Trust Me

BOB'S POV.

"Bob?"

"Huh?" I said sleepily, my head pounding.

"It's OK, stay right where you are and don't move," came a familiar female voice. I could feel somebody was holding my hand. I opened my eyes slowly and looked around, then sat up.

"Why am I at the hospital?" I asked.

"Because you have a headache," said Ray.

"OK Bob, so how long have you had a headache for?"

"Um... well... I don't know," I said truthfully. I had been ignoring it so I couldn't remember really.

"Follow the light with your eyes," said Katie, I did as I was told.

"Hmm... OK, don't panic but I think we need to take a CAT scan of your head, just to be on the safe side," she said, writing something on her clipboard.

"But..." I started to say but she shook her head.

"No but's, follow me, both of you," she said and Ray and I followed her out of the room.

"Am I OK?" I asked Ray and he squeezed my hand supportively.

"I don't know, I hope so," he said, kissing my cheek quickly as we walked.

"You'll still stay? Wont you?" He stopped suddenly and I stopped too.

"Of course I will. Baby, even if you are sick of course I'll stay, I'm here to look after you. In sickness and in health, remember?"

I nodded and he smiled weakly.

"Come on then," he said, carrying on walking again.

We reached a room and a male nurse told me to lay down on this bed that went into the scanning machine and to stay very still.

"I can stay with him right?"

"Of course you can, just hold his hand but he can't speak to you, he needs to keep very very still."

"Thank you," said Ray.

"So how long have you two been together?" asked the nurse as he set up everything for the machine.

"Almost a year," I said instantly. I had been keeping track so I could plan something special for our one year anniversary of being together.

"That's sweet. So you guys engaged or what?"

"Married. Just got back from our honeymoon," said Ray as I laid down exactly where I was told to.

"Congratulations," he said with a friendly smile. It was so damn nice to meet somebody who wasn't homophobic.

"Oh and by the way, my names Chris," he said as he fiddled with some switches on the machine.

"I'm Ray," said Ray.

"I'm Bob."

"OK, Bob, you need to stay really really still OK?"

"Got it," I said as my head gave another painful throb.

Ray held my hand the whole time my head was being scanned. It was kind of uncomfortable because they machine was pretty noisy and I was laying awkwardly and couldn't move so it was a huge relief when they switched off the MRI machine and I could get up.

"Bob we're gonna run a few more tests while we wait to get these images processed so if you would come with me," said Katie and Ray and I followed her from the room, saying goodbye to Chris who told us he would come and find us as soon as the images were done.

"So you know we were trying to contact you last week right?" asked Katie as we re-entered the room I had woken up in.

"Yeah, and I know why."

"I think we should talk through your options," she said as the three of us sat down.

"O-OK," I said shakily. Ray squeezed my hand supportively and I squeezed back.

"Looking at the existing results we have from the previous tests, there is a high possibility that your cancer has returned but in a much more serious form."

"What are you saying?" I asked, wishing she would just come out and say it rather than avoid it like she was doing.

"We think it has traveled, to your brain."

I couldn't even react. I just froze.

"There are a few options but the success rate of treatment for cancer in this form is generally low."

"What's my best option? Because I'm not just giving up, I can't," I said firmly, though my eyes were full of tears.

"We can give you medication, which will give you up to a year more time. Or, we can try to operate and remove the tumor, but this could result in permanent brain damage but it would be a permanent solution, as long as you are carefully monitored to make sure it does not return again."

I felt a tear hit my cheek and I wiped it away quickly. A year more time. One more year to spend with Ray and the guys, my family, and then the kids once they're born.

"I- I... a year isn't enough."

"It's about the most we could achieve through medication. It wasn't detected early enough to be stopped, it's too late for anything else."

"Give us a minute," I said and she nodded sadly, leaving the room and closing the door, leaving me and my husband to decide my fate.

"Bob, a year! Just take the year, I'd rather have you for a year than something that used to be you for a bit longer," said Ray. I looked deeply into his eyes.

"A year isn't enough Ray! What do you want to do? Spend the next year knowing that I'm just gonna die?!"

"I-"

"Well I don't want to do that! I don't want to leave you alone with two kids to take care of!"

"I love you. I don't want you to die," he whispered, tears flowing down his cheeks.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm fighting. Fuck the medication, fuck all of this, I'm fighting and I'm fighting for you."

"Bob.. maybe.. maybe a year would be the best option. I mean, think about it. What if it went wrong? What if you ended up b-brain damaged?"

"We can't think about the what if's. This has all happened so fast we have no time to think about what could happen. Ray I have to fight, let me at least try," I pleaded tearfully. I knew this was the hardest decision of my life, but I was certain this was the right path to take.

"I can't choose for you Bob."

"Think about it. This is the way I see it. I have one year, just one year. So in six and a half months time when the babies are born I become their legal parent and spend some time with them and you. It isn't enough. I would rather not be there at all than to be there and know it was on borrowed time. I would only be there until they were a few months old, then what would happen Ray?"

"You'd have to go," he whispered.

"And I don't want to go anywhere, I want to s-stay with you forever and I don't want to leave you here a-alone," I whimpered before falling into his arms, sobbing into his chest.

"There has to be a way, I c-can't lose you."

"I don't w-want to g-go," I sobbed, my whole body shaking.

"Fight."

"Ray," I looked up into his tear-filled brown eyes.

"Are you sure this is what you want me to do?"

"In the end the choice is yours, but I want you to know that whatever you choose to do, I'm here. I'll be right here," he said, kissing my forehead gently and holding me in his loving embrace.