Trust Me

BOBS POV.

We all just cried for the longest time. It was like we could do nothing else, I didn't even ask if he was gone or not, I just lay there and cried for him.

"Ah Mr. Bryar your awake!" came a voice from the doorway. It was a male doctor with short black hair.

"Yeah I'm awake now is Ray alright?" I asked him frantically.

He looked at the clipboard he was carrying and shook his head slowly, without looking up at us. He left the room without looking back and we all broke down in tears again.

Mikey eventually came to his senses and went to ask for Ray's room number. They said they could only give that information to family members and that he was in surgery at the minute.

So we sat, and we waited, and waited, and waited but no news came. We sat there, not talking until long after the sun had come up and started heating the room with it's glow.

Frank and Gee were sleeping, awkwardly huddled up together crammed onto one chair in the corner of the room. Everyone had stopped crying and the tiredness was setting in. Still no-one spoke, It had been almost 6 hours but we hadn't spoken a word since the doctor had come in.

Mikey was dozing and waking in the chair beside my bed but I felt wide awake. Physically I was in agony but I wouldn't let the nurses give me any painkillers in case they made me drowsy. I want to be there the second we can go and see him and not be sleeping somewhere.

Mikey woke up again and looked at the clock. He sighed and stood up to stretch.

"I'm going to get a coffee, anybody want anything?" He asked, looking around at us all.

"Uh, yeah just coffee please," I said quietly.

Frank and Gerard each nodded and Mikey left the room. About 5 minutes later a very exhausted looking Brian came in. I had almost forgotten we were in the UK, Brian had got the first plane he could and was seriously jet lagged and tired.

"Bob how do you feel?" he asked, sitting down in Mikey's vacated chair.

"Fine," I lied easily.

"Totally completely fine?" He raised his eyebrows and I realized I hadn't looked in a mirror yet.

"Uh huh I feel totally OK, nothing wrong at all, I just need to speak to Ray." Brian looked at me sadly.

Nobody said anything else. Frank started pacing the room and Gee watched his progress with tear-filled eyes. Not knowing anything is killing us and I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to sit here just wondering and hoping.

A sweating, panting Mikey suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"I've got his room number! I just ran from like all the way the other side of the hospital but I've got it, come on we need to go right now!" I went to jump out of bed but a sharp pain shot through my chest. I got up slower and followed everyone else out of the door.

The walk to his room was horrible, painful both mentally and physically. I was so scared of what state he would be in and my own injuries, which I didn't even know the full extent of yet, were really hurting me but it didn't matter, all I need is to see him.

A few minutes later we reached the room. It was in Intensive Care Unit so it wasn't a good sign to me. Frank got there first and went into the room, we all followed.

I can't even describe how I felt in that moment. Every horrible thing I had said to him before I left the bus came flooding back and I thought I was going to cry again. I might never get to apologize or hold him in my arms again or kiss him or anything, this was all my fault.

There were a few chairs at his bedside and I sat in one and took his hand in my own. Frank and Gee sat the other side and Mikey sat next to me. Brian hovered awkwardly before eventually going to find another chair.

A female doctor with a kind face came into the room and shut the door.

"I presume you are the band mates?" she asked, looking around at us all.

"Yeah that's us," said Mikey, his voice shaking slightly.

"Yes Mr. Toro's parents have been unable to get a flight until later today but requested that you be allowed to see him in the hope it might help him recover." She looked around at us all. She looked about 50 with greying hair that was tied in a bun, her kind face showed signs of sympathy and she looked like she had something to tell us.

"He is currently in a coma, when or if he will wake up I cannot say. Talking to him may help as if he hears something that he recognizes it may jolt him into consciousness. He was shot at point blank range and it very lucky to even be alive, he also has bad bruising to various parts of his body."

I held onto his hand tighter. This was all my fault, if I hadn't run off then none of us would be here, Ray wouldn't be here, he'd be sat back on the bus with us, watching movies of playing guitar hero or messing around. He may never get to do any of that again because of me.

"I'll leave you with him now," said the nurse softly and she left the room, closing the door behind her.

"Bob do you want a minute?" offered Mikey. I think he can read minds, he must be able to see the incredible guilt I am feeling about this. I nodded and everyone left the room and closed the door behind them.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Look I really am sorry and I'm not just saying that, you only wanted whats best for me but I couldn't see it that way at the time but I do now. I swear I'm going to eat until I am completely full and never do this stupid starving myself thing again, it's just not worth it." I paused, thinking of how to phrase the next part of what I wanted to say.

"You shouldn't have come after me, I'm not worth your trouble, not worth this, this is my fault and I can understand if you never forgive me for it. I love you, I really do but when you said all those things earlier, you really broke my heart," i felt the tears threatening to fall again but I forced them back.

"You've always been there to help me pick up the pieces of my shitty love life and bad relationships but I just never thought you would break it off..... I guess I just didn't see it. And then I said all those things earlier without thinking. They were horrible and hurtful and I can't even put into words how sorry I really am for it." The tears fell now, but I let them.

"I take it all back, all of it, I didn't mean it... I just didn't think, I was hurting, you can understand that? When we're upset we all say things we don't mean or even understand ourselves at the time and then regret them later so this is my regret. I regret saying all that stuff to you, I regret not eating, I regret not being a better boyfriend to you when I could, but most of all I regret the fact that I never actually told you how much I love you. I just can't say it... there isn't the words, you know I'm not good with words but I'll give it a try." I stopped again to think about how to say this. I gave his hand a squeeze and took a deep breath.

"I just love everything about you, there isn't anything I would change for the world. You can always make me smile when I'm down or cheer me up if I'm having a really bad day. Your the most amazing, talented, perfect person I know and I really wish you could hear me now saying all of this cos I'm just going to forget it and have to remember it all again once your better. I have to go now because the others want to see you. I love you, even if you don't love me, I will still always love you. Please wake up." I squeezed his hand again and longed for him to squeeze mine in return but he didn't. He couldn't.

RAYS POV.

I am screaming inside my head, wanting to be released from this nightmare. I can hear every word that Bob is saying, I want to tell him that it was all me, all my fault but I can't. I can feel his hand on mine, his warm tears dripping onto my arm as he leans over to talk to me.

What he has just said is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me in my life, I will never forget this. Right now I just want to hold him in my arms and tell him everything is going to be OK and not to worry. I keep trying but I can't, I can't move or speak. I feel numb, must be the painkillers, the fight in the alleyway keeps replaying in my head and I can't stop it.

I feel him let go of my hand and listen to him walk out of the room. I want him to come back, I need him here with me... I know he can help me wake up I just know it.

And the second I wake up there is something I need to say.

[A/N Will Ray get to tell Bob what he's thinking? Find out soon! Comments = updates and no comments = NO updates!! Love to everyone who has commented and subscribed!! And does anybody know how to get more of those little star thingys? Let me know!!! xxxx]