everyone else and they were all crying. I felt tears burn at my own eyes and I let them fall, knowing full well that this could be the last time I could see one of my best freinds alive.

"I miss you everyday," he said weakly. His voice was growing weaker the longer we stayed here and I knew we didn't have long with him.

"We miss you too," I managed out before breaking out into uncontrollable sobs on Mikeys shoulder. He patted me on the back and cried onto my shoulder in return.

"Please stop crying. The hardest part of this is leaving you and I don't want to make it any worse." He looked like the patient, just as we had described him in our album. A young man, ravaged by disease and taken before his time.

The heart monitors beeping sped up a little and his eyes fluttered closed and then he wrenched them open again.

"I think we'd better go," said Gee. "Say g..goodbye one at a time."

Evereyone left the room except for me.

I took Bobs hand in mine, it was so cold it was like ice.

"Look man, I know I'm not the best freind to you sometimes and my pranks can get a little over the top but I want you to know..." My voice cracked and I started to cry again. A single tear rolled down his pale white cheek.

"I w..want y..you t..to k..know that I..I ll..love you man, L..like a b..brother. I l...look up t..to you y..your the hardest w..wroking g..guy I k..know and your like a b..big b..brother to me. I'll miss you s..so m..much."

"I love you b..brother" he struggled out and closed his eyes again.

I gave his hand a final squeeze and left the room crying harder then I ever have in my life.

Mikey and Gee went in together and came out sobbing uncontrolably onto each others shoulders, holding each other in a tight, comforting embrace.

RAYS POV.

I was last to go and say my goodbye.

"Ray is that you?" he asked feebly as I entered the room. His eyes were closed.

"Yes it's me I'm here to say g..goodbye" I walked over to his bedside and took his hand.

"P..play helena a..at m..my f..funeral I..if I g.go" he sobbed forcing his eyes open again.

"Anything for you man," I said softly, squeezing his hand.

"Ray I l..love y..you," he stammered.

"I l..love you t..too," I managed out through my choked back tears.

"I'll see y..you r..round" he said. I looked into his eyes for what could be the last time.

"Definately," I said, squeezing his freezing hand again. I leaned down and kissed his cheek.

"D..dont f..forget m..me," he whispered in my ear.

"I w..wont, I promise.." I whispered back.

I moved away and the heart rate monitor began to let out one long, continuous note. I got up and let his limp hand fall, tears flowing steadily down my cheeks and the heart monitors sound in my ears.

I left the room without looking back.

[A/N I cried so much writing this, It was very hard to write and I want to know your thoughts on it. Please comment as I want to know what you think on this chapter. Please don't hate me for this chapter becuase I promise the next one will be much better comment permitting. Keep reading! Alex x.x.<3]