Trust Me

BOBS POV.

"I don't even know what to say Bob."

"You don't have to say anything, there's nothing you can say."

"You don't think I feel the same way as you right now?"

I looked into Ray's deep brown eyes and for once, for one of the first times ever, didn't feel a rush of love.

"I would guess you do. It's your son after all, I have no part in this until he's born remember?"

"What are you getting at?"

"Nothing."

"Bob? Have I done something?"

Yes.

"No, of course you haven't, I'm just upset is all."

In three months time my life is over. The chances of me getting through this are so small I'm not even planning ahead past the three month deadline. I'm making the most of now and this is not making the most of it. I may never get to hold the nearest thing I will ever have to a son, Ray could still have that chance.

When I'm gone he can move on and have more kids with somebody else, I can't do that, I won't be here to do that. When I'm gone he can raise his daughter and maybe his son if he pulls through, raise them without me by his side.

The bus felt so empty without Lauren there. It was just the guys, Lauren was being kept in overnight just to be on the safe side.

I felt like going out so I walked from the lounge where I was sat with Ray to grab my wallet and jacket.

"Bob? Where are you off to?"

"Out," I said bluntly.

"Oh. Right," he said, walking back into the lounge and sitting back down.

I felt no guilt at what I had just done, I had clearly just upset him but to be honest, right then, I didn't care, I knew what I needed.

I walked into the bunk room to grab my jacket, I quickly slipped it on and picked up my wallet from where I had left it in my bunk. I turned around quickly to leave the room and almost walked right into... the very man I needed to see in that moment.

"Frankie, fancy coming into the town?" I asked casually, knowing he would go for it. He looked surprised and then nodded hastily.

"Awesome, get money," I said and he quickly obliged and then pulled on his jacket.

"So where are we off to Bob?" he asked as we pulled on our shoes.

"Just a bar or something." Or a hotel room...

"Cool, we gonna get smashed?"

"Hell yeah," I said as we both stepped off the bus. Before I shut the door I glanced over at the person sat on the couch facing the other way, my husband, but I felt nothing.

Ten minutes later Frank and I reached a bar. Another half an hour later we were sat at the bar, chatting away, our drinks disappearing at an almost alarming rate.

"So, Ray asked me something the other day," I said, now feeling fairly confident that he would be tipsy enough to not be as bothered as he would be had he been sober.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think about me in like... that way?"

"W-what? Do I huh?"

"You know... think about me... like...this," I started to run one hand up and down his thigh slowly, watching his reaction carefully. He shivered but did not push my hand away.

"Want to get out of here?" I whispered in his ear.

"A few more drinks, then we can," he replied, quickly ordering another, stronger drink.

I pulled my hand away and kept my hands to myself until I knew Frank was well and truly wasted.

"Come on Frankie," I said gently as I took his drink away from him.

"Where are we going Bobert?" he asked, following his words with a small, drunken giggle.

"You'll see," I said, leading him by his hand to the nearest hotel.

I knew what I was doing was so wrong, but I couldn't help it. Ray will have so many things which I will never have, why can't I take just this one thing? I mean, it's not like he's ever going to find out...

"One room please," I said to the man on reception.

"How much has your friend had to drink?"

"A little too much, I think it's best if we stay here tonight, we were supposed to be traveling to a friends house, but with him in this state its not possible," I said, making up a load of shit on the spot.

"You gonna keep an eye on him for the night?"

"And then carry on to the friends house tomorrow morning," I said. He bought the story and nodded, going to fetch the keys.

Frank giggled weakly and then hiccuped. I smirked. Damn he's cute when he's wasted.

The receptionist handed me the keys, seeming to not find it suspicious we had no luggage at all, and showed us to the room.

"Thank you, goodnight," I said pleasantly.

"Enjoy your stay," he said with a smile, walking away back down the corridor and then disappearing from view.

I quickly unlocked the door and pushed Frank inside, shutting the door behind us and quickly pinning him to the back of it.

"Bob what are you..." he began but I cut him off by crashing my lips to his.

It took him a few moments, and then he was kissing me back. He tasted like Frank and alcohol, but it was driving me wild. I needed something, someone other than Ray.

"We can't," muttered Frank sadly, pushing me away.

"You're sober," I said, looking him in the eyes.

"Sober-ish.... I'm not very drunk, I was just acting like it to see where you were taking this. Bob you can't do this to Ray."

"I don't care about him! For tonight, I want something new, something he can't give me. Don't deny it Frank, I know what you want, I know about your dreams, I know about all of it. Let me give you what you want."

He sighed heavily and pushed me aside, kicking off his shoes and dropping down onto the large, squishy looking bed.

"I wont deny it. I've been dreaming about this, about you, I really want it... but I'm not sure if I can live with the guilt."

"Frank, come on, when will we get another chance?" I wanted this, I wanted it so badly it hurt, I didn't even feel guilty about cheating on Ray. I had gotten past the point of caring, right now, I was going to live like I was dying, and take risks.

"We wont," he said, looking away from me. I kicked off my own shoes and walked slowly over to the bed.

"Come on Frankie," I said, my lips very close to his ear.

"Come on," I said again, then lightly kissing down his neck. I felt him shiver but he didn't push me away.

"Oh god, but don't tell Gee," he moaned as he pulled my lips to his.

"I wont. I promise, this can be our secret," I muttered, quickly closing the gap between our lips. We kissed heatedly, both of us quickly forgetting the initial hesitation and losing ourselves in the moment.

It didn't take us long before we were ripping at each others clothes.

Before I knew what I was doing, I had thrown away everything that made my life worth living.