Trust Me

RAY'S POV

"Bob," I took both of his hands and looked into his deep blue eyes, eyes that already held so much pain. I almost couldn't bring myself to bring him anymore pain, but he had to know. Lauren's words still rung in my ears...

"He's gone," I whispered.

Bob looked puzzled for a second and then a look of pure horror spread across his face.

"No."

"Lauren called me. He's gone."

"No."

I held his hands tighter and fought against the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks.

"There was nothing anybody could have done. They all tried their best, his heart was just too weak. He wouldn't have survived after birth, they just let him go."

"SO THEY LET HIM GO? JUST LIKE THAT AND NOW HE'S GONE!"

I cursed Bob's medication and the mood swings it left him with.

"The thing is not to get angry about this. I feel that maybe... maybe it was for the best. If he had been born with this heart condition he wouldn't have lived very long. The time he had with us would have been spent in an incubator, hooked up to any number of machines trying to prolong his life."

"I never got to see his face," said Bob quietly.

"I know, come here," I said before breaking down completely and pulling Bob into a hug as he cried too.

Before long I noticed other arms around us, other people crying.

"We're so sorry," came Gerard's teared up voice.

I nodded, unable to say anything more.

"Could you give us a moment guys?" I asked and they all quickly and silently left the room, Mikey sniffing miserably.

"Bob there's something else I need you to know."

This is it. The worst part of what I have to tell him.

"What is it?" he asked, tears still glistening in his eyes.

"They have to deliver the girl, tonight, or she won't make it."

"So they-?"

"Yes. They had to induce Lauren because the boy was cutting off the oxygen supply to the girl. They have to deliver the girl soon, she's going into distress and they need to get her out."

He nodded.

"Let's go," I said, leading him by his hand over to the door.

"Ray? Bob? Are you alright?" came Gerard's voice from the doorway to the bunk area.

"We're fine. They're going to deliver the baby girl tonight, so we need to get over to the hospital as soon as we can."

"Take the car," came Mikey's voice, and his car keys came flying out of the room and landed with a clank on the floor.

"Thanks Mikey," said Bob, picking up the keys and handing them to me.

"Best of luck, keep in touch," said Gee, coming over and hugging us both.

"We'll try," I said as Bob and I left the bus and climbed into Mikey's car which was parked nearby.

I couldn't stand to tell Bob the truth. We could lose both of our children tonight.

***

"She's tiny," whispered Bob. Our daughter lay in front of us in an incubator, linked up to numerous machines trying to keep her alive. Her skin was a purply red colour and the tiniest little patch of dark hair was visible on her head. She could have lay in the palm of my hand she was so small.

"She's beautiful," I said softly.

"This is... a miracle," said Bob, shaking his head and wiping a tear from his face.

"She's a fighter. Hardly any babies born this early even live long enough to be put on a ventilator, she's doing well."

"She looks like an Angel."

"She must be an Angel, she's the luckiest child alive."

"I think she's going to have your hair," said Bob quietly.

"I hope not, poor thing."

"I... I want to see him," said Bob suddenly, still gazing down at our tiny daughter in her incubator.

"We can see him if you like, he's with Lauren, she wanted to say goodbye," I said.

"Let's go and say goodbye Ray."

"I'm so sorry," whimpered Lauren as soon as we got through the doorway to the room she was in. She was laying in the bed, a small bundle of blue blankets on her lap. I felt a tug at my heart, that's my son. The son I will never know, who died before he had a chance to live.

"It has nothing to do with you, don't you dare blame yourself," said Bob, crossing the room and sitting on the bed beside her.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Tired," she said quietly, still looking at the bundle wrapped in the blanket.

"They explained about him before you got here. He had a rare condition, where his body develops a lot quicker than his heart can keep up. I think maybe... name him... and then you guys can think about his funeral."

I took the tiny bundle from her arms. It was just like he was sleeping, he lay perfectly still, his eyes closed and a look of perfect peace on his face.

"Was he in any pain?" asked Bob, tears flowing steadily down his cheeks.

"No Bob," said Lauren soothingly. "He was stillborn so he would have felt absolutely nothing."

Bob let out a strangled sob and buried his face into my shoulder. Holding our son carefully in one arm I wrapped my other arm around Bob's shoulders and held him in a comforting embrace.

"I love you," I whispered as more tears poured from my eyes.

"I love you too," he mumbled against my shoulder. It felt like we were frozen in that moment for the longest time and I didn't know what hurt more, losing my son or the fact that at any moment I could lose Bob or my little Angel, that scared me more than anything I could ever have imagined.